DH gravely ill - I have no sympathy

[DeBuugs]

This is half light hearted and half a vent.

We have two young children who still wake up a lot at night. DH never does any of the nights - he got himself into a nice little position where the kids only want me. I really feel the lack of sleep creeping on me and has been for a while.

DH has been sick with cold for quite a while now. He walks around all huffing, looking like he is about to faint and when he talks to me talks supper quiet and his speech breaks up - you know where I’m going with this. Like someone acting for their boss when calling in sick 🤣.

I gave him no sympathy since he announced he had a cold (I was sick then myself) and I think we have a stand off here and he will be sulking acting like he is about to die until I acknowledge his extremely bad cold. I have no intention to do so.

If any men comment on here please say that you are a man if you don’t mind. Interested to hear male comments 😊

I haven't thought of that in years but the sharp smell came back to me just reading this.

The label's hardly changed at all.

I'm probably going to regret this... (Please take lightheartedly as it is intended!!!)

I'll try to explain...

Men endure incalculable pains and hardships on a daily basis; more than any mere woman could possibly comprehend. But we understand that women like us to show our emotions and vulnerabilities around them, and truly do love to take care of us.

As such, we will, on occasion, act helpless around you, so you can feel useful, and demonstrate your incredibly compassionate and empathetic natures.

It is our gift to you 😉

That’s the opposite in my house and was the same growing up. Women ill equals bed and all kinds of pandering. Men ill equals derision/contempt really. This thread is a good example.

in my experience you find malingerers orfboth sexes and it is a bit pathetic.

Agreed, that is ridiculous. Seems to have been entertained clinically as a notion by people who should know better.

@Walking2024now24days awww thank you. I would have loved you to have been one of my school parents! Sadly, I have had time off in the last two weeks due to a family bereavement, (and I will in another two weeks for the funeral) and my being absent again just wasn't going to fly... so I really had no choice,
but I promise you I did warn all the parents that I was ill, there was no shaking hands or physical contact, and I kept my distance from them all.

OMG. “Victorian swooning lady” Actually weed a bit at that. 😂😂😂😂

Oh god. Mines the same. Sniffs or coughs once and announces he’s “coming down with something” I tell him to go to bed. Not because I’m sympathetic or anything just because I can’t be arsed with the sad ill face he puts on. Gets right on my tits.

When dh gets ill he vvv ill. Antibiotics and tbh he almost died once..he was saved by the reception of NHS a&e who broke rules..he was septic..dh not the member of staff. If he I'll I know he ill. Dh acts all tough but when he goes quiet and says nothing I know....

If you're genuinely ill, you probably won't have the energy for the performative illness posted about here.

My DH is doing this now. Wincing, walking around with his mouth slightly open as though he's in too much pain to close it, sleeping all the time.

He doesn't even have a cold. DD has a (bad) cold. All this is just because he "think he might be coming down with it."

FFS.

Haha - I love this.

To make a long story short

I fell off my bed once, head first, I saw stars. The only time in my life up to now. And I finally understood the cartoons showing this as a thing.

As for sick people
I go to bed and stay there bar toilet/drink/lemsip/whatever.
DP is rarely sick but one time he asked me to call an ambulance. I didnt, he is still alive.

He is generally not a baby.
However I get no sympathy from him, so he gets no sympathy from me.

Mine rang me last week from work to say " his back had gone again"
I said I can't talk as I'm working but take paracetamol and ibuprofen
He came in from work, walked the dog and washed the car
Okayyyyyy

Mine refuses to admit illness. Even when he was in A&E having a brain scan he was allegedly “fine - they’re making a fuss about nothing”.

So the other side isn't always better!!!

I’ve just sustained a leg injury that requires surgery to get me walking again!
Ive still carried on doing everything I did before (100% household stuff).

Dh has today found a verucca on his big toe. He now can’t walk and has had us all inspecting his awful injury!

DH has a friend who absolutely NEVER stops complaining about his illnesses and medical issues. Has to be seen to be believed. “I keep getting a pain in my hand/funny spot on my leg/my finger feels numb/tingling in my big toe/my back is bad plus dozens of other complaints. Uses a stick now which he doesn’t need. Will stop dramatically in public where people can see him to lean on a wall or against a table and hang his head, breathing noisily.
His house is full of pseudo medical crap: ‘special’ chair for his back, heated pads, BP monitors, thermometers…
Drives me insane and I want to say “Well, fuck off and DIE then!
His wife is lovely and we are very fond of her so we maintain the friendship.
I have absolutely no medical qualifications at all but I do think he is a genuine hypochondriac.

Oh this thread has made my night! I finally have a name for the affliction that my DH gets every time I am ill - Munchausens by Marriage!!!

I am generally allowed one day of illness before he declares that he is ill too (much worse than me obvs) and he needs to work from home, on the sofa, with blankets over him. He speaks in a weak, thready voice until the work phone rings and then he speaks normally for the duration of the call only to revert back when it ends. Drives me mad!

A few years ago I got pneumonia, hospital was on some kind of alert so I wasn’t hospitalised although Dr felt I should have been. I could barely move as I felt so ill so took to my bed, my DH bought me diet lemonade in a 2L bottle that, at that point, I couldn’t lift and basically forgot about me! Him and the kids got on with normal life downstairs and it was only when my DSis brought me some food that evening that he came to check on me. My DSis had to ring him three times a day so he would come and see how I was as otherwise he ignored me. He also managed to try to be ‘ill’ himself twice over the three weeks it took me to feel better (wasn’t in bed for all that time but was very weak) - he was very disappointed that I wasn’t feeling sympathetic! I don’t think I’ll ever trust him if I’m that ill again though.

We must all be married to the same man!

DH and I had an argument and his 'symptoms' suddenly appeared. Cue weak voice and not being able to get himself dinner (which I prepared). Headache also appeared. I decided to repair the rift and guess what? No more symptoms! Dinner has also been eaten. It's a miracle!

We have the Expression of Endurance here when DH has a cold. This includes waving his hand across the fevered brow. This would be bad enough but it is then accompanied by (exaggerated) coughing, the volume of which is enough to top the decibel scale cause noise induced deafness. If he still thinks l am ignoring his cold (if only l could), he will then sniff extremely loudly. This last antic does provoke an expression of disgust from me. To give him his due, he does apologise at this point but adds that he can’t help it. He could win an Oscar with his performance.

Tbf, I did just last week have a hideous projectile vomiting bug. I felt fine at 7pm, by 11pm had thrown up twice and could barely get out of bed, by 10pm the following day I was fine. Definitely a 24 hr thing but I did feel absolutely horrendous.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude

You really are taking it too seriously. As a PP said when DH is ill I will take care of him. When he is wandering around the house behaving like someone auditioning for an AmDram version of Victorian Swooning Lady, it’s quite hard to keep a straight face. We’ve been together for over 25 years and I do know the difference between ill and fit of the vapours.

Tbf I think that many of the posters who find their partner being over dramatic about illness and opting out of responsibilities completely when they are doing so are probably still in the midst of having young children in the home, which means that their partner doing so has far more impact on them.

And also is something very few mothers seem to do in comparison to fathers as women are so often the default parent even in a home where both parents are perfectly capable of being an equal parent / housework / cooking etc.

It's much easier to view it as funny when it doesn't impact on you too much anymore I think.

I find this one fascinating…..

I wonder if this was a tactic he used as a child to disarm/distract his parents when he was in trouble or experiencing conflict/disapproval?

A lot of men really do think the earth must revolve around them when they are sick.

3 months before I left my EXDP, I had a miscarriage. I had 7 hospital
visits/appointments across 3 weeks, one of which was a D&C operation under GA. 5 of those hospital trips I took the bus, 1 I drove myself and 1 a kind relative dropped me, and picked me up. Throughout, my DP never even once made me a cup of tea, and at one stage called me lazy because I was laid up in bed for 3 days running back and forth to the bathroom to expel the failed pregnancy.

After we split, EXDP had a minor operation, which he decided meant he could only look after DC for 6 days across the 7 weeks summer holidays.

When I queried this, his response was "but I'm siiiiiiiiiick...and you never even asked how I am" 🙄🙄🙄

I thought, you're right, I don't care. What I should have done is reminded of how he treated me when I had the miscarriage, but instead I put the phone down and carried on looking after his DC single-handedly, as I had during the time we'd been together.

My dh also does the shuffle of sorrow and the dressing gown of doom he puts on the weak little voice and gives me an hourly update on how he’s feeling every day until he’s better. I also have to feel his forehead to tell him if he had a temperature and what to take for it.

Partner is normally ok

But afew months ago, he was coughing in the night with reflux

I told him to get some water and take a reflux pill (He didnt)

An hour later, he was awake again, coughing and throat symptoms because of acid
Told him again to take a pill
He took it

Next morning he woke up with the hump

Apparently ‘He could of died in the night because he couldnt breath and i just told him to take a pill and didnt ask him if he was ok

My response ‘I knew you werent dying because i could hear you coughing’

In all fairness, he is amazing when im ill and does everything… But a reflux cough, and he could of died 😂