DH gravely ill - I have no sympathy

[DeBuugs]

This is half light hearted and half a vent.

We have two young children who still wake up a lot at night. DH never does any of the nights - he got himself into a nice little position where the kids only want me. I really feel the lack of sleep creeping on me and has been for a while.

DH has been sick with cold for quite a while now. He walks around all huffing, looking like he is about to faint and when he talks to me talks supper quiet and his speech breaks up - you know where I’m going with this. Like someone acting for their boss when calling in sick 🤣.

I gave him no sympathy since he announced he had a cold (I was sick then myself) and I think we have a stand off here and he will be sulking acting like he is about to die until I acknowledge his extremely bad cold. I have no intention to do so.

If any men comment on here please say that you are a man if you don’t mind. Interested to hear male comments 😊

Jesus mine does the opposite. Complete denial that he's sick but Staggers round the house moaning and barking at everyone until I roar 'would you ever f*ck off to bed!'

I’m a man and agree with you. Having a cold is a bummer but worse things can happen in life. Oh dear, how sad, never mind!

Yes they can't possible take a lemsip or a couple of nurofen for the cold. In case of something terrible like it'll cause liver failure! And yet they CAN manage a hot toddy

Mine likes to announce "I'm going to take another Beechams". We are both ill at the moment with a cold type virus. When he's talking to his friends on the phone he coughs constantly! When the call is finished the coughing stops.

‘I think I’ve got the same thing you/child has’ within half an hour. Still able to put a bottle of wild away though eh?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

👏

I should add, I only found out he'd spent the day on the settee with a hot water bottle on his stomach when I got home from work myself. If I'd realised he was going to phone in sick, I'd have put him right at the time.

I don't mock my husband for being ill, though I do sometimes end up with a headache from having to prevent the eye roll response to performative coughing and performative sneezing.

More often than not he will announce he's coming down with something that doesn't amount to more than two days of sniffles.

I announce in passing that I have a virus/have spent all night in the bathroom/have a streaming cold and DP says "Oh great, I'm going to get that now".

Mine refers to his cold as “The illness”. Constantly. He also has to FaceTime every family member so they can not only hear the performative cough and nose blow but see he’s poorly aka not shaved or showered so looks like shit anyway. Shuffling around in his slippers and T rex arms. Its a wonder they can drink their tea with such short arms! His poor mum had shingles in her eye and he barely mentioned it or asked how she was. This illness ….. This illness eleventy billion times. I have to wheel myself away I can’t stand to listen to it. It’s a cold. Take some paracetamol have a shower and clean clothes and you’d feel a bit better. He’s only had it for two days and already I’ve had “this illness is dragging on, isn’t it.”
My eyes roll further than my wheel chair.

Yes mine does that too! Any wonder I don't give him any sympathy. He also takes a carrier bag full of medicine to work with him every day so that everyone knows he's so ill he can't go out without taking the entire contents of the medicine cupboard.

My DH rarely gets unwell, he seems to have the constitution of an ox. On the very rare occasion that he does become unwell he will rally against it and refuse to surrender. Admirable behaviour but it doesn’t half grate at times. I wish he would just take it easy and give his body time to heal but he will relentlessly work and ‘push through it’. It makes me feel incredibly guilty when I become unwell and need to rest.

Oh goodness, does that mean that I’m the wearer of the dressing gown of doom in this relationship?

I don't think any women feel this way when their partner is genuinely ill, it is the well timed, i am sicker than you so therefore cannot be expected to help as no one has ever been sicker than me in the history of illness ever nonsense that gets dragged out.

Its the inherent selfishness of I'm sick and cannot possibly be expected to do anything rather than lay in bed... your sick, just get on with it attitude.

It comes as no surprise that divorce rates of people suffering from Terminal of life changing illness -

3 % of women who leave their sick partner
21 % of men who leave their sick wife.

So women are 7 times more likely to be abandoned by their husband , as he just cannot cope with having to step up to the plate and put someone's needs before their own, and the wife is no longer able to look after the home/kids/ bills / cleaning as needed.

YANBU. With my DH you don't have to put up with the drama queen huffing thankfully - he'll tell you every single little niggle he has!

My DH is a constant worrier and oversharer with any health conditions.

When our hairdresser was round, he gave her the whole story about his latest health worries (the woman has the patience of a saint!). When she was talking to me, we got on to "woman problems" comparing peri symptoms, etc, then I moaned that some antibiotics I'd been given had given me thrush and how expensive the Canestan stuff was and how annoying it was that an infected mossie bite had ended up costing me nearly £100 in prescriptions and other medications.

DH said "thrush? You never told me about that." at which point my hairdresser said "yes, well, women tend to just put up with illnesses without need a fuss or attention over them"

DH in good grace said "point taken"! 😂

To be fair to DH, I am recovering from a migraine, which started yesterday morning at church and is still hanging around with its after effects. He has been really solicitous and I am very grateful.

Oh my good god. My husband every single time. I do love him but come on!!!

My OH is definitely a hypochondriac and it's so bloody draining, listening to his endless list of things he has wrong every day. He also feels the need to repeat his whining voiced complaints at least every hour. The more I ignore him the more he complains.
As for Munchhausens by marriage, spot on that Mumsnetter! I couldn't have a period pain without him mirroring the symptoms. He actually announced to the whole family at the Christmas table, that the worst part of his 2023 was my menopause! I presume the hot flushes and rock bottom self esteem must be very draining....for him.

Mine had his own special little poorly outfit, he always emerges wearing this particular outfit when he is oh so ill. He also says ‘oh god’ so much that I tallied it up on the fridge board for all to see, think I got to about 50 times before I got bored counting. I only have to mention feeling slightly under the weather and the face of doom begins and ‘the voice’.

I recently had my second c section and about 30 minutes after a doctor had his entire arm in my uterus to stop me from haemorrhaging and being rushed back to theatre… he asked the nurse if he could have some paracetamol because he had a headache, she laughed at him 😁.

I cannot stand attention seeking men like this. They seem to resent more attention being on their partners, and have to try to get in on it. I mean, a headache? Fuck off, mate.

My friend’s husband, who we all secretly despise, holds court at any event which focuses on his wife or their child, or indeed anyone other than him. He talks consistently at you about himself. His ‘achievements’, the famous people he’s worked with, his ‘hilarious’ thoughts and experiences… it’s fucking insane. He tried to tell to the surgeon doing her csection all about himself until the midwife, (the surgeon having studiously ignored him) told him to be quiet. My friend was utterly mortified. He is unbearable. I imagine he’s similar when ‘sick’.

I had a chest infection that became pneumonia as I'm immunosuppressed and the antibiotics didn't work. One week in hospital, one week at home then back to work as I don't get paid sick. My OH does get paid sick and gets signed off for much less! I never feel 100% so it takes a lot to drag me down. Roll on retirement, 7 years and counting 🙄🤣

OP hasn’t been back to update us. Think we have to assume the worst, the poor little lamb DH has been bumped off by seasonal flu. Hand hold for the OP and children.

Nobody has responded to my question- do your children see this behaviour?

I think everyone was trying to keep it light.