DH gravely ill - I have no sympathy

[DeBuugs]

This is half light hearted and half a vent.

We have two young children who still wake up a lot at night. DH never does any of the nights - he got himself into a nice little position where the kids only want me. I really feel the lack of sleep creeping on me and has been for a while.

DH has been sick with cold for quite a while now. He walks around all huffing, looking like he is about to faint and when he talks to me talks supper quiet and his speech breaks up - you know where I’m going with this. Like someone acting for their boss when calling in sick 🤣.

I gave him no sympathy since he announced he had a cold (I was sick then myself) and I think we have a stand off here and he will be sulking acting like he is about to die until I acknowledge his extremely bad cold. I have no intention to do so.

If any men comment on here please say that you are a man if you don’t mind. Interested to hear male comments 😊

Howled with laughter at this - and I will be stealing it. I always get the thermometer and take my DH temp whenever he says the same. No temp, every single time. Textbook 36.4. I insist he takes to his bed so I don’t have to deal with him!

I must have had a rather strange, and unique, DH. He would go to the other extreme, and when it was obvious that he actually was ill he would say he was fine. Then, usually during the weekend, he would say he really didn't feel well at all and would have to go to an out of hours doctor (which is more expensive - I'm not in the UK). He suffered from asthma, smoked, and was prone to chest infections - I would rather he admitted to being ill and got treatment earlier.

😂😂😂

I was suffering with daily headaches and was told its just a headache. Now when ever he's ill my answe is its just a (fill in blank) 😂

We actually used to be sympathetic and so at the same time there wasn’t all this exaggeration.

However, since having had kids and him avoiding certain aspects of what comes with raising kids my sympathy is gone. E.g. if I’m sick I still have to do everything with the kids, if he is sick he is suddenly free not to do anything at all. We are talking two kids under three years old.

And it is not for lack of telling him I’m not happy that he is not pulling his weight.

I must have a faulty DH. He always wants to go back to work before he is well enough because "They won't cope without me". (He is employed by a major UK retailer with hundreds of staff across the country).

Do your children witness this behaviour?

Maaan, my husband is soooo stoic... he came out in a rash, I ran a glass over it and oh oh... 999... hospitalised for 10 days with pancreatitis... doctor "he must have been in so much pain"... wtf darling, why didn't you say??! Oh, it wasn't that bad... whereas I only have to stub my toe and EVERY f*cker knows about it. Immediately. Lol.

And it is not for lack of telling him I’m not happy that he is not pulling his weight.

Ah, yes. The 'you must be communicating wrongly when every other adult manages to understand you', gambit. I don't know why it's so difficult for some people to accept that some of us are good communicators (like the OP - look at how many of us share her well-described observations) but we are attempting to communicate and negotiate with people/partners who may rationally accept what we're saying but have no wish to change. (And we know them from years of observing them.)

And now back to chortling about oodles of Oodies of doom, shuffling gaits of pathos, Munchausens by Marriage and many more astute turns of phrase.

I have too much to do keeping my head above water and looking after the kids, I don’t have time to have sympathy for a man child with a cold who gets to sleep through with no disturbances. I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of acknowledging it.

They can usually manage a little soup 🥣 🙄

I quite agree. I’ve got no time for people who can’t accept that people get ill sometimes.

Ahhhh....the dreaded "Man Flu" 🙄

I'm single so I don't have to suffer the Dreaded Man Shuffle Of Poorliness, but it's all right because I am quite enough of a wuss in my own right. Only when I'm not REALLY ill though! If I am really ill (like hospitalisation job) I'm full of 'no, I'm fine, honestly, I feel fine!' But you really do not want to be anywhere near me when I've got a cold - I can whinge for Britain.

You are missing a trick here. He’s gunna be a dick regardless. And you’re gunna get it regardless. Be the best nurse ever. Go above and beyond. And then wait for you to be sick.

Hahahaha my other half also suffers from munchausen's by marriage 😂😂

Pick your battles. If you're the one on night duty, make sure he's the one that gets the kids up, dressed and with breakfast every morning. Or make sure he gets them up and takes them out for every single Saturday morning. Make his looking after the kids work for you. And then you won't be stewing in resentment. And everyone can be nice to everyone when they're sick. Tbh, you're both being a bit childish.

My husband once cought a cold. He was of course extremely sick, stayed in bed most of the time, came downstairs with a blanket around his shouders to watch tele. I gave in, he obviously needed his days of fame. GP told him to stay home a few days. Then I cought it (the works) snot, cough, fever, whatever. I still did the household and took care of the children, and no, that's not my point. But when I came back from the supermarket, coughing and feverish, car loaded with food etc., "and did you relember to pick up those nice yoghurts you know, for my sore throat etc. " and husband asked : "do you think I'm well enough to step outside the frontdoor and help carry in groceries. ".........well, fortunately I was to sick myself to kill him.

Omg Munchausens by marriage is BRILLIANT. Whenever I say I’m ill he’s miraculously ill with the same thing (but yet somehow obviously worse) very shortly thereafter.

Family of three here. A 4yo DD, DH and I. Flew to my country to spend Christmas with my parents a week before Christmas. I felt unwell on the plane but not expecting to spend all that week with the flu. Got to my parents place, looking for some mummy estra care, having plenty of people to attend DD needs and focusing in having some rest... But... DH started with a runny nose and dragging himself around the house. Guess who ended up having chicken soup in bed? The whole week I didn't even get the chance to take a nap. Infuriating!!!

I would rather DP went to bed for a day in order to get better sooner. It's the battling on (shuffle, dressing gown et al) that drives me nuts. And the constant sighing.
If you're ill, that's ok, go to bed and I'll bring you whatever you need.
But stop the drama.

Mine was like that and work insisted he took a Covid Test. Felt really guilty when it was positive. He'd actually been feeling really crap with very few symptoms.

Mine is the opposite. He has actually been on the point of death, repeated lifesaving surgery, various bits of him removed and the annoying thing is except when he’s been completely sedated he always acts as if everyone else is maki g a fuss about nothing. But moans about irrelevant things like me bringing in the wrong brand of lime juice to the ward. I can only tell if he’s going downhill because he’s extra grumpy. He’s not being heroic or stoic, just contrary. It drives me mad when he’s actually symptomatic and unwell, a doctor asks him how he’s feeling and he replies “oh not bad at all doctor” making me look like a complete drama queen.
You can’t win.

Oh the man flu , worse than malaria , more letal than colera , we woman call it a bug and still get on with life ! lol I would have no sympathy either

I saw a similar thread on here and someone asked if the DH was wearing “the dressing gown of doom” 🤣🤣🤣 that’s my DH when he’s ill …and why does any illness directly affect their ability to speak ?