To have emailed the attendance officer!

[SummerDays2020]

Today my DD had an ASD assessment and she was diagnosed with Autism. She was in school before the appointment and again after even though she was tired and upset because I thought I better send her back in because of her attendance. She has been at this school since a few weeks before Christmas and has had 5 days off. 3 for a heavy cold with a fever in her second week and 2 as she had D&V last week. She has severe anxiety and struggles every morning with the transition to school but apart from when she was ill she's gone in every day. She was in every day this week.

I got home from picking her up from school and checked my emails. I had an email from the attendance officer. Telling me that she may not authorise absences without medical evidence. All sorts of nonsense about 'support' and a 'plan' which amounted to - DD must have 97% attendance over the next 6 weeks and the threat about not authorising absences. Oh and she also reminded me that term time holidays can only be authorised in exceptional circumstances! I've not asked for a term time holiday!!

It honestly made me so angry. Every morning is a battle. It is so hard, I sometimes have to literally prize her fingers off me. She tries so hard and does so well, but instead of a well done we get this! It was just the kick in the teeth I didn't need today.

I replied that sending me this on the day of her assessment was nicely timed. I told her how hard it is for DD and me but I've got her in every morning except when she was unwell. I told her it was her choice not to authorise absence but as a nurse I knew how irresponsible it would be of me to send her in with a fever or D&V and equally how irresponsible to take her to the GP in these circumstances for 'medical evidence'. I also said I could see nothing about support or a plan only a threat and although I have worked very happily with school staff to support my DD I would not be threatened.

I wouldn't have minded if she'd emailed to see if she could support us. But it was just judgement and certainty not an email that encourages me to want to work with her on Dd's attendance!

I don't know the right answer but sympathy.

Experienced school teacher/ leader here. I’m glad you emailed. I’m sorry that the current, ridiculous government focus on attendance is resulting in more stress being added to your plate. I hate it. Well done to you and your daughter for getting in each morning, you deserve a bloody big pat on the back. Keep going. School will get better and easier for your daughter in my experience.

I work in education and it is vital that kid’s attendance is as good as possible. In my opinion you went over and above to show you understand this and were totally justified in being annoyed. Most kids in my school don’t come in the day they have the assessment. Hooray to a parent who keeps their child off when genuinely poorly too. So many parents sending sick kids to school because it makes life easier for them.

Thank you, that means a lot. And I hope so!

You have got her in every day other than those 5 days when she would probably have been sent home anyway as she was ill. You’ve done fine. Keep that up, no dropping your standards and you will be ok! You made a good call sending her back today 👍🏻👍🏻

You have handled this brilliantly. I am so sorry you were greeted with an email like that. You sound like a brilliant Mum

Good for you !
I know that attendance is important but i am sick of hearing of so many similar experiences like yours.
If my child is genuinely ill then i will keep them off - my child , my judgement, my responsibility.
Far too much pressure from all directions , no wonder children have such anxieties .
Focus should be on the irresponsible feckless parents who don't care , but due to todays pc rules we all get thrown in together and one 'style' of communication fits all.
I hope your daughter settles into school.

I know! I felt like asking should I come and drop her off at the sick room next time she's got D&V and if she'll look after her for the day!

She’s probably just like that with everyone because you will have people who take the piss. I’m so sorry for your situation and I hope things improve for you x

That's so kind, thank you!

Attendance officer… lol. What kind of made up job is that. You are doing a fantastic job. You have my sympathy.

Yo might have seen on the news recently about the problem with low school attendance in recent years and the resulting loss of education. The government are pushing this agenda. It’s not the school’s fault OP. Blame the government.

Parents send sick kids to school BECAUSE of emails like this, and the pressure to get high attendance. Ridiculous comment

Thank you.

The trouble is this type of pressure is liable to push me over the edge and then where would we be? DD wouldn't be in school that's for sure! I've surely shown myself to be a reasonable parent so why treat me so unreasonably?

Ignore the stupid jobsworth.

Until they start focusing on supporting the families who need it rather than those where children are sick they’re a waste of space.

Headteachers know which families need assistance and it’s not down to percentages on the register.

Sorry that was in response to @shockingteaching

I haven’t been off work ill for more than 24 hrs for over a decade. This autumn I was off for 2 x 1 week periods ( a month apart); but felt permanently ill for around 3. The illnesses this year have been hellish!! Everyone else been handed out antibiotics left right and centre. As I am youngish the GP won’t let me ever have anything. And as we speak no I have something else awful (dry sharp throat, with chunky productive cough and sneezes) that everyone else at work has antibs for… So yanbu. If your ill your ill. It’s been a stupid winter.

I blame the government, yes. But the school can choose how to implement this. If they really want parents to work with them to improve attendance then don't alienate the parents!

Sorry if I missed it but how old is your DD? I am having an issue with the school not authorising a sick day yesterday because her attendance was under 95% - I am her mother and if she is ill, she is ill!!

Well done for emailing back. My DCs school who I always thought were really sensible not having attendance awards etc have suddenly starting pushing it. I'm sure it'll just result in sick kids being sent into school and serial non attenders continuing in the way they have been.

Go easy on yourself op, I know receiving the diagnosis can be deflating even if you were expecting it. You sound like you're doing a brilliant job.

It sounds like you are already on top of everything, but now you have a diagnosis confirmed, please keep a specific eye on her if she is increasingly tired and anxious attending school as that can be the first stage of autistic burnout - especially if you get to the stage of literally fighting her to get her out of the house or in through the school gate, or you are having massive "coke bottle effect" dysregulation at 4pm, or she seems increasingly lethargic-ill with nothing on blood tests, or she can't engage with anything at the weekends properly anymore. If any of that occurs, a good place to start with advice is Dr Naomi Fisher, who has books but also does online webinars that can be purchased. "Missing the Mark" is also worth a look, as is "Not Fine In School". They are all on Facebook.

Also agree with @Gymnoob that this year has been hell for illness. They didn't want the DC a couple of years if they do much as coughed once but this year where it's heavy cold after heavy cold they want perfect attendance.

My DD is 11 in Y7.

And I honestly didn't realise it was impossible for DC to get ill if their attendance was under 95%?! Crazy!

Yes, this is ridiculous. I’d hit the roof if I received a message like this.

Hopefully your reply will prompt a rethink.