To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

See my previous posts on critical illness cover, income protection and life insurance. All of which any SAHP should have in place.

I'm a sahp and I do like it, it makes life easier all round as I'm here for the kids, 9 and 4, and my for my elderly parent. However, if I could get a little job for maybe 3 to 4 hours a day whilst the kids are in school then I would.

I do miss working at my old job, i loved it and was good at it but it was never a "career" as such. I was due to return after mat leave but covid hit and when I was asked back, we crunched the numbers and it would have actually cost us money for me to return to work with wrap around child care for the eldest, nursery fees for the youngest and a travel card. It seemed ludicrous to put myself back to commuting for 3 hours a day, working a stressful job which I did love but, in hindsight, wasn't very parent friendly, for literally no money!

I do look for jobs that are work for home but, to be honest, I don't even understand the job title sometimes or they want full time hours which I can't accommodate right now.

I did even go for an interview for a local job but the interview was gruelling, with tests etc that I wasn't made aware of before hand so couldn't prepare properly so I didn't get that job.

I do feel kinda stuck sometimes but the kids love having me about and at their age, my mum was never around, she was always at work, I spent a lot of my childhood alone.

My husband is works in the insurance industry so don't worry we have all the cover we need 😂

I stayed at home with my eldest two and absolutely loved it. Went part time when they were 10 and 8.
Unfortunately I increased my hours before DS was born and couldn't afford to stop working. I'm giving up work in July though as DS has additional needs and is going to need extra support before starting school.
It's easier as you don't have to worry about drop off, pick up, unexpected school/nursery closures. I loved being able to just take the kids out if it was a nice day and we did go to lots of groups which I didn't enjoy but they absolutely loved.

SAHM working very part time. DH earns 6 figures, so thankfully I don't "have" to work. I've enjoyed being at home, but youngest is almost 2 now and making steps towards working more as it's become a bit monotonous. Shan't be full time though as I really value being very available for my kids.

That is a myth.

@0rangeCrush you can have some protection and that's great but it is not equal to marriage.

That's your experience though.

Many of my female friends, acquaintances and family all work in career type jobs including my mum, MIL and aunts.

Except the vast majority do not.

That’s an amazing goal. I worked in a perinatal mental health team for eight years. We need motivated people, and your healthcare experience will be invaluable!

I agree.

My issue isn't at an individual level - people can and should do what they believe is best.

My issue is at a societal level and what it means for things such as equality within the work place, the gender pay gap and sexism such as how the mother is usually the default parent and the double standards when it comes to working mothers vs working fathers.

I am a SAHP with two children (3.5 and 1).

Sometimes I like it and sometimes I really don't. I'm happy that I am the one spending the most time with my children, so I get to see most of their "firsts". I get to play with them every day, take them on outings to the library and park and swimming, and I get to hear them talking and laughing pretty much whenever I want.I also have to deal with every single meltdown, every act of "naughtiness", and all of the whining. So much whining. Every day flows into the next and I never get to properly switch off.

I am a SAHP because DH works long hours and brings in a lot more money than I ever could. If I worked in my desired field (what I am trained to do and good at), our family would lose out financially due to nursery fees. While I understand that I am not protecting myself financially, I am currently a low risk of divorce, and our family needs every bit of money DH earns in today's economy. Would I work if it made financial sense in my family's position? Probably part time, just for my own sanity so that I could sometimes speak to someone whose primary interests aren't monster trucks and Numberblocks.

@ThePoetsWife

But you're advising someone based on the assumption that they're the same as your circle. You're talking about her losing her career etc, when it turns out her situation is more aligned with mine

I work FT, have done since DD was born (she's nearly 13). Am a single mum so staying at home was never on the cards for me.

Hard to be certain if you'd enjoy something you haven't tried but I'm fairly sure being a SAHM wouldn't have worked for me: I love my career and I find the prospect of being reliant on someone else's money absolutely terrifying. No judgement of people who don't work but it would have made me very anxious and restless.

Horses for courses and I can see some benefits from being at home but on balance I'm quite glad the choice was taken out of my hands: its allowed me to build a successful career and I'm completely financially self-sufficient and never have to worry about someone else's contribution.

There were some negatives in the very early years of having to take my DD into childcare when I went into an office five days a week (mainly for me as opposed to her) but the long term benefits far outweigh it in my view.

SAHP, 3 under 10.5. It was hell for the first few years, but got a bit better when they started school. Now they're all older I love it.

True and also it looks like what a previous poster said about working parents more like to have successful children Is probably correct.

All my DC have proper careers and I see the same for DC in my circle.

But nursery and childcare fees are a joint expense - the DC's father is their parent as well?? I don't get why it's the mother's burden

I've done both and now working.

I wouldn't change it for the world, yes a lot of the time it was hard. I certainly didn't have large disposable income to fritter on fun stuff we were cut to the bone and made things last.

However I believe it was the best thing for my dc.
If I could go back in time and make it perfect for me I would have coped better with perhaps 1 or 2 days working and family help for half a day.

That would have been great to get one day off!

The time has flown by though and pensions and everything else are OK.

I worked part time evenings from home until dd was 3 and now do full time some evenings and a couple of days. All from home though so essentially I feel like I do the sahm mum thing and the working mum thing. Not always easy but I don’t like nurseries for babies and toddlers or having to put the kids in after school. I did it it with my older dc and hated it

@ThePoetsWife

All these things are based on narrow studies.

What are they comparing it too?

Children with an educated parent at home speaking higher language go to depths a poorly paid nursery worker could never do or want to do.

Why would that impact small dc in professional carers it's impossible to work that out.
Long term unemployment generally with children and uneducated mother?..

I can't fathom how being in care from months old improves chances compared too a sahm who then goes back to work?

I’ve been SAHM since my DC were born . They are now teens . It has been the right choice for our family , DH stepped up to advance his career ( he was often out of the country anyway) and one of my kids struggles with school so it’s been good to be around to give him extra support.

I loved the early years , now I’m mum taxi and starting to get more free time , sometimes a bit bored mid afternoon ! No real regrets though . DH has a good salary but we have had to be careful financially - I don’t think anyone’s gone without but we don’t fritter money .

It's not, but sometimes it leaves the whole family worse off to put children in childcare, and not everyone can afford to lose an entire salary and then some.

DH and I have pooled our money ever since we got married. DH makes 5x what I make. It would be ridiculous for him to give up hours to do raise the children for me to make a pittance.

It's what I am seeing in my circle though with the vast majority of DC with decent education and successful careers 🤷🏻‍♀️

I thought if a child has a speech issue it actually improves by going to nursery?

Also viewing wages as pittance. Yes but it is your money and you can spend it as you like!