To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

@HalloumiGeller you do realise that nurseries take toddlers to libraries, museums and "hiking" (ok a nature walk).
I saw whole group in the supermarket the other day. They had one of those snazzy 6 seater pushchairs plus a triplet one for the tiny ones and a few were walking (with those backpacks with safety reigns on). They looked so cute and the toddlers all seemed to be enjoying it.
The actual day to day activities of toddlers are actually very similar whether they are at a nursery, childminder, with a nanny or "at home" with mum.

Yes I do lack ambition when it comes to a career, luckily for me that isn't a turn off to my husband. I don't view myself as wimpy, I view myself as feminine and traditional. I know a lot of you rad fems piss your pants over gender roles, but I couldn't care less. I also don't believe I said my husband sit on his arse in an office all day, odd assumption to make.

I'm not sure anyone was ever disputing this tbh, were they?

Doesn't mean that no one should do it, does it?

I always find this thing about museums etc not being suitable for young kids really odd 1) because nearly all have sections geared towards kids and 2) whenever I go there are loads of little kids there so clearly loads of people do go!

It goes both ways. You absolutely get judged if you have a career as a woman too.

I'm selfish and materialistic because as a woman, I clearly only work to buy fancy cars and holidays. I'm not a big hero provider like men.

''They are only little for such a short amount of time'', ''It goes so fast, I think you'll regret it'', ''Aren't you going to miss him?'' etc all said about me going back to work. Nothing was said to my husband.

It's assumed that I'm cold and not maternal because obviously, I care more about my career than my own child.

So many comments about nurseries and ''strangers'' raising him.

I think it's the double standards that bothers me the most. My husband works FT too and has never had a negative word about him working.

That's fine, they can do it if they want to, however I personally find it boring as fuck with a toddler, but I'm happy to do those things with my teen and pre-teen

@Fliopen I was responding to @HalloumiGeller saying that was activities more for "older children".
I think she's the only one who thinks that though.

Oh I know, it’s terrible.

I honestly couldn’t give a shit what anyone else on this earth chooses to do. Other peoples lives are none of my business.

Everyone is different.

You sound bitter tbh.
My husband also take days off (fairly regularly actually, being self employed) to spend quality time with us during the week and at weekends. Not sure why you think that is some sort of achievement or why you are purposefully misinterpreting my words to mean a present father isn't masculine. I made the distinction clear in that IMO I don't view being an unemployed SAHD as a masculine role.

I said I would enjoy those more with older children (I have older children) so from experience, nope, not fun with toddlers

@HalloumiGeller most museums and libraries do activities specifically for toddlers but yes - not all toddlers and/or their adult will enjoy them.

What makes it 'feminine'?

@SouthLondonMum22 biology primarily.

'I personally find it boring as fuck with a toddler'

Well at least you're honest about that. Other women don't find it boring however. It's what you make of it, like anything else in life.

I think being a SAHM mum with very little money compared to one with a lot and who can drive can make a big difference to wether you enjoy it or not. Easy to say do this or do that if you can't get to those places or afford this. SAHM is Probably more enjoyable if you can go for a coffee or go to the gym that a wealthy SAHM I know does. Luckily in my deprived area there is tons of church groups or parks.

@BreeBacon Oh dear.

@LorlieS Indeed

What about a penis makes men unable to cook, clean and look after children?

What about men who have jobs doing things that you define as feminine? Is cooking okay for a man as long as he is getting paid for it? Is it okay for a man to nurture children as a teacher, but not as a father?

If men who are primary caregivers are not masculine; are females who are primary earners masculine?

My partner took voluntary redundancy from his job to allow me to keep working in mine while we had young kids. IMO it takes a pretty masculine man to say, you know what, I’m doing what is right for my family and fuck gender roles. I’d argue it’s a pretty weak man who is too scared of being seen as “feminine” by looking after their children.

I hope your children don’t grow up to be pigeonholed into a role based on their genitals. How sad.

@0rangeCrush You've gone off on one there. I never said having a penis makes men incapable of cooking or cleaning. I've merely said IMO, enthesis on MY OPINION, being an unemployed SAHD is a feminine role. I wouldn't worry about how my children grow up (low blow), worry about your own.

How could being a SAHD be a feminine role? How many dads do you know who are feminine? Are working mothers masculine? What does enthesis mean? Is that a special word that only non-ambitious unemployed people use?

My own children will grow up to believe that they can grow up to do whatever job they want, regardless of their gender. I’d hate to think you had a son who had a hard-working, high earning wife, who really wanted to be at home with his kids but couldn’t because of the shame it would bring his family. Or if you had a daughter who had the audacity to be ambitious; therefore must be masculine. Imagine pigeonholing your kids futures based on their genitals.

emphasis* Must be my brains turning to mush being a SAHM

Nicely avoiding all the questions because you realise if you answer them, you will sound like an ignorant arsehole 😂😂😂

@0rangeCrush Your partner is a legend.
My hubby took one day a week off work (unpaid) to be with our little girl when I returned to work. He took her to classes, he played and played.
He is by far one of the most incredible guys I've ever met.

Hopefully it goes without saying that not all SAHP share the opinion of BreeBacon that being a SAHD is feminine.