To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I was a SAHP and loved every minute of it. Never seen the point of having kids just to have them in nursery 5 days a week. Yea there were some absolutely lean times but best thing ever. I was effectively the little housewife and I bloody loved all of it. We had one joint bank account where everything went into and everything came out of. So although yes financially dependent we were still equals - I guess it depends on how you and your DH interact. For us it really was/is a 100% equal partnership.

Sah parents aren’t obliged to only do those things, there is nothing stopping them from going to museums, hiking, the library, the pub, their mates houses etc, and nothing stopping them from setting up their time at home in a way that works for them as well as their children.

If you structure your day as if you are a toddler too and only do toddler activities then of course you will get bored.

I think a lot of it depends on where you live and whether there are lots of other SAHPs around. If there loads of toddler groups in your area and all the mums (or dads, as the case may be) get together regularly, it's actually very social and a lot of fun and you meet loads of people you wouldn't have otherwise.

Thinking about it retrospectively - when I was in my 30s and the kids were babies / toddlers and the days were our own - that was the happiest time of my life.

Being a SAHM is as engaging or dull as you make it. You don't have to spend all day doing any of that. Toddler and I are spending the morning walking a NT park for example. Play doh and cbeebies all day every day would turn even the most placid toddlers brain to mush.

I have to say I've never found being at home remotely boring, certainly when compared to trudging into an office 5 days a week and spending the majority of my day in tedious, pointless meetings.

I’ve been thinking about this thread this morning. Especially the feminist comments.

I have known some women in RL who have had very strong opinions on me being a very long term SAHP (22 years and counting, my youngest is 3). Especially as I decided to stay at home from the age of 22. Friends of mine the same age were horrified. I just didn’t want the same things in life as they did. I was dropped like a hot stone.

I’ve heard every angle on now I have wasted my life, that I am not a feminist and I should be, that I will be fucked if dh leaves me, that I’ll die destitute with no pension (I can’t live my life on what ifs, I’m afraid).

I have been outright mocked in my time. All because I have chosen a different path in life.

I have had people decide that I must be a walkover whose husband takes advantage, that I am some sort of domestic slave to my family, that I have to beg my husband for money. Oh, and that he will have no respect for me and is definitely going to cheat or leave me. No thought that actually, we might have a very happy and very equal relationship and both want the same things from life.

That I am somehow less of a person because I didn’t want to slog my guts out working for someone else or just so I could have money for more stuff that I don’t really need. that I am setting a terrible example for my children. Again, no thought that I might be happy.

Why is it such an alien concept to people that different things make different people happy?

And also, I have come across the opinion over the years that if you are a SAHP, your brain is stagnant, you have nothing to say etc.

So, if I were to go back to an admin job, like I did before my first was born, mindlessly inputting data onto a screen, listening to people in the office talk about their holiday plans or diets and then sitting on the tube for an hour to flop on the sofa exhausted, would I magically have more of a brain and more things to say?

Oh yes. You would know all about Janet’s new sofa, and how many grams of carbs Calvin ate yesterday. You would know that you can now press a special combination of keys to start a new line on your spreadsheet, the number for the IT help desk, and who to call in accounts when the payroll is wrong again. All that rigorous intellectual thought is what you should live for!

@Ouchmyarse @Whatdoy But what if you were to return to a professional career?

@Whatevershallidowithmylife An equal partnership, except not financially?

Judging by the people I know with professional careers, they don't seem to have anything of more worth or interest to talk about than my SAHP friends.

SAHPs don't just live and breathe their kids you know. I'm interested in books, politics, music, art...all sorts of things outside the home which I can speak to people about.

Do other people only speak about their jobs?!?!

Bizarre way to think.

Therefore, by your own definition, you are wimpy and lacking ambition?

Im not sure what about sitting on your arse in an office is masculine either, but that’s beside the point.

@Fliopen I respect that, but posters were referring to "boring admin jobs "

Well, I guess that would be different, if I had wanted a professional career and trained for one. That’s not me though.

I never wanted a career. I wanted to be a mother and to just have a nice, happy life. I didn’t want to “be” anything. I don’t and didn’t have things I want to achieve, other than just to enjoy my life. I didn’t want to work to make someone else richer. Life is short. If I didn’t have children for some reason, I would have just been travelling and doing temp jobs wherever to keep me going. I live a really simple life as it’s what I want (my husband is of the same mindset, although he sort of fell into a professional job which he actually enjoys but he has a lot of freedom in it).

I know that isn’t an easy concept for some people to grasp either and that’s okay - we are all different.

@LorlieS out of curiosity what jobs count as a "career" to you. Most women I know that claim to have a "career" seem to work in vague office jobs doing admin....
Edit : it applies to a lot of men I know too.

Aren't you a primary school teacher? Thats hardly ground breaking, cutting edge, fascinating stuff of revelations is it? Although my 7 year old certainly does say some interesting things!

Yes, I’ve never understood it.

I read, I have interests. Being able to hold an interesting conversation isn’t just exclusive to those who work.

@0rangeCrush No - because she's a woman so staying at home automatically makes her attractive to her equally attractive and incredibly masculine ft working husband.
My hubby is taking annual leave tomorrow so he can have a Daddy-Daughter day with our 3 yo. He's taking her to her music lesson and they will literally be living their best life.
Do you think he needs his testosterone checking?! 😆

You can try to sell it to me all you like, it's not working 😅 those activities all sound great for older kids, not toddlers.

I could go back to profession with a bit of hoop jumping (due to how long I’ve been out, needing to do X number of days of this/that/the other for membership to the register), I actually got pregnant just before finishing all that officially and because of various constraints I would have had to go back full time when my son was 3 months- so I jacked it in because I didn’t want to.

It wouldn’t matter to me though what job or career I went back to- I hate going to work. It impinges on my doing what I like time!

And I have enough about me that I’m not short of conversation, even without a job to talk about.

Actually at the moment I’m home educating my nearly 10 year old, so plenty of people do get paid to do what I do all day… I still find it boring as arse though.

Good for you, but many people don't have the luxury of being a SAHP.

🤷‍♀️ kids are all different. Mine enjoyed all sorts (he is autistic with severe adhd though so may have unusual tastes).

Im not trying to sell it to you- I thoroughly believe everyone should do what suits them- I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be all cbbies and the wheels on the bus.

@DontBeTight be sure you are married with a rock-solid relationship before giving up work completely. I was in a similar situation - although I had a 20 year career under my belt - and don’t regret dedicating myself to motherhood at all. But my partner turned abusive and I’m essentially now left high and dry, as my job no longer exists 6 years down the track

I recently took my nearly two year old to the library. He spent most of the time flinging books off the shelves. I am not a museum, as much as I love them, is a very attractive prospect at the moment.