To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

What a sad attitude.

Do you only equate ambition to working for a salary?

What about those who aren't "kept" but live off savings from working for decades before having children?
And those (like myself) who while being "kept" and "staying at home all day" (how ridiculous a conclusion to jump to!) volunteered for a charity, raised hundreds for the charity, did extremely worthwhile (unpaid! Mind blown! Who knew!) work, was extremely ambitious and then when my kids were at school I took on a paid role at a charity (which was every bit as "worthy" as my unpaid work obviously).
All whilst setting an example to my children regarding being ambitious and doing a job you love. A job which was much more worthwhile than some office jobs/ "careers" are.
And without having to stick my children in a nursery all day.

People who look down their nose at others and make silly snooty judgements aren't my kind of people.

If I had had the choice I would have stayed at home and re-trained in something I enjoyed. I would also have done some voluntary work to keep my soft skills up to date and provide examples for application forms in case i decided to go back to work when the dc were older.
I think it’s important to have your own income and I would be looking at ways to enhance this for the future.
You are in an enviable position so make the most of it.

Why are you saying this like it's a bad thing?
I get upset when someone I love leaves and I miss people that I care about.

It is natural for a small child to feel sad about not being with someone they love.
That is a much healthier emotion than trotting happily into a random school or nursery when you don't know anyone. Children who do this do it because they haven't got the same relationship with their primary care giver because they're used to being put in the care of a variety of adults and it is normal for them.

Silly snooty judgments like children of working parents are “stuck in a nursery all day” and “haven't got the same relationship with their primary care giver”? Or is it only objectionable when people are talking shite about your life choices to win an argument on the internet?

I stayed at home for 4 years with my youngest, but I'd never stay at home for that length of time again, it's boring and monotones IMO. I enjoy working!

I'll be going back to work on a part time basis once my baby (due in May) is between 10 months and a year old, as that at least gives me an extra day in the week to keep on top of the house etc.

I agree with you, it gets SO boring and isolating at times, especially if you don't have family near you (which i don't). Its not fun being at home with a toddler all day lol

The relationship isn't going to be the same though is it? It couldn't possibly be the same. Be it better or worse or just different.

I work full time and always have. Ideally I would work part time but we can't afford it. Maybe one day.

The line I quoted was prefaced with “It is natural for a small child to feel sad about not being with someone they love.
That is a much healthier emotion than trotting happily into a random school or nursery when you don't know anyone.” It’s very obvious to that the poster is saying working parents have a drastically different and worse relationship with their children to the extent that the children aren’t attached to them as a loved primary carer, and honestly, whatever, MN is full of this kind of dreck coming from both sides but I didn’t quite have the control to scroll past a post from them on the same page saying they dislike people who make judgements.

I really don't care what people do or don't do, but are we really going to sit here and pretend that parents who work FT are doing so because they think it is better for their child's social development? Parents work FT because we live in a capitalist society that requires them to, and/or because THEY want to.

Many children of SAHP attend nursery or preschool, they just don't go all the time.

And BTW it is entirely normal and expected for young children to show some reluctance or upset at separating from their primary caregiver. It's the sign of a securely attached child.

Starting school at 4 is utterly absurd IMO but that's a whole other story.

@Fliopen Don't forget children don't have to start school (in any capacity) until they are 5. My youngest son (August born) only did part-time Reception. Emotionally he just wasn't ready.
I don't think it had a detrimental impact on his education... got eight 9's in his GCSEs last August ❤️
I'm a primary teacher of 20 years and I firmly believe children start school way too young in this country.
I was also a single working mum for a number of years so I know how hard it to balance work etc, but where there's a will...

Indeed.

Children who have been in nursery full time from 12 months or whatever will have shown upset at being separated from their primary caregiver to begin with, it is a natural instinct for mammals.

If they don’t show it when they change from nursery to school (and actually many do), it’s because they are conditioned to accept it already. The children who aren’t yet will be soon enough.

And actually if you look at the research into EBSA for example, you will find that nursery attendance doesn’t have an impact.

Most children you see who are crying at the school gate will have been to nursery, because most children go to nursery (or child care of some type).

5 also way too early IMO. Education should be play based in Y1, 2 and 3. In scandi countries they don't start at all until age 7 and even then it's hugely play and outdoor based.

But I home educate my kids because of my utter disenchantment with the UK state school system so I am biased.

Agreed

Not sure I agree. My summer born daughter is bright as a button. She was very ready for school. She was bored with only two days nursery and toddler groups. Obviously she was only four years and one month but she needed school.

It is. We pretty much go to a toddler group every day as my son would go mad staying in (just like me!). I get to chat to grown ups as well. 👍

Depends on the child hence why I don't think every summer born should be deferred.

I've raised 2 toddlers, so no, it's not fun and games all day at all. I did a toddler group everyday with my son, but that's 2 hours max of a 12 hour+ day, of the same mundane, pointless chitter chatter! I love my kids and the time i spent with them, but I honestly enjoy the time with them more now that they're 10 & 14, its much more interesting. The ideal balance is part time work, keeps us all sane.

Yep my day or two at work is a break. To be honest I find it so very boring at home! Glad many others feel the same.

I have one DS (although he has ASD and ADHD so is a handful.) I work 3 days a week, 2 from home and 1 in the office. It feels a good balance to me. I have time off to sort the house and take care of life admin. DS doesn't have to do after school childcare every night. I tried working 4.5 days a week last year and was frazzled.

My kids are older teens now but we couldn’t afford for me to stay at home when they were pre schoolers. I worked part time evenings and weekends which allowed me to be at home with them during the day and then DH had then when he was home from work. It was tough. When DS2 was 1 I changed my job and started studying and eventually did a degree and a complete career change. This enabled me to increase my earning potential.

I’ve worked part time (30hrs a week) for years and it suits me.

if I had been in a position financially to stay at home when they were younger I would have definitely. Do what suits you and your family

Very funny that the SAHM who posters were accusing of reinforcing sexist stereotypes of 'men work, women do childcare,' came back to say she has a wife.

Its 2024. We are allowed to be attracted to whoever we are attracted to and to have whatever family set-ups we like. If some women are attracted to men with a 'provider mentality' or they prefer more traditional roles because they want to be with their children, well that's how they feel and that's absolutely ok. Why not? If they want a man who expects them to work, then there's plenty of those men - knock yourself out! If they want to be with a woman or be single, or not have kids at all - fine. Do what you want. People need to stop projecting their narrow-minded insecurities onto others.

I think how boring people find it depends on a lot of factors- I had friends that were off too so I wasn’t on my own often, we would get together every day pretty much, either at someone’s house or we would go off to places (places that we enjoyed too, not just soft play!).

I also had enough money not to worry about it if we went to the zoo, the cinema, out for breakfast and lunch, a music group and the shops all in the same week.

And my son is very independent, he has always been happy doing his own thing in his own company so didn’t want me to play imaginary games etc for hours… I could read a book and he would potter around his playroom quite happily.

Of you were in a lot with a child who wanted you to play dinosaurs for hours or at baby groups with people you didn’t know it would be extremely boring.

With you totally! Being at home all day everyday is boring, there's only so much kids TV, toddler groups and playdoh a person can handle 😅

@HalloumiGeller I much prefer Playdoh and Cbeebies to the job I used to do ! My job was boring.