To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I don’t accept it. I absolutely support women to do whatever they feel called to do with their lives.

What exactly is it you would have me do to readdress the balance? Vote? I do. Be educated? I am (very). Work? I have when it’s been appropriate. Call out the patriarchy? Believe me I bore people to tears with it in real life. Join consciousness raising groups? Done that. Protest? Done that too. Volunteer for charities that support women? Done that.

My kid knows full well that women can do all the things men do. He knows women can work, build furniture, fix roofs, take the bins out, drive fast cars, earn a lot of money and race motorbikes and run refugee camps as well as hoover, breast feed, do the school run, educate, cook and parent.

I take my responsibility to raise a boy who understands that women are his equal in every way extremely seriously- he values all the contributions women make in the world, not just the ones that earn money or reject traditional female roles.

@Perfect28 She'd find my husband vile!
He's so unmasculine by her "standards" he's practically a woman! 😆

@BreeBacon 😂

@LorlieS each to their own. What works for you is different to what works for me. That is life.

@Whatdoy That all sounds great, but what of this is he actually witnessing? How much away from the stereotypical gender roles?

Worked PT until both DDs were at school. Am back at work FT and have been since 2022 academic year and I bloody love it!!! ❤️

Do what works for you but do remember the risks associated with not working at all for a long time.

How could you tell that a child stayed "at home" with their mum all day?

Was it because those children had a really good bond with their primary care giver as opposed to a child who was in a nursery with a ratio of one adult per five children, high staff turnover so no proper chance to bond with an adult and had no one to one care from an adult?
Or was it something else?

Also I'm trying to think of any parent - SAHP or otherwise - who sits at home all day with a baby or toddler. Is that common in your area? Since you can tell by looking at them at school? The mind boggles.

Look love, I’m a dyke. I’m married to a hard working, well educated, successful woman with a professional career.

So my son sees a lot less of the stereotypical gender roles than yours I expect.

He KNOWS women do all the things, because we do all the things. No man to earn the money or take the bins out or shift the furniture or clean the gutters. No man to patronise me or loose respect for me over something so puerile as whether I am in paid work at the moment.

As far as he is concerned, there doesn’t exist a job or role that a woman can’t do as well as any man, and he isn’t afflicted with the idea that only paid contributions count, or that caring rolls of any kind are lesser than others.

@Whatdoy Fair enough.
I guess we will just have to agree to disagree with the relying solely on another person financially.
But by goodness I'm glad you don't gender stereotype like some others on here do.
Genuinely can't believe some of the comments made re "masculinity" and childcare!

For all those lamenting examples set to children, I was raised by a successful career woman and I'm a SAHM, so make of that what you will.

Opposite for me! I had a SAHM growing up and I'm now a successful career woman. 😅

And it's important to remember that for a lot of families, there simply isn't the option for a SAHP (even if one parent wanted to do that).
So it's not always about choice.

Me too. I was raised by a woman who had lived in all women communes, raised 2 kids entirely alone and when she did marry my dad and have me she out earned him by far (he was a professor). She loved her career and was forced into retirement kicking and screaming 😃.

Funnily enough she has always supported me to live my life the way I see fit.

As I said, I can see that in some circumstances it would be useful to have your own income stream, and in others it would be vital.

I appreciate that different people have different perspectives on risk in terms of their relationships or circumstances in general, so would feel uncomfortable not to work.

Some women don’t enjoy being around their kids all the time, or really love their work.

Some women really don’t see the value in the unpaid contribution they make.

A lot of women have to work whether they like it or not!

Personally I hate working. I don’t like having obligations, I don’t like keeping appointments, I don’t like having to talk to people I’m not interested in, or do things I find boring. I don’t like having to consider the opinions of people I think are stupid, or follow rules that are arbitrary. I like to do what I want, when I want and I can not tolerate being told what to do.

My wife on the other hand has been working flat out since she was 15, and I doubt she would quit if we won the euro millions.

Not sure I could be a SAHM. It would tank my career. Also I'm a higher earner, so that would be a lot lost in pension and family standard of living. However, I do intend to work PT after maternity leave to balance things. Could be anywhere between 2-4 days a week, depending how I feel about leaving the baby.

I work part time and have done in some capacity since the end of my first mat leave. I work 3 days a week, 2 days from home and one day in the office. That balance works for us and I feel I get enough time with the children but also keep my career which I've worked hard for. Pension etc...is another key reason, as well as the safety net of another income.
Everybody is different though!

I work so i will always remain financially independent from my husband, no offence too my actual husband it is just what I think grown ups are best doing so I do it

I’ve already answered this in the thread but as you’ve obviously not bothered to read it all - These kids were clingy and lacked confidence when left. They were not as social ( when mum wasn’t there)

and again, you’ve taken it literally. It’s not about sitting at home with mum all day it’s about being with mum all day, whatever the activity.

You say that as though it's detrimental. Is it? Has there been any research into how being with mum all day is awful for a child's development? Besides appearing a bit clingy when they first start school, because heaven forbid a 4 year old be lacking emotional resilience temporarily!

I said that what happened at my school and a view that is shared with many of my reception teacher friends. I don’t care enough to research. ( again, all here in the thread / you’ve got nothing new time say!)

edited to add: of course it’s detrimental to a child when they are suddenly in a situation within which they don’t know how to cope. In a class of 30.

if you really want to know about the real benefits of working and not staying at home, read the thread ‘being accused of living rent free in my own home’ …

That they struggle initially is not the same as "detrimental". If you're going to make assertions like that, yes you should be expected to back them up.

lol ok. I didn’t realise that the point of MN was to quote research rather than have an opinion?

You just don’t like mine!

Maybe you’d do better with Google in the future!

I mean you're not even using the word "detrimental" right, so perhaps start with a dictionary.

Hahahahahah you’re brilliant! Hope trying to belittle me has made your day! I mean it’s not worked. Detrimental is the correct word thanks , you just don’t agree. I don’t think you should need to start personally attacking people and their views on the internet to feel better about your staying at home or working choices. But you do you!

No, all the research shows the opposite.