To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I am part of a couple. My husband pays the bills. I stay at home with the children.

If my child grows up and decides to do the same, if they are happy, I wouldn’t be disappointed with them.

@Ouchmyarse Do you have a son or daughter?

Found that I lost a sense of me when I was a SAHM and got quite morning! I think working P/T is a happy medium, it's great for my self worth and also great for my children to see a female role model working and working well! I also think my husband respects me more now I am back working and I understand why,

Two of each.

@Ouchmyarse Let's hope they all marry partners that can facilitate that, then.

Out of interest I wonder in reality how many families currently have a SAHD and working mum?

@Bogfrog really needed to hear / read that. Thank you

@lolacherricoke I totally agree with you!

@LorlieS SAHD are much rarer for the obvious reasons.

Again, that’s obvious. But I don’t see your point?

Unless it’s just to repeat (again) that you think being a sahm/sahd is a lesser choice? And we all got that many posts ago…

You asked me if I would be happy if my child chose not to work- my point is yes, I would be happy as long as my child was. If they won the lottery, or were a stay at home parent, or a house wife, or a substance farmer or a high court judge, or lived 40 years at Findhorn it would all be the same to me.

@LorlieS I know several families where the dad was either a SAHP or worked part time and did most of the child related stuff (school drop offs etc) while the mum was out working full time.

@Needmorelego Several isn't an equal share though?
I wonder why it's still the case that far, far fewer dads are SAHPs than mums.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was 6. Then I went back to work part time and I’m very happy. Wouldn’t have changed being there full time, but also wouldn’t change working full time. The kids see me work and (I believe) respect me more for seeing it.

@LorlieS to be honest I think it's simply biological. The woman gives birth. She needs time to physically and mentally recover from pregnancy and childbirth.
There's also breast feeding. Obviously is the mum is with the baby at home then breastfeeding can happen much easier.
Babies need someone to take care of them because they are literally helpless - and to be honest that could be anyone who does that. But as the mother needs to let her body recover etc it makes logical sense that mum stays home.

@LorlieS Because the majority of men don't want to stay home and be provided for. This comes down to male ego and masculinity. I'd find it extremely unattractive if my husband didn't work.

Yep- partly biology, and also because (like @LorlieS), women on the whole earn less therefore it makes financial sense. Also social norms and culture.

We have been over this too, I don’t know why @LorlieS thinks the answer will have changed from the last page.

@BreeBacon How extremely sexist!

So it's "unattractive" if your husband doesn't work but all.good if you don't because you're a woman?!!

What if your husband didn't earn enough for you to stay at home? How attractive would he be to you then?

You're pulling my chain, right?!

Obviously totally respect your choice and what makes you happy but for me, my self worth isn’t tied up with paid work. Plus my husband respects me for my values, the love I show friends and family, my SOH etc.

@Whatdoy Do you not think as women we should be at least attempting to redress this balance rather than simply just accepting it?

Which comes down to societal norms and sexism. Men are raised from birth to view caring roles as woman's work, the expectation is that they are the providers.

Yes, I would find it totally unattractive if he didn't work. He doesn't find me unattractive for not working, in fact quite the opposite. He loves that he has the ability to allow me to be a SAHM as he reaps the benefits of my contributions being home, just as I do from him working.

If my husband wasn't a higher earner then I would have to get a job obviously.

I did work before the kids, believe it or not. I said I'd find it unattractive if he didn't work at all, not if he earned less. I find masculinity sexy so the idea of a man who wanted to look after babies all day and lacked ambition for a career would be a huge turn off. I'd find it wimpy.

@BreeBacon Next you'll be telling me you're a feminist!! 😆
I still think you're having me on.

@SouthLondonMum22 These are societal norms for a reason. Men and women are different.

@BBreeBacon wow, I feel sorry for your kids with you having such horrendous, stereotypical and harmful views. Wimpy? Seriously, it's 2024.

@LorlieS I don't label myself. Feminism is based on equality. I believe in equal rights.

Not sure what is so surprising about my preferences, they are rather typical.

So I should fancy a wimpy feminine man because 'the patriarchy'. I'll pass.

It used to be the societal norm for only men to be allowed to vote, it also used to be the societal norm for black and white people to be segregated.

Society doesn't always get it right and thankfully, society can and does change. Hopefully one day it won't be considered unattractive for a man to look after his own children.