To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

This makes no sense whatsoever.

Some women enjoy pursuits that are stereotypically associated with women. Doing so is not "anti feminist".

It’s surely playing into gender stereotypes to reinforce that these are “gendered” activities.
My partner enjoys housework and he is in no way feminine, because “housework” is not a gendered task.

Well, quite. Unfortunately there are quite a few apparent feminists who buy into the notion that anything typically seen as "feminine" is inferior and unworthy. Which IMO is about as anti feminist as you can get.

I'm 2.5 years in and I'm finding it hard! Working was much easier for me. I feel my brain has gone to mush I'm starved of adult company and conversation. But in the next breath I have so much parental guilt for not being a SAHM for my other children.

It's down to you, do you enjoy groups? Solo activities with kids. Do you have the imagination, patience and staying power to keep child entertained? Some mums just seem to be great at it and love every aspect, I find myself wishing the days away.

Nobody said that though. Liking doing housework, looking after children, or any other activity is fine and valid. However defining them as “feminine” or “women’s work” or whatever is not feminist, and I’d argue it’s actually harmful because it reinforces that women somehow should be doing feminine things like cleaning the toilet. Which is why we have so many lazy man-children who have little to do with their children or the running of their home.

Except that's not what I did.

I loved being a sahm, a friend of mine in the same NCT group hated it but when she went back to work part time she really enjoyed the work and the time at home with the children

i would tell both my sons and daughter to make sure that they are careful with their careers and don’t become a sahp if it would be detrimental to them, as much as possible i think childcare should be shared wherever possible

It wasn’t you, I was referring to the previous comment by @BreeBacon :

“@LorlieS I also have a separate savings account which my husband puts money into each month, plus a rental property with that mortgage in my name. I'd still opt to be a SAHM/housewife over working whether I had these safety nets or not. Some women just prefer the traditional gender roles.”

@Oliotya I work for just over £1k p/m so not sure you can class that as a "Well paid" job?!!
But I vehemently disagree with stereotypes of roles bases purely on gender.
And all this "man as the provider" rubbish.
Feminism isn't about "I'm a feminist when it suits me."

I have a Saturday job which I love! It gets me out of the house and have that adult time/using my brain in a different way. I also keep my foot in the door a bit with the world of work. But then I get to spend the whole week with my children. I think working or volunteering 1 day a week is a good option if you don’t need the money!

@Marian220 Should you only do paid work "because you need the money?"

of course everyone is different, but many people work full time because they need the money?

i do do paid work, just one day per week.
I am saying you can still have a lot of the benefits of working but not work full time. You can also get many of those benefits from volunteering.

this is In reference to the OP saying she doesn’t need the money. You don’t need to be pedantic!

@LorlieS isn't that why most people go to work - because they "need the money"?

@Needmorelego Possibly, not everyone though. I know I certainly don't work solely for that reason. One big reason for me is to maintain financial independence, for example. Lots of other reasons.

@LorlieS out of curiosity if you won big on the lottery would you stop working (as in paid employment in the job you do now)?

If you're earning £1k a month, you're surely no less "self reliant" or financially (your words) than I am. You're certainly not supporting even one child on that without outside help.

The money is nice and I wouldn't do it for free but I work for so many reasons - I love what I do, sense of achievement, having my own money, it's good for my mental health etc.

Maintaining financial independence is just needing the money- you need the money to maintain ‘financial independence’.

£1k/month is plenty to support a family on if you don’t have housing costs, for example (say you are mortgage free)

Its the reality for millions.

That poster isn’t mortgage free in that sense, she is privately renting with 3 kids.

@LorlieS The fact that you think you can gatekeep on what makes a woman feminist or not is completely anti feminist. Feminism is about equality and women having the freedom to choose their life path. Just because I am a housewife who prefers traditional roles it doesn't mean I don't believe in equality and mutual respect. My marriage is based on teamwork and we both contribute to the overall happiness of the family, just in different ways.

I believe that poster is private renting and has multiple children. She certainly would not be self sufficient on £1k

@Needmorelego Most definitely not. I find work incredibly helpful for my MH. I would hate not to work.

@0rangeCrush No cleaning the toilet isn't feminine work per se. However, if you have a husband that is working all week, the majority of (not all) of the housework will naturally fall to the SAHP. At the weekend both should contribute. Equal division of labour. Traditional gender roles have historically been that of a provider and a homemaker and many people enjoy this dynamic. When it comes to household jobs I believe there are jobs that are still on average gendered, for instance DIY is most often carried out by men.

@BreeBacon So equally do men "have the freedom to choose their life path"? I doubt many do. What if your husbands all decided they wanted to be SAHD's? Feminism is about unfair expectations on men, either.