To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

If that isn't what you meant then I apologise but it did sound like you were implying that the only way to raise children is to be a SAHP to me.

No* It comes before in having your own income and not solely relying on someone else financially*
But to be financially independent means you are living a life you can independently finance, if you are having a contribution you are not living financially Independently

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and it can come afterwards when you don't need to wait for the house to sell because you can rent a house with your own income. Of course, all situations are different but it's always beneficial to have your own income if possible

Yes, if that is your priority as a family and personally it is best for you to have your own income but that doesn't make you financially independent.

@BreeBacon A settlement, but a very low one. He was a master manipulator who strangely enough started his own business and was not drawing down a wage. Until the divorce came through, of course. The money I got was nowhere near enough to buy a property big enough for myself and my two sons.
So women that assume they will simply get half (or more) of everything upon divorce are frankly naive.
Having never given up work entirely I was able to earn enough to cover a private rent and still am doing to this very day (a decade on this year).

If that isn't what you meant then I apologise but it did sound like you were implying that the only way to raise children is to be a SAHP to me

It's fine, but absolutely not, that is not what I mean. I think that's where a lot of arguments start on here is people inferring what people mean and shooting a bit left field.

My toddler is 15 months and I work full time, but my income does make a difference to the household which is a big factor

@LorlieS just out of interest does he still see the kids. As one of my friends has found that the interest in the kids dwindled once they split, she was hoping the kids could at least benefit from the nice holidays and house etc - but it's not looking that way yet.

State dependence is at something like 54%. Most people aren't financially independent. Very many people cannot afford to rent privately, even with 2 incomes. Is the societal issue really how some women choose to expend their labour?

@LorlieS I think prenups can be of use here too. That way everything is absolutely defined in black and white, with no nasty surprises. It is still beneficial being married. My friend was with her partner for 12 years, had 2 kids and she got absolutely Zero as they weren't married. He ruined her life. If your ex is rich you must be getting a decent child support for 2 kids?

@Oliotya Of course I can only speak for myself but I managed to privately rent as a single parent only working pt and with no government support. I'm now married but our joint income is below 3k p/m and we still privately rent with no government support. So it can be done.

If shit hit the fan, I could move out ASAP in a rented property, pay all of the bills and feed myself with money I have earned. That's financial independence to me.

I'm the higher earner and actually don't need DH's income, though of course that isn't typical.

@BreeBacon Not a penny. Courts ruled 50/50 custody. He also gets Child Benefit for one son even though he has to pay it back as earns way over the threshold. Told you he was an evil narc!! He loves a bit of financial abuse.
I did ask HMRC if I could pay half of my private rent; didn't go down too well...

If shit hit the fan, I could move out ASAP in a rented property, pay all of the bills and feed myself with money I have earned. That's financial independence to me.

Ah no, to me being financially independent, is just that, living financially independently. Not having someone pay towards your living costs.

I'm the higher earner and actually don't need DH's income, though of course that isn't typical
I think it's quite common on here, if you believe half of it, that the woman are the higher earners.

@Thinkbiglittleone How is what @SouthLondonMum22 described not being financially independent?

@LorlieS as I said to me she is not living financially independently if she is not independently paying, I'm assuming her partner is also paying toward the house etc
I understand she can afford to, but she is living as part of a team.

@Thinkbiglittleone No I think she meant as she works she could pay rent on a rental property independently should her and her partner split.

@LorlieS Has he had more kids? In my friendship group I've found the exes can get like this when there is a new woman and kids on the scene.

Yes we were discussing financial independence and what that actually means in the real world and how a job doesn't always equate to financial Independence or living financially independently. And what is the cut off level you need to be able to afford to call it financial independence - house, car, bills, holidays, etc
And how, early on, most people work together to get to the point of financial independence, both working as a team.
I think we are missing each other though, so going to leave it there on that point, as I feel it going around a bit. And it's time to sleep.

You can have taken steps to safeguard yourself and still end up in a vulnerable position. Shit happens and no one has a crystal ball.

@BreeBacon No, and doesn't want any more. He is 50 now (although his wife is 30). I'm disrespectfully remarried (according to him).

@Willyoujustbequiet Totally agree with you. Being married to the wealthy twunt and having access to joint finances didn't help me one iota.

That would be equally true if I were working full time.

I can’t live my life based on the millions of bad things that could happen- all I can do is take reasonable precautions then get on with what makes me happy now. Otherwise what’s the point?

This is what I think. Anything could happen to any one of us at any time. I'm not going to work full time, making myself unhappy, because of the possibility my husband might one day leave me.

For the other possibilities, we have income protection, critical illness and life insurance in place.

@Fliopen Who said anything about working full-time?
But not working at all? Risky.

The world is risky. I could have a heart attack in 10 minutes or get hit by a bus tomorrow… so I might as well enjoy myself now. As my grandma always said, don’t trouble trouble ‘til trouble troubles you!