Are the majority of men assholes?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Firstly I'm not a man hater - I've been married twice and am still married. But increasingly I'm starting to think that the vast majority of men are arseholes or display some kind of arsehole behaviour. Example this morning, but there are lots more.

Swimming at the gym, all lanes empty except the one I'm swimming in. Bloke gets into my lane and does splashy front crawl, almost whacking me in the face with his big meaty arm every time he passes me. So I move lanes, because obvs he's more important than me and should have his favourite lane to himself. 🙄

After my swim I go for a quick jacuzzi - this is a 10 person jacuzzi with three men already in there taking up every available space with their arms stretched across the back of the jacuzzi as far as possible. So I approach thinking one of them will make space for me. Erm no - I have to force myself in and get dirty looks for daring to go into their 'man space.'

Contrast this with the very polite behaviour of MOST of the women who use my gym.

I'm happy to say my DH is in the small minority of men who aren't aresholes (although he's by no means perfect - who is?) But if anything happens to him I will happily remain single and sexless for the rest of my days rather than try to find another decent man. (Also worth saying my first husband was a narcissist and I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire!)

YANBU and I wouldn't set foot in a swimming bath or Jacuzzi with other men.

I do this!! Pretend I haven't seen the tosser, he can get out of my way. This is a gamble as I'm short, but you get to a certain age and the sheer bloody entitlement of men makes me rage. I always make room for women with toddlers/pushchairs on the pavement, and elderly people. Arseholes don't get any consideration.

Same! I’m tall and to be honest it winds them up even more. They sort of do this weird stretch as they walk past just so they look taller for a fraction of a second 🤯

My upbringing with an older brother was very much this. I had to help DM with the washing up after dinner or cooking, whilst he sat with our DF, watching TV. Pissed me off as a 10 year old and still pisses me off as a 53 year old!

But that's what my DM wanted to happen. She encouraged it sadly as that is how she had been brought up and unfortunately is a dreadful misogynist now, but it stopped with me so both my kids, older DS and younger DD both did equal chores when growing up; no sexist favouritism in my bloody house!

I think most people are arseholes.
Men just tend to be more obvious in their arseholery because of the way boys and men are socialised to take up space and be in positions of power.
Women are equally arseholes, they're just less overtly so.

the other thread on aibu 'absolutely outraged. Train drama' is another indicator how men class themselves above women.

Genuine round if applause from me on this one. Spot on

Always happened, especially in families with 3+ children. The girls were always given household chores, (when they were as young as 8,) and the boys did fuck-all, and had waaaay more allowances and a much easier life than the girls. Even when the parents became elderly and infirm, the daughters would be the carers. It was NEVER the sons!

Not always the case... I was the youngest with 2 older brothers growing up in 60s/70s, my DM made us share chores equally

God I hear you.

I’ve been called cunt by a white van man for having the temerity to cross a quiet road.

Just in this morning’s rush hour, I gave way in my car to someone driving down from the opposite direction who had been waiting to pass, only for the bloke behind me to overtake me and almost cause a head on collision with the car in front because he was too
important to wait.

Not all men. Not even the majority of men. But absolutely, a higher proportion of the male population are entitled and obnoxious. Or, another way to look at it, the proportion of obnoxious entitled people skews towards men.

As others have said - our society tells men that their needs/wants come first. which means that the good ones have had to do extra work to realise that this is not actually how the world works (or should work).

Patriarchy chicken on pavements is an excellent example. Heavily pregnant, with SPD, I kept getting bashed. DH couldn't believe it. And of course, said he'd never do it. And certainly, he's the type who does all the old fashioned "polite" things - opens car doors, lets women go first, gives up his seat on the tube etc etc etc. He came back to me 2 days later to say, sheepishly, that he'd realised he absolutely walks assuming that he can continue in a straight line, no matter what. Not because he's a wanker, but somehow, that message had just got into his head. And he said it ws quite interesting for him to realise that he would move out of the way of other, more obviously big men, but otherwise he had been oblivious to all these women etc who were scuttling out of his way.

Tbf I don't lol (think that there are that many arsehole women and if they are you can usually reason with them).

I'm sure I read something similar to this thread on the MGTOW Reddit.

Tbf I don't lol (think that there are that many arsehole women and if they are you can usually reason with them).

Really? Have you been on Mumsnet long?

Men are prioritized for medical shit. I have lost count of the amount of times I have been to the GP for something that has been 'referred' at the same time DH has, and he has been seen before me. MONTHS before. His meds are always ready first when ordered online, and when we have covid or flu jabs booked together, HE is called in first.

I have never noticed this but I think I'm going to experiment. Sadly, I believe it.

His name is always on everything first. HE is always classed as the most important one by society.

I actually think this is so important. Language perpetuates meaning I learnt in some university course. And it's so true. even just the silliness of Mr and Mrs... creates this idea that men are first.

My personal bugbear is how often news stories say, "a 56 year old man and his wife..." or "An english lawyer and his family in Spain...." The language immediately puts women as objects/owned by him. I know that's not the LITERAL meaning, but it's subtle and insidious.

Lol. 🤔considers view

I find that women always think that they have the best interests at heart even if they don't and can be quite stubborn.

Whereas men (not all men) are usually horrid from the get go. 😂

@feelingstifled the thing about women moving for men is definitely a thing, once I read about it I can't unsee it all around me lot.

Women are much more likely to say thank you for moving and also apologising when accidently brushing one another or colliding .. even when it's well beyond all reasonable doubt it's my fault 🤷‍♂️ Like walking backwards or some other questionable maneuver that I feel a bit daft about, where I should be saying sorry

Swimming man should have gone into an empty lane. But I am wondering if you are a slower/medium swimmer and were in the fast lane.

I got into a huge fight with a man outside a supermarket. I had a trolley, he didn’t. He asked me to move, so I moved to the left. But that wasn’t enough. He wanted me to move to the right. I refused, so he called me a fucking cunt and shoved my trolley into my stomach.

I then shoved the trolley into him and called him every swear word under the sun, including a father fucking cunt and told him just how ugly he was.

I also complained to the manager about him.

My biggest regret was not calling the policy, as it was all under CCTV.

Sometimes the polite, “always holds door open for women” types are the most insidious misogynists. I have a friend (and I do see him as a friend, despite this!) who I do a sport with and have had frequent arguments with him about how his patronising “I won’t go fully out on women in case I hurt them” attitude. I’ve had to point out that I’m taller than him, stronger and fitter than him (I have a physical job, he has a desk job), And have been doing the sport longer than him. He’s a nice guy otherwise, but that attitude can get in the fucking bin!

I think this depends on the sport. But I'd agree that if you've agreed to play together, he should be doing his all

The reality is that of course old fashioned polite men can often be misogynist because of course, much of that "chivalry" is based on the assumption that women are weaker etc. Having said that, sometimes it goes too far the other way - the misogyny stays but without the old fashioned politeness to at least mitigate it.

I love playing patriarchy chicken. Walking in a straight line on a pavement and NOT getting out of the way for a man. Some men will literally get within an inch of you before stepping out of the way, usually tutting or visibly annoyed.

Yes OP, hopefully you squeezed yourself into a giant human-sized condom before flopping yourself in there.

It feels like you have extrapolated your encounter with 4 people and applied it to around 3 billion.

Some people would say that is a bit of a reach.

If he were a 6 foot 5 chunk of muscle who had been training for a decade, and fighting a 5,2, 7 stone wet through lass who was new to the sport, I would completely support him. My point is that I have both the physical and skill advantage over him - his attitude is completely misplaced. My being a woman doesn’t change those facts and it is really condescending and ignorant of him to suggest it does.

Haven’t RTFT to see if this has been mentioned, but absolutely the worst cases of misogyny I come across come from the so-called male feminists.

To them, women are weak, down-trodden, and like children, to be patronised, ‘protected’ and thought of as perpetual victims. It’s nauseating.