Are the majority of men assholes?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Firstly I'm not a man hater - I've been married twice and am still married. But increasingly I'm starting to think that the vast majority of men are arseholes or display some kind of arsehole behaviour. Example this morning, but there are lots more.

Swimming at the gym, all lanes empty except the one I'm swimming in. Bloke gets into my lane and does splashy front crawl, almost whacking me in the face with his big meaty arm every time he passes me. So I move lanes, because obvs he's more important than me and should have his favourite lane to himself. 🙄

After my swim I go for a quick jacuzzi - this is a 10 person jacuzzi with three men already in there taking up every available space with their arms stretched across the back of the jacuzzi as far as possible. So I approach thinking one of them will make space for me. Erm no - I have to force myself in and get dirty looks for daring to go into their 'man space.'

Contrast this with the very polite behaviour of MOST of the women who use my gym.

I'm happy to say my DH is in the small minority of men who aren't aresholes (although he's by no means perfect - who is?) But if anything happens to him I will happily remain single and sexless for the rest of my days rather than try to find another decent man. (Also worth saying my first husband was a narcissist and I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire!)

Ok I don’t share your confidence in your ability to read the mind of a person who died nearly 160 years ago and know for sure why they did what they did, so again, we’ll have to agree to disagree. Claiming there’s no evidence Barry was trans is risible. Presenting as a man in private as well as public life until death is evidence. It’s the claim that Barry wasn’t trans that needs justifying. Yes it’s possible, but the evidence points the other way.

Florence Nightingale wasn’t primarily a nurse, that’s a common misconception due to the way the Victorian press tried to feminise her image, precisely because her actual activities were very unusual if not unprecedented for a woman of that time. Wikipedia isn’t a brilliant source but you’ll see they describe her as a social reformer, statistician and a manager and trainer of nurses, not primarily a nurse herself. That’s backed up by Mark Bostridge’s biography which is the best current source on her life. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/FlorenceNightingale. But she didn’t call herself Frank and present herself as male to the world to do those things. James Barry died in 1865 so contrary to claims above it’s not a completely different social period to Florence Nightingale, who was born in 1820. If you’d like an earlier example, Jane Austen was very unusual in being a female professional author but although she published anonymously the one thing she did publicise was her sex, her novels were published as ‘by a lady’. So saying that Barry had no choice but to present as male in order to do things women hadn’t done before is not supported by the evidence. And it’s true to say Jane Austen in the late 18th/early 19th century wanted to make sure the world knew her work was done by a woman. You’re showing your ignorance of the historical context to claim otherwise.

Here’s info about the first women to qualify for medical degrees in the UK and US. Both of their lifetimes overlapped with that of Dr James Barry. No openly declared woman had qualified as a doctor at the time they set out to do so. They had to fight to do it. But they persevered and fought as women and they didn’t present themselves as male. Because they weren’t trans. It’s not true to say Barry had no other option and all of Barry’s choices can be explained by the fact that there were no female doctors yet.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Garrett_Anderson

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Blackwell

Re Florence Nightingale and James Barry. Both were women who ended up doing things in medicine that fell outside the expected remit for women at the time
Florence Nightingales route was nurse (female profession) but she effectively expanded that role to include being a statistician etc. This within the context of war a time when women's expected roles tend to expand. But what she did was unconventional/ground breaking for men AND women.
James Barry's route was in a way more straightforward- everything she did as a doctor fell within the role of doctor. But she had to identify as a man to do so.

They are different answers to a similar problem. But I don't think the route James Barry chose means she was necessarily trans.

I also don't think its fair to say because Elizabeth Garett Anderson's life overlapped with James Barry they had similar options. Barry died the same year Anderson finally got a license to practice medicine. Its like saying an old woman who died this year had the same options/life experiences as a young person who just graduated this year. 1813 was not 1865.

I'm not saying Barry didn't have issues with their identity as female/male. There is literally no way of knowing. But I don't think you can say they likely did either. There is no "evidence" either way.

These arguments about "facts" and "truth" are interesting.

Archeology to this day routinely builds a story around a limited amount of evidence. They often have to, because the solid evidence alone leaves so much unanswered that they have to, essentially, make bits up to knit together the evidence into a story. Our entire culture is rooted in storytelling, advertiser's and politicians both essentially sell stories or dreams about a lifestyle or how society should be.

Periods closer to our own have more evidence to hand, but still gaps remain and academics do much the same to fill in gaps or try to explain what's going on with individuals and societies. Even that is, to some extent quite a modern phenomena. The Greek historian Herodotus, covering the Peloponnesian war was unique in the Greco Roman world for his reliance on evidence. It was much more of a blurred line between story and history, untill that point.

Everyone is to some extent affected by the culture they grow up in, we can't help it
In this context, trying to reinterpret history wrt gender & identity is nothing new. It's just another debate about evidence and what people think it might suggest. It would be dangerous to shut it down, and disallow questioning of the evidence .. because where does that stop? What else might you not be allowed to disagree with? None of us have to agree with anyone else's interpretation of the evidence

This is a massive detour of the OPs post anyways 🤣🤣 I think people have taken the original post far too seriously and literally. She's pissed off by men, and it's how she feels. I'm a bloke, and I couldn't care less 🤷‍♂️ whatever the percentage of men who are horrible, it's true that bad experiences are common & it's fine to feel that way & want to talk about it

The illegal dirt bikers riding on the nature reserves (no helmets), footpaths and roads where I live - all men. Mostly in their 40's and 50's too! These eejets don't even try to avoid people.

I hear you @goneaway2 I have a lovely foot & cycling path from my house to the city centre in Norwich and periodically come across those creatures. The noise & pollution isn't good for the wildlife living there

I'm starting to make a point of hogging the middle of the path to block them, and slowing down to frustrate their progress as much as possible 🤷‍♂️ I'm not afraid of being Mr difficult. If they got difficult, I'd just get my phone out and start recording them.

Now you mention it I'm gonna complain to my councillor. It's an argument for seriously considering a cycle camera to try and capture the number plates so I can report them

Lol how tragic. She hurt your little feelers. Come back when you've been groped, followed, slammed into, etc. etc.

You have no clue.

"Some feckless woman had a go at me for holding the door open for her ‘because it isn’t 1950 anymore and I can do it myself‘"

And today in things that never happened.....

Can I ask- do your children witness this behaviour?

Sorry-wrong thread.

Are you splashy front crawl swimmer guy? 😂

Yep this. ^ Exactly what I thought.

I was trying to be supportive @chocolatesaltyballs22 I guess something lost in translation 🤣

Definitely not a splashy swimmer type bloke, I'll leave it at that because self praise is no praise right?

@spookehtooth was only joking 😀