To go straight to the teacher? How do I play this?

[gretaar]

Please bare with me, this is messy.

DS is 5 and had a best friend whom he is thick as thieves with. They spend the majority of the school day together, everyone knows they come as a pair.

Best friend's mum was my friend, we weren't extremely close but we have known each other since high school and became closer after the boys started reception. Met up with the kids outside of school, gave them lifts as she doesn't drive etc.

She then started meeting up with ExDP who is DS' father behind my back (with the kids). I asked them both what was going on and they said they were just friends, I was basically made out to be crazy. Turns out they slept together and are now seeing each other.

This all happened within the space of 6ish weeks and there was a big-ish fallout. We ignore each other at the school run now.

Now, every weekend they meet up with the boys.

Best friend can be very unkind. He has hit me before, said I am snake piss (?).

He threw a piece of wood at me today at the school run. When DS said he was going home, best friend said if he left then he would hate him and not be his best friend anymore.

DS was extremely upset. It has come out that best friend has been hitting DS at school, but DS doesn't mind because he's "my best friend and he loves me".

It has also come out that best friend has been unkind to DS quite a few times at school and says things like he hates him, and threatens to not be his best friend if things don't go his way.

DS says he is "sick of it now" and he's worried that they'll go to the same high school and work in the same place and he will be mean to him the whole time. He also said he feels like, is best friend fell over then he would see if he was ok, but that best friend wouldn't do the same for DS.

One minute DS says he still wants to be best friends, then the next he says he doesn't.

He says he isn't mean when they meet up outside of school.

What do I do? How do I play this? I know I'll just get made out to be bitter and stirring the pot.

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time OP. You've explained what's going on and it doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong so I don't know why people are picking apart what you've said.

In my opinion this situation will not end well and if complaints of bullying are made the other mother could fly off the handle and your ex will have to take sides. If he doesn't take your son's side that will be a horrid message to send to his son.

Personally I would look to change schools. Give your son a proper break from this other boy at a school where nobody knows your business. I've worked at schools where so and so's dad had got together with so and so's mum and usually all the staff and parents find out. Quietly move schools and get away from all the drama as much as possible.

The best friend might. I know with 100% certainty my DS is non the wiser.

Hmm, I suspect he knows a lot more than you think.

I’m not buying this. Sorry. No issues at all and now suddenly you don’t like their friendship.

And as if a 5 year old is worrying about high school.

ignore it.

*so on the weekends they spend togetrhr

your ex and ex friend don’t kiss? share a bed? hold hands? 🤔*

No they don't. They don't have sleepovers with the kids.

Yes? That's totally irrelevant to this conversation and I haven't said otherwise?

Why are you picking apart everything I'm saying?

That's exactly what happens, and I know that because I have a very open and honest relationship with my son.

Utterly bizarre.

Every time one of your odd points gets shot down, you move in to pick on something else? Why?

Do you genuinely believe they never kiss, hold hands or show affection towards each other at all at the weekend? I think that's incredibly unlikely.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? Good grief.

*Best friend can be very unkind. He has hit me before, said I am snake piss (?).

He threw a piece of wood at me today at the school run.*

A FIVE year old child is using insults like "snake piss" and throwing wood at adult women. Lovely. He's having a lovely upbringing then isn't he 🙄

I'd approach the teacher regards what's happening in school.

Then mention you are aware from ds that he's meeting the friend with his dad every weekend and wonder if it's a power play or just too much time together iterating you realise you cannot control what his dad chooses to do.

It's helpful for have the full picture but ultimately it's up to them to deal with your ds being manipulated by his friend in the school day.

*because if your weren’t with this man

he can get together with whomever he wants to and wants to be with him

they have done nothing wrong

so why the big fall out? it must be due to you not being happy about two single people getting together*

Gosh, you are odd. But I'll humour you.

Because she was my good friend.

Because I'd confided in her about our relationship.

Because they both lied to me and went behind my back.

Because I was made out to be crazy/weird.

Because they were meeting up with my son without telling me.

Because they took the children on their "dates".

Because my child now has to spend time with this child, 7 days per week. It's a lot for small children.

It’s horribly disloyal of your friend to date your ex I always thought that was a no no. Also not normal for a five year old to throw a piece of wood at an adult! Definitely the teaching staff and TS need to know that your son is being hurt by this so called friend, keep a close eye and have a listening session with each child to find out if they have any worries or want to offload anything. Five year olds can get very worried about things and get the wrong end of the stick easily. They may have fears around their home lives for example with all the changes going on.
It’s a tough situation for you OP. Can you change so that you have DC every other weekend so you can make sure DC has a space free from other child? Or change schools as someone said. Also soon other staff and children will fund out and there will be playground gossip to cope with too. Sending 🌺

Yes.

He went up to a group of mum's and said "bitch".

He has hit me before too.

I have seen his mum ask him not to do something, then he started to hit and kick her.

but the key is… this couple have done nothing wrong at all. So odd they aren’t holding hands or whatever
and any big fall out will be due to the Op’s reaction to them getting together

"The key" keeps changing in every post you make. You've picked at so many different things!

This post isn't about their relationship, it's about her son bullying my child. I have accepted their relationship, as is clear on this thread.

I don't think it's odd to not show affection in front of children after only dating for a few weeks?

Have you read the post? I've known her for 13 years. We went to school together.

I've answered all of your odd questions, so please answer me this:

Why are you picking at everything I have said? What have I done wrong? What is your issue?