What's your timeline for throwing away wedding invitations?

[sockmuncher]

A relative dropped off her wedding invitation on Saturday morning.

I complimented the beautiful invitation. Then I copied the important details into my calendar and set the invitation on the side with the recycling.

We chatted on for a few hours & had a lovely catch up.

She has text me today to say she's been wondering whether to say anything or not but shes hurt the invitation was 'dumped' so quickly. It's got my back up, I appreciated the invitation and how beautiful it was but how long should I keep it for so it's been appreciated enough?

I'm not going to send anything back other than to apologise for hurting her feelings, but i have done this with every wedding / party invitation. Am I in the minority?

That's absolutely ridiculous to have an invitation to a wedding, and throw it away in front of the person who invited you. How rude - and what terrible etiquette... As a pp said, tactless and disrespectful! Why would do this? As pps have said, it does sound a bit like you wanted to hurt her.

YABVU @sockmuncher But you know that.

What is there to be fair about? I’m not sneering at anyone who wasn’t familiar with the practice. I’m just explaining to the people who have mocked or derided the idea that there are situations where it’s perfectly normal and necessary to take the physical invitation with you, even if it’s not their direct experience.

Well I’d have waited until she left at least

Except the Palace Garden Party is likely to check. No one checks for a normal family wedding and refuses to let in Granny cos she forgot it

Much the same as nobody cares about anyone's wedding as much as the bride / groom does.

This, I think, sums up your ill -mannered attitude exactly @sockmuncher . Your relative gave you an invitation to a very special day for her and you put it in the recycling in front of her. You can dress it up as much as you like by saying that you'd copied out all the relevant information and didn't need to keep the card but you were rude and deep down you must know it. * *

Whilst I probably wouldn't have acted in the way your relative did, I'd certainly be privately wondering why the hell I'd invited you in the first place and wouldn't be bothering to do so in future.* *

I'm glad it's sorted op. I think you did the right thing to deal with it squarely.
Also, as point of fact, your future children's awful drawings have to be displayed for at least a year even when you have no idea what it is 😉😁

Just feels right though. It’s not an info card you read then bin.

Just feels right though. It’s not an info card you read then bin.

No, it’s one I read, take a photo of and then bin. 😅

Well, I've never been to a wedding in a stately home. I have been to some in smart hotels or similar locations where there are other things going on at the same time. In my experience there is a always signage saying "Bob and Sue's wedding in the Rose ballroom" with an arrow pointing the way.
I assume that if the invitation was required to access the event, it would be made clear on the invitation or the information that came with it.

The bit I don't follow is that OP says she copied the details into her calendar. But why not just keep the wedding invitation which, you know, has the important details already written on it?

I agree they were probably expensive

OK 🤷🏻‍♀️ You’re not really missing out on much. They are precious about their tapestries and artwork and often don’t let you drink red wine.

I’m not sure why this particular detail is drawing such opprobrium. Is it really such a newsflash that different groups of people might have different unwritten norms?

EVERYONE I know (and I know roughly a shitload of them) with new babies sends thank you cards with photos of the baby on it.

LOL at people being horrified at a PHOTO of the baby being sent to someone on a card. Who knows where it could end up? 🤔😂

You know the baby will be wearing the face in question and anyone could LOOK at it at any time! faints

I kept family cards for years then had a cull

But I've still got the cards that were sent on the birth of my children and my wedding cards. Also one or two big birthdays

I've lost a number of people and it's nice looking back and seeing their names.

They're all just in a nice box

I tend to think thank you cards are a slightly ridiculous bit of wifework designed to show that we are ladies of leisure with no other demands on our time. Text or in person thank you is fine IMO. Particularly with a newborn - you have your hands full enough as it is.

Your replies are all so cold and literal. Are you just not very ”feeling” in general?

Clue is in the name ‘invitation’

For many people a lot of time and thought goes into picking invites. You didn't even keep it for 24 hours and put it near your recycling in front of her. That is off and I would have been annoyed too. I keep them till after the wedding and then they go in the recycling.

I’ve got invitations to weddings of friends that have already split up.
Must have a sort out. 😁

It's Mumsnet, not a therapy session.

Ah okay, maybe don’t post trying to understand her feelings then.

This!

Very rude

I find it baffling so many people keep them for so long! It's essentially a way of passing on information, I got the important details and that was that

Well rather than waste my time copying the details down, I just keep the invitation for the "important details". The last couple we've had recently have been in locations we don't know and have had details of the venue and details about how to find it. (Including saying not to rely on sat nav for one venue)

Years and years ago I was in a circle of university friends with the daughter of a diplomat and was invited to her wedding. There were various dignitaries in attendance and the security was INSANE. There was secret service from multiple countries all talking into their cuffs or lapels like in the movies and no-one got in without their printed invitation and photo ID. I am fairly sure they ran background checks on us as one friend had their invitation rescinded for undisclosed reasons.

Before anyone shouts at me, I obviously know this is not the norm and I have been to my fair share of weddings in church halls and marquees. I just never pass up an opportunity to tell this anecdote!