Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

100%

she's not 'indulging' herself.

You do not need to spend that amount of time whilst your friend is visiting, that's downright rude. One day is not going to make any difference

Christ - YABVU. You’ve fucked off for 4 hours and it’s not like he’s rented a hotel room for the 2 of them?! Do you even like your friend?!

But it's not a date. Don't you trust either of them? My husband had female friends it never bothered me if he went out to lunch or met them for a drink.

Now that you've said you go to the gym/swimming for back issues and your friend would usually either come with you, or be happy to pootle around town by herself, I'd be asking myself why your boyfriend felt the need to take time off from work (she's visiting you, not him) and why he doesn't just let her crack on with either going to the gym with you, or just doing her own thing.
The fact they stayed up drinking after you went to bed previously (why didn't he go up with you?), I'd be thinking he fancies her.
What does your friend say?

Wouldn't bother me. I'd think it was quite nice of him, would make me happy to be with a nice person.

she won't be 'fucking off'.

Read her posts and calm down.

Why did he take time off because your friend was visiting? Very odd, especially in a short relationship and you don’t live together

So they made friends with each other that night, which means he's enthusiastic about seeing her again. Which doesn't necessarily have a sexual component to it (obviously half of MN will insist that the only reason men even notice women is if they fancy them).

About 10 years ago I made friends with DP's best university friend via a night of drinking after DP and the friend's partner had both gone to bed. Obviously nothing untoward happened and now I consider him a friend of mine too, not just someone I know through DP. Making friends with your partner's friends makes life much easier generally I find.

Have you asked your friend what she'd prefer to do? I'd personally rather go for a walk and a pub lunch and get to know a friend's partner than hang around in a strange gym for 4 hours. She might be different.

Staying up drinking with someone doesn't mean you fancy them? What a strange thing to say.

I stay up drinking with people if I'm not tired and enjoying the chat. 99% of the time, no sexual component.

If the OP's friend enjoyed the bf's company last time she visited she may well be looking forward to seeing both of them. Most of my mates have chosen decent partners with good chat so obviously I look forward to seeing both of them.

Agree that male/female friendships are the norm.
Your situation @MayNov would be different if you were in a long term relationship with him (married, living together) and he'd become friends with your friends (and vice versa) as happens, organically. At this very early/dating stage though there's no reason for him to be involved in her visit on any level, never mind taking time off work (unless you've expressly asked him to do that, for some bizarre reason).
I'm not suggesting he fancies her btw (I mean he might), moreso I'm thinking he sounds interfering and overbearing. In your friends position I wouldn't want to go a 'long walk' with some random guy I'd met once (just because he was dating my friend).

Do they have any way of chatting to each other - messaging or social media?

So they made friends with each other that night, which means he's enthusiastic about seeing her again

So he can join them for dinner one night. What he is doing is weird.

OP what is your friend’s reaction to him taking annual leave to be with the two of you and his offer to keep her company for four hours?

I actually think it's really odd that your boyfriend (of only 6 months) would take several days off work because your friend is visiting.

I find this really weird too and can't decide whether it's a controlling thing or if he fancies the friend.....maybe both!

I cannot imagine DH saying "oh your friend that I met once is coming to see you so I'll take time off work so I can hang out with you both." 🚩

To be blunt. Suck it up and reschedule your marathon SMSG (SaunaMassageSwimGym) for a time not in the two days your friend is due to visit. It's just rude of you. If you insist on being rude, don't be a prickly prat of a pear and tell your friend they must sit alone while you are gone. Instead thank your BF for offering to entertain your guest !

My husband took my best friend with him when he chose my engagement ring...followed by food and a few drinks, definitely not a date. Food and a drink doesn't automatically equate to taking someone on a date, he's actually doing you a favour as you seem to think it's normal to swan off for 4 hours whilst you have a friend visiting 🙄. Getting the impression you don't trust your partner and its you being jealous rather than him being inappropriate x

I don't think my friends would do that to me, but I am never 100% about men as I've seen the "best" of them cheat for seemingly no reason.

It doesn't really matter what everyone else feels or thinks though OP. If you don't like it and have stated that to him, he would be unreasonable to break your trust in this way. I don't think you are asking to much or suggesting anything, but you have drawn a boundary that works for you. He also might choose to ignore it, which I would not be happy with. It is a line you don't want him to cross and have been clear.

Weird thread, has he actually called it a date or have you put 2 and 2 together and made 5…

You said you were going off for 4 hours to “gym and swim” no mention of taking your friend - he has offered to occupy her. Sounds like a nice guy. As opposed to you who can’t change your routine for 3 days.

And then you get funny about your boyfriend’s nice gesture.

My gym has a sauna, I have guest pass etc and was planning to ask my friend to join me

Does your bfriend know this & has still suggested to take her out?

I think I would find that odd.

Exactly! My husband would likely be doing overtime to avoid us 😂

to be blunt you sound like a complete arsehole.

You sound like an odd bod, why are you going to “gyming and swimming” for 4 hours while your friend comes to stay? 🥴

I think it's odd he's booked time off to see her? She's here to see you, right? Not the pair of you?

I get on with my friends DP but that doesn't mean I want him around the whole time I see her. It changes the dynamic imo. And you're her childhood friend, not him.

So on that basis I think YANBU to feel uncomfortable about his suggestion.

why don't you read her posts?

just a crazy idea.