Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

I’m suddenly feeling better about myself as it seems I have dozens of Dates every month.

OP’s posts have made it clear what the situation is. He doesn’t live with her. They’ve been together 6 months. He’s met the friend ONCE. Friend told OP not to tell him of her next visit. She’s not leaving her home with him - he shouldn’t be at her home he should be At work!

😂😂😂😂😂

It’s not OP’s DH it’s her 6month-long BF who doesn’t live with her who has met the friend once including a late night drinking sesh when OP had gone to bed. Why would he use up annual leave in this situation and dismiss OP when she said she felt uncomfortable?

100% agree with this.

Just bec he has taken time off doesn't mean he has to spend it with you and your friend. Espeically given that your friend doesn't seem thrilled about it. If I travelled to see a friend and she had her bf there the whole time, I wouldn't be happy at all.

So he doesn't actually want to take her on 'a date' but is offering to entertain her while you go off and do your thing?

I think ppl are missing the wider context

Haven’t read all the replies but I would be offended if I went to visit a friend and they spent 4 hours in the gym/swimming without me. I would either ask my friend if they wanted to come along for a quick swim/gym session (if they are interested in that kind of thing) or not go if that wasn’t their thing. She is your guest.

Well done to your boyfriend for being considerate and thinking of some entertainment for her.

Simple answer. The fact he asked is very kind of him, if it makes you uncomfortable then being in a relationship with no trust is not a relationship at all. If he was going to cheat on you, he will do it anyway, if your friend would betray you then she's not a friend at all. Use this time to learn and trust them, they will respect you for it. And if it's dodgy you will be able to know. If it was me, I'd say that's so nice of you, let me ask her if she wants to go with me, or if she would prefer to have a relaxing day, walking, spot of lunch. Then go with whatever she wants to do. Feeling uncomfortable is your own issue and if you don't trust them, then don't be in a relationship with either of them, is my advice. I'd only be in a relationship with someone I really trust and I don't have many friends for the same reasons. So this way if this ever happens to me, it would be a huge help, knowing both are happy and I'm happy to do what I want to do x

OK if we’re going to focus on the whole DATE aspect - Judging by what OP has said about his behaviour etc, (length of relationship and living arrangements not withstanding) - wanting to spend extra time with her friend by taking annual leave, only meeting her once and staying up drinking while OP had gone to bed, dismissing OP’s feelings etc. I can quite see why she would think he would view this as a date as he is showing himself to be more interested in her friend than anyone else in that situation would probably be. Read OP’s posts.

She's your friend. Why has your boyfriend taken time off? Surely she just wants time with you?

You are reading wayyyy too much into this. OP took some time of work, so boyfriend did too, to hang out with his girlfriend. Normal. Friend is coming to visit , and boyfriend suggested he could entertain friend while OP went to gym. Considerate (and in no way suggestive of “a date”). Friend said actually she’d rather join OP at the gym, and generally she is disappointed that she won’t get more one-on-one time with friend (OP) without boyf present. Understandable and also v NORMAL. Previous drinking session., irrelevant.

Well I think that this is the crux isn't it?

"oh, friend is coming to visit me for a few days"

Boyfriend books time off!

I get most of what you say, but I’m assuming he doesn’t get an abundance of annual leave. Would be lovely to think he wants to spend it with OP as she is using hers, but why wouldn’t he choose to use it when it is just the 2 of them and not encroach on her time with her close friend? It’s thoughtless if nothing else. If he really likes the company of her friend and wants to see her he could see them after work surely.

People are so annoying. Threads are unreadable when people chime in with their uninformed opinion without reading the op's updates - and now op doesn't get any useful advice either, so of course, isn't coming back.

Part of me wonders earlier posters are coming back to stir the pot? 😐

Thank your boyfriend for offering to keep your friend happy while you are exercising.
If your girlfriend doen't like to swim and gym, taking a long walk and having lunch with your boyfriend will be nice..

😂

Why are you calling it a date though? It isn't is it.

I think ppl are missing the wider context

Well people can't even be fucking bothered to read OP's updates before they post "why are you going to the gym while your friend is there?" and "he's just entertaining her while you're at the gym." They are hardly going to take the huge intellectual leap to read context too.

hmmm, interesting. My husband's friend from uni (originally from Mexico) came to visit us (really him) for a few days. Unfortunately, last min my husband couldn't get off work as many days of he wanted (very long drama) but in the end, I ended spending about a day and half with my husband's friend, entertaining him and showing him around the city just because my husband couldn't. I didn't mind at all. I think the friend probably preferred my husband's company lol, but it was nice to get to know him more, and now he and i make a bit more convo when we happen to see each other or they catch up over zoom. it's no biggie really. If it bothers you, maybe cancel the gym and swim to another day (after she leaves) if poss, or invite her along? Hope you have a nice time whatever you choose!

Jesus!

Does no-one read past the first post anymore?

Good point.

This site is getting to be unreadable with all this nonsense.

The dynamic will definitely be different especially as she doesn't really know him. Does she even like him?

Can you ask him to give you two ONE evening on your own?

OP I have now read almost all of the thread so hope I'm not repeating.

Now that I have read your follow up posts I do think it's a bit odd that he's taken the day off but when I first read your OP I thought you were BU.

I think the drip feed means you're going to get a lot of answers from people who haven't RTFT.

My main takeaway from reading all your posts it that your friend expressing disappointment about him being there and saying (even jokingly) that you shouldn't tell him she will be there next time is quite interesting.

They stayed up late together when you went to bed once and it makes me wonder if she got weird / flirty vibes then.

Honestly my reaction to hearing my friends boyfriend had taken time off would, depending on the situation either be "that's so kind but no need" or "that's a bit full on but I'll politely explain I'd rather go to the gym".

For my immediate reaction to be like hers, I would have already had to have bad vibes from him prior. Either that he's a bit creepy / overly friendly or maybe that I already think he's a bit controlling towards you and this is an example of it (not wanting you to see her alone etc).