Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

Your title is somewhat misleading. It's not a date. He was just suggesting something to keep her entertained, whilst you were exercising. I've done this with, and for, friends of partners in the past - usually if they had to work, for example.
I think you do just need to think about whether you trust your friend/boyfriend, as surely it wouldn't matter what activity they planned. if you have trust in them.

This! Surely it’s better she’s amused than parked in front of the TV for 4 hours whilst you amuse yourself?

I think it’s quite considerate of your partner!

no, originally op was busy swimming & bf offered to take the friend out whilst she was swimming. That was his suggestion that wasn’t a date.

the op then spoke to her friend & they agreed they would both go swimming.

what exactly do you think the op was asking if it didn’t relate to the bf offering to take her friend out whilst she was at swimming?

Sounds a good outcome but I agree with your friend that it's odd your boyfriend who doesn't live with you has taken days off work to tag along with you and your friend. Does he normally have FOMO?
Would you take time off work if he had a male friend visiting?

FFS read what the OP says and give your heads a wobble.

Like I said if OP is taking time off herself, and that’s why her bf took time off, it’s a non-issue.

What I do know is that the % of MNers who self-identify as socially anxious, introverted, struggle with friendships or have a history of toxic/abusive relationships - put together is significant - so advice has to be read in that context.

It can go the other way - there’s a lot of naivety about abuse and posters can fail to spot key red flags.

This guy may be controlling, but there’s not enough evidence to call it imo.

First off why would you spend that long at the gym when your friend is coming to spend time with you?

Second, you clearly don't trust your boyfriend - do the right thing and end it, it's not fair on him.

Third, read the whole thread or at least the OP's posts

Fourth - I have thanks.

This

why do you spend 4 hours at the gym? Can’t you cut it short?

He isn’t taking her on a date! My DH had a friend visit, he had to work one day. I took the friend on a boat tour and lunch out afterwards. It was not a date.

To me it reads as though the visiting friend would rather not spend time with the bf and has chosen to be at gym with op to avoid being stuck with him alone.

I think it’s a bit odd he’s chosen to take annual leave to spend every minute of your friends visit with you both. I can see why your friend is disappointed. Is he really going to spend all his time with you both so you don’t get any time together (bar a swim)?

Ah read more now.

i have to say these drip feed posts are really tedious. Give all the info in opening posts instead of only when the replies don’t go your way.

So you had a different scenario and it was fine for you? Ok then?

Well it sounds like it is a non issue now as your friend wants to come to the gym with you anyway. I am confused by you saying you won't get any evenings alone with your friend though. Surely you can say to your boyfriend you want to spend some time just catching up with your friend, and he will understand and respect that? If not then you have a serious problem.

Exactly this!

Edited to account for the updates… just tell your BF you’ll be going out with friend on your own one evening.

Posters are just on the wind up now aren't they?

I think the key difference is OP’s BF has taken annual leave to free himself and I’m assuming you weren’t working which is why you could entertain your DH’s friend while he worked. Also it was your DH’s friend not your 6month BF’s friend.

Ppl are puzzled/concerned as to why, when OP said she was uncomfortable with the situation, her BF shut her down. She also doesn’t seem keen on telling him to cancel his time off now (despite her friend also expressing being uncomfortable by saying don’t tell him again) as she has said she will handle it better next time, which suggests she might be worried about his reaction.

Edit: 6 month BF who doesn’t live with you

why dont you take her gym aswell. if i had a guest and it was only 3 days id give gym one day or at the gym pay for her session. cant be much -treat her.
and yes i would be upset if my hubby offered to go out with another lady.

sounds like you dont trust them together and i dont blame you

This. And a date? Really? He’s taking her out

If it was other way round how would you feel about him going out leaving his friend at home with you, maybe he trusts you more than you trust him or your friend

My DH gets on with the majority of my friends. It doesn't bother me in the slightest when they come visit and he's taken them out on a few occasions I've been working etc. I trust both him and my friends 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wouldn't like it, merely because I'd want to be with my best friend. Can the gym and swim wait for one weekend? I'd rather be in the pub with them 🤣.

It doesn’t sound like a date to me. Do you have to spend so long at the gym? Maybe you could do an hour or so whilst she gets ready at yours m. Or maybe you can bring her with you if she likes swimming.

Entertaining guests always causes a change in schedule, he probably thinks she will be bored. Maybe meet them afterwards. If you are that concerned maybe it might help you to cut short your 4 hour session.

Then again if your friend is doing a long stay then she can probably entertain herself for the 4 hours you are out.