Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

In case you don't know, if you click on 'see all' in blue near any of OP's posts, you will see all of her posts in the thread

Please read them before commenting, as the comments are often irrelevant in the context of the entire story if you haven't read them.

Have you tried saying 'no' to this man? About anything?

Because that's when you'll find out what he's really like. Tell him 'no' to his plans for your friend's visit: if he reacts badly, you'll know you've got another wrong 'un.

Why bother inviting friend for a few days then swan off to the gym cmon you really can miss it...I can see exactly why bf is offering to take her for lunch no different to once an emergency came up when my friend stayed one year so hubby being off work took her into town for a while...that was a few years ago and yes still my best friend and still stays. Don't look for things that aren't there

It’s not a date ! I don’t think you should be leaving your friend for 4 hours - you could go to the gym or swim for an hour or so but anything more is a bit rude
You clearly don’t trust your DP who is being a better host than you !

Apologies Op, I didn’t read the whole thread . He’s over stepping . Tell him that’s not what either of you want . X

As your friend is coming with you now to the swim/gym, I'd tag a nice long lunch on the end of that so that you can spend some quality time alone with your friend. Boyfriend NOT invited!

Your friend has been clear here op, you should ask him to leave you and your friend to it for a few days to spend time together. He has overstepped by taking leave to hang out with you two when he wasn't invited to do so. Especially after only 6 moths together.

No and it's exactly what I'm thinking! Seems like friend is trying to say politely, 'Aaagh, don't tell me that creep is going to be hanging around!'

No idea why there’s confusion, It’s right there in the OP:

my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Seems like friend is trying to say politely, 'Aaagh, don't tell me that creep is going to be hanging around!'

Well it's not necessarily that, just that she she wants to spend time with Op & wouldn't expect her bfriend to have taken time off.

Why are people still failing to understand why the OP is going to the gym?

I don't think there's anything between the friend and the boyfriend but I think the boyfriend is controlling.

Why can't you tell him outright that taking time off is nice of him, but you want some time just the two of you so he should perhaps only take 1 or 2 days off and/or assume you'll be out for dinner/drinks at leats one of the nights she's here without him?

I meant she hadn’t let him know her feelings in light of this threat after she’d received confirmation that she was justified in feeling really uncomfortable

I’m not sure she has. The thread is divided.

If her bf took time off as she was taking time off too, the whole issue overblown.

I think it comes down to the fact ppl are concerned she is in a controlling relationship given that her BF has taken time off (presumably without checking with her) and will be hanging round her and her friend, faithfulness not being the primary issue. Ppl wonder why he wants to spend this time with them and how he would react if she tells him to cancel this time off bc her friend has told her she wants to see her. OP has said she’d come out of a bad relationship before him and it’s only been 6 months so she is vulnerable. I feel sorry for her friend bc as someone else has pointed out this is her annual leave too and she did not choose to spend it with this man. It sounds from her reaction that she is surprised and disappointed he has taken the time off too.

I think it's weird. There's also no reason he should take time off work.. you should have your girlie time together. Why does he need to interfere? If my friends were in town there's no way DH would even think of taking time off work. That can be done to see his own mates.

I think it is very odd that he is taking time off work to see your childhood friend when she is here visiting you.

I know you’ve decided your friend will go swimming with you, but it wasn’t a date your bf was suggesting. It was him keeping your friend occupied when you had plans & two people you care about getting to know each other better. You need to trust your friend & your bf or it’ll lead to more issues in the future.

But he wasn't invited to the visit. Her friend wants to go to the pool with her. Nobody invited him to anything.

Agree with you

To be fair, none of us know for sure either way! Only the friend knows if she thinks he's a bit much, and only the boyfriend knows if he fancies her.

4 hours is a long time for you to be preoccupied at the gym if that's really where your going??

I think is quite weird... And I wouldn't feel comfortable either :) but maybe he is just being nice? But yeah I can see your point of view 😉

Keep your friend, she’s a good’un, ditch the creepy boyfriend.

RTFT mate.