Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

This

How much time do you and your bf spend together OP? Is he used to you spending all your spare time with him? Hate to cast doubts but could it be that your BF may actually be jealous of your friend and your relationship? Or feel he needs to monitor your movements? Maybe he’s the insecure one. Presumably he lets you go to the gym alone?

In that case - make a day of it. Plan to do something straight after - lunch, shopping, art gallery, whatever - so you get get some more time on your own.

And good on you for taking the time you need for proper self care when your friend is visiting!

Op has only posted two replies on the thread. Might I suggest you read them?

Why would you swim and gym when your friend is coming over. Surely you can give it a miss then you can all do something together! 🤷‍♀️

I repeat: Op has only posted two replies on the thread. Might I suggest you read them?

This!

If I was visiting a friend as a singleton, I would be well peed off at her BF hanging around all the time.🙄

This.
OP, you know your friend best.
Does she need 'entertaining' every minute of the day?
Will she mind if you gym and swim?
Just ask her what she would prefer to do.

Its not a date but i still think boyfriend is being a bit much.
Wonder if these responses reflect an introvert/extrovert divide!

Ah, the thread had moved on and I feel aligned with it now!

You don’t think there’s a chance he made pass at her when they stayed up drinking and you went to bed early? Wondering if she’s avoiding him and that’s why she’s disappointed he’s taken the time off work.

So in conclusion, having read your further posts, he is being really weird.

I really can’t understand why he’s taking time off work for this - it’s nothing to do with him.

And your friend clearly doesn’t want to spend time with him - either alone, or with you!

He sounds very over-bearing.

I’m baffled by the title of your thread. Are you old fashioned / regressive enough to think that every time a male and a female hang out it’s a date? 🥴

Six months in and he’s taking days off work to spend time with you and an old friend he barely knows. Beyond strange, and potentially controlling. Did you do the Freedom Programme after your last relationship? If not please have a look, it’s so helpful going forward.

In the short term why can’t you have an evening together just you and your friend this time? Tell your boyfriend that’s what you’d like. His response to that will be revealing in itself.

You've said you're uncomfortable with it and he's disputing that (why?), when he needs to just butt out. Its your friend, not his. & he's not hosting her - you are. He doesn't need to take her anywhere. He really wants to though, doesn't he? He sounds insistent. You're not planning that he's going to be everywhere the 2 of you are, surely?

Whats to say she'll even go anyway? In her shoes I'd find something else to do rather than spend hours with my friend's man that I don't even know that well. I hope she says No, it'll serve him right. But - you should've cancelled your gym & swim or got her a guest pass so she could come with you. Mind you if its in the morning then just meet her afterwards.

No, it's because her boyfriend of 6 months has inserted himself where he wasn't wanted by taking a day off to be with OP's friend.

And there was an incident where they stayed up drinking, which makes op question his intentions.

Maybe you put yourself in the shoes of someone who has lots of male friends around them, and feel affronted?

With your update here, it sounds like she wants to spend time with just you for whatever reason. Can you tell your BF that this time you’ll be doing stuff with just her so he should cancel his time off work and say you’ll see him when she’s gone?

Not to mention, people still aren't reading past the title, apparently.

with your update I think even more you need to ask her if he's been in touch!

Does he allow you to see your friend's without him at other times? You said past relationships may have messed up your judgement. Him intruding on your special get together for the whole period, might be red flag. Just take note, in case there are more.
What would his reaction be if you told him that you and your friend wanted to hang out just the two of you? His reaction will reveal a lot.

The needing to exercise your back isn't a problem, it's obviously a needed requirement to manage your pain, definitely keep on top of that.

Now because I dont trust the motives of men, but I also want to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt I'm torn.
I can think of loads of good reasons he would want to spend time with your friend, I can think of as many that are sinister.
But what's ringing alarm bells is the fact your friend seems put out by him being there, why? Ask her for her true opinion on him and listen to what she says. If you've had an abusive ex and this boyfriend turns out to be a wrongun, I urge you to consider some counselling and building your self esteem before dating again, it'll be much more beneficial than you realise, working on boundaries of what's normal and red flags etc.
But if your friend says she doesn't feel comfortable with your bf, if something is amiss, then he has to go.
It sounds on face value he's wanting to be kind, get himself involved with friends and family and show himself to be a good partner and I hope that's true, but with a history of abusive boyfriends, I'd suggest you were cautious 💐

The thing I would hate most is my boyfriend taking two days off and hanging around us. I would be really pissed off if I was the friend.

In fact, even at this stage, I would tell him to go to work and save his annual leave for another time, and that you want to spend quality time with your friend

It's not a date.

Just sounds like he's occupying your friend while you are going out without them tbh.

I understand why it might make you feel uncomfortable but I think that this is a you insecurity issue opposed to anything your boyfriend is doing wrong.

Personally I just wouldn't go to swimming or the gym on that day or is leave them to do something together while I did. I don't see why them going for lunch is anymore awkward then them sat around the house together.

Do you not trust your boyfriend?

I do though find it a bit odd he's booked 2 days off to spend time with you and your friend unless you were planning on doing something all together. Does he not have friends?

Honestly, is taking time off to do something fun six months into a relationship now a red flag???

I even take time off to go to Ikea!