Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

Nah, I read the update. 4 hours is still a lot. Possibly it's necessary, and that's fine then. If the friend prefers the gym and sauna to the boyfriend's offer, presumably she will say no.

Regardless, if OP doesn't trust them they should both be dropped.

If she's your/his guest in a strange town, and she knows nobody, then for him to offer to entertain her while you at the gym seems reasonable. Does he give the impression he genuinely fancies her? Is your relationship good?
If all else is normal, I would assume it's just the done thing if it was the other way round, I'd go to the pub with a male friend while my partner was busy (if they were staying with us). If you don't want him to then he should probably respect your wishes, but surely you trust your friend won't hit on him?

You do realise he doesn't live with the OP, don't you? And that he's taking annual leave so that he can take her friend out?

Yeah that’s kinda weird, for you knowing she was coming and to let him come too, totally changes the dynamic, and I am now concerned you’re right, why did he want to take time off to be with you both, it’s weird all round,

The fact the OP has to exercise for her back doesn’t change the basic Q & A though does it?

is my boyfriend being weird and trying to make a move on my friend

probably not, no.

In fact,,tell him not to come, I don’t think it’s fair on your friend. And your boyfriend is being weird,maybe he does fancy her,

I read it as not altering my interpretation of what's going on as described in her first post.

I’m not sure. Something is wrong given the update.

So you left them to it late one night.
He is keen to spend time with her.
She does not want to spend time with him.

Yes I do.

This is an old childhood friend. He’s not likely to think the friend is going to shag him. He just wants a day off and thinks he can be nice and host. If he was up to something he’d arrange to bump onto her.

No, he's taking annual leave to spend time with the OP and her friend. The OP then decided to go swimming instead.

After reading your latest post, OP, I think you should say to your boyfriend that there's been a change of plan and actually you and your friend want to spend those days on your own as you have a lot of catching up to do. Tell him your friend wants to come to the gym with you and you both fancy a lazy evening chatting together. Tell him there's no need for him to take time off.

He's bulldozing his way into your time with your friend and neither you nor she want that. Don't let it happen.

They don't want him to take annual leave - they want to spend the time together.

The OP didn't "decide to go swimming instead" - RTFT.

Well I couldn't say one way or the other really without having met the man in question.

His taking annual leave does seem a tad ott but the enthusiasm could all be for OP's benefit. Hopefully it is. But I've had friends' boyfriends come on to me in the past so it would hardly shiver my timbers if it turned out he fancied the friend.

She did decide to go swimming instead.

She decided to go swimming instead because of her back problem, but she decided to go swimming instead.

I think you've had a massive pile on here OP and I'm sorry you've had a lot of misplaced outrage directed at you.

As someone who was in a relationship where they wouldn't even let me see friends without them I would also be weirded out by his insistence on taking annual leave to meet her for 4hrs without you after only dating for 6 months and meeting her once. It also sounds a little like your friend feels uncomfortable with him, which I would ask her about if you do manage any time togther. Sometimes friends can see things easier (patterns and types of men we pick) and clarify things, which is exactly why controlling men don't let their partners spend time alone with friends.

I agree,,something is off about this, why would he take time off to go out with the two of them, and he must have known the op may go to thr gym.

something isn’t right, the op should tell him as you said. And also tell him her mate was given the choice and chose the gym,

the fact the friend actually said next time I come don’t tell him, tells me he’s a problem and he maybe hitting on her.

Yes, do this. He can meet you both for drinks one night.

Take your mate to the pool, tell your boyfriend you’re having girl time, no blokes allowed. Why on earth has he taken time off to spend it with your friend, when he’s only been going out with you for 6 months? Distinctly weird. I’d find it extremely awkward to spend time with my mate’s newish boyfriend.

Don't be afraid to tell your boyfriend now that you want to spend time with your friend just the two of you. If he reacts badly to that, it's a red flag.

Have you ever done the freedom programme?

I think this is dilemma for younger people than me.

But I also think there's is an etiquette around spending time with a friend's partner - I too find the marathon gym'n'swim weird - why on earth not have that time with your friend?

Did you say at all that you would like him to take time off?

I agree that if you want the time just with your friend then tell him not to visit.

Oh sorry - I missed all that explanation
Sorry OP

What a creep. Lots of red flags. Trust your spidey senses, thats why we have them, and throw him back in the pond.

if the boyfriend doesn't live with you, you don't have to invite him over while friend is there. why does he assume he'll be spending the evenings with you and your friend if he doesn't live there? You've only been seeing each other for 6 months, that's very presumptuous of him. tell him, he can come for a coffee one of the days with you both