Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

To be honest you're just plain rude for spending that long in the gym when you have someone to stay with you. You're lucky your partner will entertain your friend while you're not there, and of course it's not a date.

@MayNov

And It's not a date L.o.l this is ridiculous..🙄

I think you're being unreasonable here. do you really need to gym and swim while she's visiting? I think your boyfriend is being kind to offer to go out with her for the day while you do your own thing. Did he call it a date or have you decided it's a date? I'd not be concerned if my DP took my best friend out for the afternoon if I had better things to do...

The bigger question is why you don’t trust your boyfriend and friend together.

I missed this, sorry OP. Understand your need for gym use. Fact she can use a guest pass and hasn’t minded sight-seeing in the past makes it seem like your BF maybe a bit too keen. You haven’t been together very long and annual leave, as you know, is precious. You don’t live together but could surely meet up after work for a meal/night out somewhere. That should be enough for him surely as he’s only met her once before, she’s not and old friend of his. I can see why you’d be uncomfortable. Maybe tell him you’d rather he save his AL for a time where the two of you can go away together instead. His reaction will be informative as to how he feels about your friend I think, especially as he can still see her while she visits after work.

It's not really the question, though. She's only known him for six months. She'd be crazy to absolutely trust him. He stayed up late with her friend on the only time he met her and now he's taking annual leave to spend more time with her, when she isn't coming to visit him.

@MayNov and your solution is what?

And this isn't one of them. Read her update, it's understandable why she's feel weird about it, even if you think you'd be fine.

It is understandable why she feels weird about it. It IS weird!!! But if my DP told me he was going to book time off work when my BF came to visit (when he had only met her once before!) I would ask him why on earth he was doing that?!

Actually there are so many threads where the posters prove they don't have any comprehension skills.

Your friend is coming to stay with you for a few days and you’re leaving her for 4 hours to go to the gym? Sounds like your bf isn’t ’taking her on a date’ but offering to keep her company while you’re busy. Do you not trust him or her? If you did, this wouldn’t even be an issue

I probably would too, but just booking time off could be overlooked. The context makes it more suspicious.

I would think this.

Absolutely this. The OP’s friend is a regular visitor who can either join in with the OP at the gym (where OP needs to go for pain management issues) or who can take herself out and about in a place she knows well enough. This is neither rude nor weird. Anyone who has lived abroad will have probably done the same.

A 6 month relationship with the DP is very short, he barely knows the friend save for a late night drinking session together after OP went to bed.

It’s completely normal why the OP is weirded out that he’s now proposing to take annual leave to take her friend on a long walk and to the pub. Because it is weird. No matter what the MN pile on says 🤷🏻‍♀️

How odd

He's spending time with her while you go for your exercise

Hardly a date

This.

YABU on two counts as why aren’t you spending time with your friend yourself if she is coming to see you?

He knows her so seems to have offered so she has something to do while you are busy - why would it make you feel uncomfortable? Surely you trust your boyfriend and friend?

The way I read it:

My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us

He's arranged to join you both so you can all have a nice time together.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here

You've then unilaterally decided to take yourself away for half a day

and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him

So, rather than just sit around at home (or shag your friend, if half the posters here would be believed), he's decided to do something nice with his time off, like he assumed you'd all be doing together.

Must be national Don't Read All the OP's Posts day again.

Rolls around so quickly.

He’s just keeping her entertained as a guest because you are busy.

It’s not a date, he’s being a good host.

You are being silly.

I think you are being unreasonable on a couple of levels. If someone is coming to visit you specifically, why would you go to swim and to the gym for 4 hours? In my opinion he is being helpful and spending time with your friend when you should really be doing it.

I'm like a broken record, but did you read all the OP's posts?

I'm going to have to start a thread about people's steadfast refusal to read beyond the opening post.

Thanks again for all the replies, just wanted to give an update. I've asked my friend what she'd like to do, and she said she'd rather come with me for a swim and maybe go for a massage to pass the time.
I know 4 hours sounds like a long time but my back was broken in 3 places in a childhood accident and I have two compressed nerves (sciatic and pudendal), am in constant pain/get really bad flare ups if and when I don't stretch/exercise. My friend is aware.
Sorry to be drip feeding.
I suppose the reason why I was asking if this was normal is because my last relationship was somewhat abusive and I don't know what's normal anymore, because of the constant gaslighting. I'm at a stage where I'm having to relearn to trust my judgment again. I was genuinely curious to know what people think.
I've told my friend that my boyfriend has taken time off and will be probably spending the days she's here with us and she has jokingly said not to let him know she's coming next time, and was a bit disappointed we are unlikely to have any evenings to ourselves. This made me think I should have probably told my bf not to take the time off as some posters suggested. I did think at first he was taking the time off because I did, but to be fair it's not great for my friend. Will hopefully handle it better next time.

It’s also not a date op. That’s a romantic thing, clearly you either don’t trust him, and think he’s wanting to crack on to your mate, or you suffer with bad jealousy and insecurity.

if it’s the former end it, you can’t be with someone you think would try to shag your own mate the first chance he gets.

She presumably trusts her close childhood friend though.

And her boyfriend presumably isn’t thick enough to think said friend will cop off with him.

He just fancies a day off work and thinks it might be nice to take the woman for lunch. It’s not a date.

What way did you read OP’s follow up post where she gives more context and answers pp’s questions?