That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

He's gotta sort out that gag reflex if you are getting a buzz cut...

haha 😆

😂

I’m with you OP, totally OTT reaction by the nursery. He’s 4 for goodness sake, at that age even I have trouble telling girls and boys apart who have long hair.

This is a MN classic at this point

35 pages of arguing about whether there are gendered stereotypes, what Jesus looked like and now how a big a dick you grow when you shave your hair

Let's be honest, if an actual sex change was achievable reversably and without any negative side-effects just by shaving our heads, we'd all try it at least once out of curiosity and also to test our DPs' gag reflexes.

Meanwhile, in cruel reality, no one can change sex and haircuts are just haircuts.

He will turn into a bully if you excuse and encourage this behaviour like you're doing now. What do you mean "quite righty?" There are many boys with long hair and many girls with short hair. Why is that an issue for you?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and I don't think any of us are having a hard time working out where your three year old has got this from.

Society has changed a lot, and whilst I understand there are still gender stereotypes about, I'm struggling to see how a 3 year old born in current society has picked this up from absolutely nowhere at home.

It sounds like you don't take him out much if he's never seen a man with long hair, or a woman with short hair, to be honest. Maybe get your child outside a bit more so he can be exposed to these very normal things?

I’m sure I saw that on a decal at Dunelm.

😂

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way;

So the exact opposite of someone who tells others how to wear their hair.

My DS is 2.5 and has curls halfway down his back, most of the boys at his nursery have long hair! He often gets mistaken for a girl as he has quite a pretty face, but it's no big deal

In saying that you may want to broaden your children's minds a bit, sad if they've already restricted into stereotypes such as pink for girls

It's bullying. I'd be making a point to your child that some people have short hair, some have long hair and both are perfectly ok whether you are a boy or a girl. Don't be that parent. Come down on this now. My son had long hair (largely due to autism related sensory issues) and I would have been furious if anybody had made a fuss.

what, you mean all the paintings of him over time showing him as a white man with long hair arent real?

Don’t be ridiculous, you’re talking about a 3 year old. It might appear to be bullying, but they don’t really have the social skills to understand that it’s hurtful for the other child. It’s ok to teach them that it’s not nice to tease other children but it’s irrational to brand a 3 year old a bully over such an issue.

It’s simple, just tell your child that X is a boy so stop calling him a girl. Most boys have shorter hair but boys and girls can both choose whether to have their hair long or short.

clpsmum

Do Christian's not portray Jesus with long hair in every single picture of him??? Yet another example of what hypocritical judgemental people can hide behind religion to spread their evil

That’s what I was saying, effectively?!

Yabvu

People like you are the reason why boys think they can't have long hair and girls think they can't have it short.

I don't think the problem is the child not being able to tell if the other child was a girl or boy it's the mothers attitude towards it. Further up she posted that

he thinks boys have short hair and girls have long hair and quite rightly so.

That attitude is how bullies are created, he may not be a bully now but is more likely to be when older with a narrow minded mother!

Its highly unlikely Jesus has long hair

Bollocks. His title was Jesus of Nazareth. He was a Nazarite. By birth he couldn’t cut his hair/beard.

Edited to add, if he did give it all the chop, the ‘of Nazareth’ descriptor would have been dropped but it wasn’t.

No, he was a Nazarene, from the place called Nazareth, not a Nazirite.

Nazirites swore not to consume anything made of grapes, so he couldn't have had wine at the last supper if he was a Nazirite.

He wasn't a nazerite that we know of

In fact given the whole turning water into wine etc it seems to be highly unlikely Jesus was a Nazerite given they were also not supposed to touch wine

Should have refreshed the page to avoid cross posting 🤣

YANBU. Of course children are going to pass comment.

Don’t like it? Don’t let your son look like a girl 🤷‍♀️ Because that’s what he does look like, just most people are too polite to say it. But young kids say it as they see it. They are beautifully honest.

So are you happy for children - with their beautiful honesty - to make unkind remarks about other differences, @BananasInThreePieceSuits? Things like disabilities, or scars, or skin colour? And are you happy for boys and girls to be locked into rigid, 1950s gender stereotypes, or would you prefer them to have the freedom to like, do, wear and be whoever and whatever they want, without having to conform to outdated 'rules'?

It is also worth bearing in mind that what could be seen as 'beautiful honesty' in a small child would most definitely be seen as abuse, or bullying or even racism, misogyny or ablism in an older person, so, as parents, it is our job to teach our children that it is not acceptable to make unkind personal remarks. Children will not automatically become kind and thoughtful adults - if they are taught that it is OK, even good (or beautiful) to make unkind personal comments, they will grow up to be unpleasant and unpopular adults.

I am fat - I know I am - but if your 'beautifully honest' child passed audible comment on that fact, I would be upset, and I would judge your parenting if you didn't correct that behaviour.