That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

Thor, Loki, Winter Soldier, Aquaman, Captian Marvel

Velma and Shaggy

Rapunzel, Flynn Rider, Gaston, Mulan

Severus Snape.

He-man when I was a child had a jaw-length bob.

"calling him a girl" is not passing comment. Its targeting. Your DC knows this child is not a girl but is mocking him. Thats out of order and unfair. Would you rather this child conformed to society and had short hair so your DC didnt feel the need to belittle him?

But that’s got nothing to do with the length of their hair, has it?

Erling Haaland, David Beckham, Jonnie Peacock, Luke Greenbank, David Ginola, Patrik Berger, Toby Rudolf, Robbie Savage, Sebastien Chabal, Layton Hewitt, Pat Rafter… all have managed to combine having long hair with being very successful sportsmen. If you’ve got an issue with people who were born men identifying as women, take it up with them. It isn’t relevant here.

A firm reminder to not comment on other people's appearances and why is all that's needed.

But* *isn’t that exactly what the nursery did by speaking to OP and her child? How else could they have done it? Yet OP is blaming the parents, the long-haired boy, the nursery… everybody but herself and her son.

Interesting you should say that. I thought Bluey was a boy and my nephew corrected me and said “It’s because you thought of the colour blue.” He’s five but my sister has had these conversations with him for as long as he’ll be able to remember so I wasn’t really surprised.

The way I see it:

• Reasonable for your child to mistakenly make that comment / assumption
• Reasonable for that child's parents to want you to talk to him about it

No one is being unreasonable really. These are things that happen as you raise children :-)

Why ask if you aren't going to bother listening. YABVU.

I’m a lady. I have short hair. My dad was a man. He had long hair. Why is it ‘quite right’ that your child thinks boys have short hair and girls have long hair? Where can he possibly have learned that prejudice from I wonder? You need to teach them that hair is just hair, and nothing to do with being a boy or a girl.

@FailingAtEverythingAgain I've talked to him about how he wants to / wants me to address this. If I'm there, I say something like "oh, he's a boy. I know, the long hair is confusing!" If I'm not there, he says something like "I'm a boy, I just have long hair

That’s enabling that shit though. The whole - I understand why you are confused, because of long hair. That’s wrong. The whole point is long hair shouldn’t cause this confusion, yet you are pandering to it. If my son was ever mistaken for a girl (his hair was a lot longer than shoulder length as a child (and still now as an adult)), the response all round was simply “he’s a boy”, the end.

The funniest, when he was an older teen, prob around 19yo and we were out somewhere, it was somewhere with crowds and people having to push through, maybe a music festival or similar. I was behind him and a guy was trying to get through the crowd and tapped him on the shoulder and said ‘excuse me, love’, and my son turned around so the guy was confronted with a full on beard and facial hair, and went ‘eh?’. I was a bit perplexed as my son is over 6’, and while super slim still has that wide shouldered build a guy has that a woman doesn’t. So the guy made this odd assumption just on the basis of his long hair from the back. I pissed myself laughing for about 15mins at both the look of confusion on my sons face when he turned around, and look of horror on the guys face, it was just priceless.

Yes my 3 year old prefers Bluey and Number Blocks to The Witcher

This, like many other things you say, makes little sense. So your son watches Bluey, where Bluey, who is a girl, is blue. Yet, you say your son believes blue is for boys. So, if he’s not getting this from stuff he watches (and children’s tv is overly PC these days so would never have a male character in blue for safety sake), then where else is he getting this? There’s really only one obvious answer.

Did you realise bluey is a girl? Something makes me think he won't be watching it all of a sudden.

Ironically I've told him repeatedly that Bluey is a girl and he argues back that Bluey is a boy, although he also thinks Bingo is a girl, despite me telling him repeatedly that they are both girls.

Ironically I've told him repeatedly that Bluey is a girl and he argues back that Bluey is a boy, although he also thinks Bingo is a girl, despite me telling him repeatedly that they are both girls

Right. So, if a 3yo is not getting this from tv (children’s tv - which is PC), and you claim they don’t take cues from people outside your family (such as strangers in ASDA), then where is it coming from, as kids don’t pop out of the womb with these pre-formed ideas? So, it’s either your family or nursery? Are you saying it can only be coming from nursery? If so, that’s really a conversation you should have with them.

I actually don't understand why this thread is still going! OP you are such a Karen of a parent.

What your son did wasn't a big deal, but asking for you to chat with your son isn't a big deal either. You'd be annoyed if someone kept referring to your son as a girl right?

Actually, teaching kids respect & open-mindedness – e.g. most girls have long hair but not all girls do; most Brits are white but not all Brits are – sets them up for social success.

Your child will struggle socially in the long run if you keep up this attitude. Don't sabotage his life because of your stubborness!

Actually, teaching kids respect & open-mindedness – e.g. most girls have long hair but not all girls do; most Brits are white but not all Brits are – sets them up for social success.

Not true. Teach them the above and they're set to be social disasters - I suggest you change 'most' to 'some' .

OP you are such a Karen of a parent.

Urgh. I disagree with the OP, but can we PLEASE stop using this vile term? It's a tool for silencing women.

Teasing is wrong. Learning that at 3 is right.

You don't teach a child that it's ok to comment on appearances, other than perhaps if someone is asking you to describe a person (and then do it in a kind way).

Please don't use the term 'Karen', it's so derogatory and not necessary!

It’s totally normal for a child to make observations about the world they live in. In general, boys do have shorter hair and girls longer so it seems likely that this situation would occur.

The important thing is that your DS learns that there are anomalies in the world, and learns to be kind to people that are a different.

So while it’s not unreasonable to expect that to happen, it is unreasonable to use it as an excuse to shift the blame on to the other kid.

I doubt he was bullying the other boy, but it does sound like he has a very fixed mindset and I'd be inclined to work with the nursery on this.

I've told him repeatedly that Bluey is a girl and he argues back that Bluey is a boy, although he also thinks Bingo is a girl, despite me telling him repeatedly that they are both girls

I'm guessing this is basically what happened at nursery and that the other little boy would have been quite upset when your DS refused to accept he was actually a boy!

Like I said, I very much doubt that at 3 years old your lovely DS was intentionally being unkind or bullying! I do think the nursery was correct to bring it to your attention though.

I know it's our natural instinct as parents to protect our children, but avoid the temptation to deflect blame elsewhere.

Random thought - does he definitely know the difference between girls and boys? I.e. boys grow into men and girl grow into women and that only men have willies and only women can grow babies etc?

Because if he's not quite understood that then the whole girl/boy thing does seem very confusing and arbitrary!

I say this as someone who spent their early childhood believing that all adults were over 100 years old. Children get some funny ideas!

It's no different to saying if you can't afford to send your child in wearing designer clobber then they deserve to be teased...
What a horrible attitude.
I still find it unbelievable that this is a genuine post?!

Turn this around - is it ok for a girl who chooses to have a short hairstyle to be bullied for it and told she looks like a boy and isn't being a girl correctly.

Clue: That's not ok. It's disgusting.

Same goes for this situation.