I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

You don't think kin terms are culturally significant? They shape social structures and cultural values, they're very significant culturally

You might enjoy this video OP....

I have 10 grandkids and between them I get called grandpa, gramps, grumps, my first name and a couple of them think it's hilarious to call me a big jessy when we're fooling about.

My youngest has Grandad and Grandad (said in a tone that has a definite edge of disapproval of his shenanigans). 😂

Assuming your first name is Moira, you could always whisper Momo or even Mimi into DGC's ear whenever you can - that way you'd get your desired Gigi/Lola vibe

Yes, it's come up on here a lot, especially with the use of the term 'Granny'.

I mean, surely people can get their heads around that grannies, like parents, can be of a wide range of ages? I was almost 40 when I had DS, and when I saw my midwife at one of her centres, the expectant women were on average 20 years younger than me, and their mothers accompanying them were around my age.

When I saw the midwife at a centre in a more prosperous area a mile down the road, the pregnant women waiting were around my age.

Life stages don't map onto specific ages.

I think it's all a moot point really. Even if you insist, if your son doesn't want to have his child use Nonna then you can guarantee at home he'll be referring to you as Nanny/Nan/Granny or whatever and that's what they'll get used to. The child will end up associating one of those names with you instead I expect.

My mum became a grandmother at the age of 47 and she said she didn't feel like a granny, so she decided to be a Nonna. I found the whole thing a bit pretentious because we're not Italian, but she has always enjoyed being a bit different. Haha. By the time my child came along she had got used to being a grandmother and is a granny to mine.

I recently met a child who also had a Nonna so I mentioned it to the mum, and she said that her mum felt to young to be a granny too so went with Nonna. So I guess it's actually really not that uncommon.

I think you should get a certain amount of say, yes. There's nothing wrong with Nonna (Italian or not) if that's what you prefer.

The only preference that was ever expressed to me when I was having my babies was that my mother didn't want to be known as Nanny because it made her think of nanny goats. I get that, and that would also be my only stipulation should I ever become a grandparent.

All grandparents were known as Grandma (both my mother and my MIL) whereas my father and FIL were both Grandad. It was never an issue. The two sides of the family very rarely met anyway.

@gluggle i think the existence of kin terms is important for denoting relationships but the actual word, probably not. Except in those cases where grandparents are the overstepping types and try to behave (or select titles) like parents. But that behaviour tends to be more than just choosing their name.

How is it ignorant?
I'm aware that Nonna is an alternative to Grandma but the sound is very similar to "Nonce" and given that Nonna is very uncommon in the UK, that's a similar sound for me?
I'm not applying any kind of prejudice to the Italians

In Chinese the name "Phoebe" is incredibly similar to the word "Fay Bee" which means "Flying Cunt" - some words sound similar to rude words in other languages.

Lola is a cultural thing, the mother is from Thailand, but I’m not sure if my friend actually like it. Why not GiGi? Many are grandparents under 60 these days so age is not really a consideration. I’m always telling people I’m 73, I’m proud of it, just not keen on the name granny! It’s not a hanging offence!

YABU. You have no connection to Italy and it’s up to them what they call you to their child. They don’t have to teach their baby Italian words just because you’re feeling a bit pretentious.

I had two grannies and I want my child to have grannies. One of them asked to be called Nanny, I said no as to me that means either a goat or staff.

You live in the UK, you have a grandchild, that makes you a granny, get over it.

My mother did this. She wanted to be called
something as it was French. We are not French. Well I am a bit but from my father's side not hers.
Anyway when my eldest came along she chose the name, which to be fair has stuck.

We let both our Mums pick and they both wanted to be Grandma ! So my DC have a Grandma P & a Grandma J
Neither wanted to be Granny (said sounded old)
I’d pick Granny when / if I become a Grandparent.
Sorry they won’t let you pick OP.

@Moira1951 what things have you been pulled on?

I don’t think this issue to clear cut. It’s all preference. We left the GP to choose their own names - it’s irrelevant anyway coz the kid won’t speak for ages and when they do they’ll probably end up with nicknames for a bit. I just raise eyebrows at the GP getting offended trying to claim names and argue with other GP about it when really they should take a step back and think ‘wow, a baby is coming. What a privilege to get to meet and watch a new little soul make it through the world’.

overall it’s not that deep. You want to be in the kids life so don’t make this the hill u die on. FWIW I would have thought nonna was a weird choice but respected it.

PS you did have a choice, but it was when you had a child, and you got to choose what he called his grandparents. That was your turn to choose, now it’s someone else’s.

Maybe she didn’t. Perhaps she allowed the grandparents to choose. Like most people do.

I'm imagining a grandmother called Gigi giving all the Patsy from AbFab vibes.

I'm not a grandparent but when I am I really want to be granny because I had 2 grannys and my mum is granny.
I'd be sad if my son or daughter insisted on another name.

Do you know what, when the baby appears you won't give a flying fig what it calls you, so my advice is to smile and nod until then.

@Westfacing love the idea of Momo or similar nickname deriving from Moira.

I am now invested that you disrupt DS and DDIL's choice just because they have a cheek in dictating what you should be called. Nonna Momo?

BTW I have Italian connections and say wholeheartedly go for nonna even if you have never stepped foot in the country.

I think Nonna when you aren't italian is a little weird. If you don't like Granny then propose one of the many alternatives to your son - they can't force you to use something you don't like.

Nanny, Nana, Grandma, whatever. There has to be one you can compromise on.

My DM wanted to use the term for grandmother in our language, but we said no as in English it sounds very like Mummy, but we let her choose another term.

My grandparents were Nansie and Grumps!

We had 'Gaga,Gama.Ninny and Pop'.

We ended up with GaGa as that was all they could say and it stuck into their teens! I don't think my mother would have minded if she was called Mrs Potatohead, she was just so pleased to have her grandchildren. Honestly, this is not a hill to die on and GiGi is a bit odd and Nonna doesn't really make sense if you aren't Italian.

In the end the child will call you whatever they decide. My friend wanted nan, she is called nana[her dogs name] by one grandchild and Jackie (not her real name) by the other, no amount of telling her grandchild she is nana is working. He heard everyone else call her Jackie and so Jackie it is, if you say nana he gets very angry and says No, her name is Jackie