I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

I’m torn because I do think that of course you get a say - how weird that people are saying it’s up to the parents?? Like if the parents decided the child should call you Barry that would be fine too? (I mean it would be pretty funny).

BUT - I also agree with the people thinking choosing Nonna when you’ve no Italian connection is a bit try-hard - still think it’s up to you though.

Ultimately as others have pointed out the child will decide. Although I asked my in laws what they wanted us to use and went with their choice, DD has ended up calling them her own version which is pretty cute actually and special because it’s just for them.

And cultural appropriation.

😂

My mum arsed around so long with what she wanted to be called (“Mama” was unbelievably one of her suggestions!) that in the end our DCs ended up calling her by her first name. Ha!

The child won't know the difference. The name means something to the grandparent. The parents are being twats.

😂😂😂

Such fear of difference or standing out. It’s incredible really.

@Hoardasurass "No you don't get a choice if you want a relationship with your grandchild. It like every other decision about how this child is raised is up to the parents not you"

I can only hope this is irony.

If you're not Italian then Nonna is just embarrassing imho

Is your friend who is Lola from the Philippines? Lola is the Filipino name for grandmother.

Of course it would be cultural appropriation to use a kin term from Cherokee. You can't go around appropriating things from marginalised indigenous populations if you don't belong to them

If someone said they had "chosen" Nonna, with no Italian roots, I presume they were a social climbing snob, most likely lower middle class trying to sound upper middle class. My MIL chose a name for herself and that is exactly what I think about her.

I find children often settle on what they like rather than what the adults like. You may find yourself getting called something completely different...

Your DS/DH has a nerve telling you what you should be known as! They sound awful.

In any case, when you're talking to your grandchild you will often refer to yourself in the first person, ie come to Nonna. So unless they're going to take you to task every time the child will learn what to call you themselves.

Tell them you've chosen Nani after seeing this (language alert)

Reckon you'll get Nonna after all 😂 I'd respect your choice.

I was replying to a PP saying it would be ok for someone with no Cherokee ancestry to insist on being known by the Cherokee word for Grandma.
Nonna isn't that bad obviously, but still bad.

But you are 73 and more than old enough not to be 'aged' by the title Granny!

If you were 43 I could understand the idea that 'granny' can sound negative e.g. granny shoes/old granny/granny in the corner etc. Embrace your new status!

Yeah, good luck with that. My mum wanted her DH to be called 'Pops' not Grandad. I never said anything, I just never used it - so neither did my children.

I think you will find the parent's will win as they will be with their child all the time, so if they call you granny, the child will call you granny. You can insist on Nonna all you like, but you won't be able to make it stick. So is it worth it?

I think the UN should be alerted, frankly.

YANBU and your son may regret this in the future.

Both grandmothers to our children were called Granny. In my mother's case she said it was what she wanted to be called, and DC1 was the first grandchild. In MIL's case, she was already called that by her other grandchildren. DH got it into his head he didn't want them called the same thing (despite the fact that they lived very far apart and were in the same room as the children twice) so took to encouraging DC1 to call his mum Grandma. It stuck and she wasn't happy about it. Except she thought it was me who'd made the switch!! Years later she said in my presence to DN "The reason your cousin calls me Grandma is that Farcis didn't want me to be called the same name as her mum." I put her right sharpish, and DH looked very sheepish! I don't think he'd lied to her, just hadn't put her assumption right before.

They're both dead now, and he does regret having pushed it, as she really didn't like being called Grandma - but he had a real thing about them being called the same name. I didn't care, the kids didn't care, and the grandmothers didn't care!!

Hi, they are traditionalists, and in most cases so am I. I didn’t think stepping out of the box would cause such ripples! Even out late queen ended up as Gan Gan! I will fall in I guess but I’d like to have had a choice.

People bandy about the term 'cultural appropriation' a bit too much. It's no more cultural appropriation to call yourself nonna, than it is to eat pasta!
Appropriation is using something which is culturally significant and not treating it with proper respect - so for example wearing important headdresses as costume and not understanding or caring that this is insulting. It's not using a generic name for grandmother in Italy, as a term of affection.

Why does it matter? I have 10 grandkids and between them I get called grandpa, gramps, grumps, my first name and a couple of them think it's hilarious to call me a big jessy when we're fooling about. They can call me whatever they like as long as they're happy. Being a part of their lives is all that matters to me and risking causing friction with their parents over petty matters is a good way to undermine that.

My mum point blank refused to be called Granny or Grandma and luckily both my brothers actually respected her wishes to be called Nanny.

my Grandparents were Nanny and Bampy.

I find it odd when grandparents don’t want to be known by one of the typical grandparent names because they think it sounds ‘too old’. Always seems rather vain, as though they think they look so much younger than their actual age and others will be shocked to find out they’re old enough to be a grandparent if they overhear a child calling them granny. Gigi or Lola screams “I’m uncomfortable with my age” to me.

I think using Nonna if you’re not Italian is rather strange. I can see why your son wouldn’t want to go for it.

Some people are a bit precious about their first baby. I hear. 😁

MIL wanted to be called mama - insisted it was usual in her area and people backed her up. She was already massively overstepping (seemed to think she was the mother at times ) and causing issues so that was a no.

She tried calling herself it and FIL joined in - DH and I corrected evetime to Grandma. Oddly no one now claims it's a normal title for GM in area - and no-one we know in area uses it. Kids followed our lead and she Grandma name.

So I'd say the choice isn't entirely yours - though you could see if they'd tolerate other options.