I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

Would it be ok if somebody English wanted their grandchild to call them Eli-si

ot course it would. It’s just a name ffs

Everyone is nanna in our family / extended families. I know plenty of granny’s and gran’s / grandma’s. I have no idea what your problem is and Nonna is quite frankly ridiculous.

picking out a foreign language term to use because you like it isn’t really comparable to learning that language.

No, it's just enriching your culture with a word from someone else's because why not!

I am honestly agog at the idea that it's bordering on cultural appropriation for someone to pick the nickname for Grandmother from another language - it's ridiculous even for MN. Would you be offended if you heard an Italian toddler calling their Grandmother Granny??! Of course not, because it just doesn't matter

Why on earth would someone be embarrassed to use it just because the person isn't Italian?

that's what's bizarre. I never called my (English mainly) Grandmother Granny, my kids don't call their grandmothers Granny - it's just a nickname, for a child to use for a family member. Who cares!

My parents are Nonna and Nonno to DC (italian heritage, before anyone shoots!) and to be fair I've never ever had anyone ask us why we use that word or who we mean. They just accept it. We don't even live somewhere particularly multicultural.

I think it's polite for a first child to ask grandparents what they want to be. My MIL had fixed ideas, she wanted to be "nanna" because she didn't like nanny, but nanna doesn't come naturally to me and none of us could remember, so it ended up being nanny.

You are being put in your place unfortunately. To maintain the relationship id play ball.

It is controlling but unfortunately they won't realise until they are in your position.

Could you suggest Nanna?

I think people just assumed there was Russian ancestry.
She had a good reason not to want to be Granny. Worth acknowledging some people have bad memories associated with some family nicknames, especially in cases of abuse or neglect.

You’ll so be setting yourself and the kid up for a lifetime of being asked if you have Italian heritage and explaining that, no, grandmother just liked the sound of it.

I think it’s a bit of cultural appropriation to be honest, because Italians are seen as glamorous etc.

@Moira1951 your name, your choice.

Well it's Ganny here as the first GC made a stab at Granny but got this out instead. It stuck for all of them. In fact both Gannys use it. Called Ganny Jane and Ganny Joan. Ganda for the grandads.

Go with the flow and you can call yourself what you want for the GCs. I think you are more concerned at the fact that your son is dictating to you, that would get my back up for sure!

We have a grandma (surname) and a grandma (first name)
my daughter calls my mum gammon sometimes as a nickname or she’s called Mama G or Gma
I don’t think there was ever a discussion. It was they just said ‘come to grandma’ when the babies were born and whatever just stuck.
I don’t get the discussions around this. People just say what’s natural, don’t they as they’re talking to the babies.

I think you should be allowed to choose the name as long as it's not rude or offensive.
Your grandchild will call you what they hear you being called or a mangled version of it.

I find this from your post very interesting " Ive been pulled about a few things in the last year only. Son and I were extremely close once."

It sounds like you are pulling some shit that's causing them to push back.

His priorities have changed. If you want to be part of his life you need to accept that. You're not in competition with his partner as though you're some creepy romantic rival

Of course you get to choose! He is being a bit of a dick.

However, my mum wanted to be Grandma but my eldest had other ideas. The second she could talk, she could only say Mammar. She has been Mammar every since. My brothers children also call her Mammar so that is just her name.

My MIL wanted to be Nanny but my Eldest called her Nanna Berry. She was always so excited to show her Nanna their dog she would go "Nanna, Berry" and it stuck. They are Nanna and Grandad Berry.

If you live in Royston Vasey, maybe. In a normal multicultural place, no one will care.

All of these words are terms of endearment. If we were to be literal we would all be calling our relatives by the formal term of mother/father/grandmother/grandfather etc instead of more informal and affectionate names. So ultimately it's just one informal preference over another and the parents are being a bit precious. It's their baby but it's the OP's name!

If Granny sounds old, you have other choices without picking Italian at random:

Grandmother
Grandma Moira
Granny Moira
Gran
Grandmama
Nanny
Nan
Nanna

I am with you in that you should choose, as it's your name, but if you're going to be as daft as to pick Italian at random then I'm less sure!

Perhaps if none of you the above suit, sit down with your son and stick "Grandma" into google translate until you can find one you agree on.m

You’ll so be setting yourself and the kid up for a lifetime of being asked if you have Italian heritage and explaining that, no, grandmother just liked the sound of it.

No you won't. And even if you were, wouldn't someone just smile, say 'that's lovely' and move on with their day? What are you expecting to happen that's so bad about that answer?

It is .

We asked our various parents what they wanted to be called. I think they loved getting to choose. Sorry, OP. All I can say is that some of the names chosen at the time have shifted somewhat! So it might yet change.

I would say it's entirely up to you what you want to be called and I wouldn't have considered not asking my parents and in-laws how they'd like to be addressed.

Your son is being ridiculous in my opinion, but that being said I wouldn't think it's a hill to die on, you'll probably get used to the term pretty quickly. I didn't like the choice my MIL made but I'm totally fine with it now as the feeling words give you change over time when their associations change, I think.

My mum declared she wasn't going to be called Nanna so it was Granny. I'm also Granny. ( other Granny is Nanna)
I have a couple of friends who refuse to to be called Gran, Granny or grandma, because they think they are too young , so they are known as Momar. Massively pretensious in my opinion 🤣

You sound hard work tbh

No, it would be extremely pretentious and annoying. And cultural appropriation.

Just no. If you're not Italian it will never stick- and you'll certainly get plenty from friends and family who will think you're being ridiculous.

Imagining all the conversations in the park where random strangers start quizzing OP on her heritage and calling her out for cultural appropriation and ringing the “shame” bell as she walks through the streets being spat at as her penance.