I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

Haha. I'm from Nottingham and called my GM Nanarrr with the r!

Surely everyone has the right to be called what they want. Parents have the right to call their kids anything they like, even ludicrous names, but they don't have the right to name their own parents. Imagine being called by a name you hate by your beloved grandchildren. In any case children often mispronounce the name and their version sticks. I've known a few Gagas. Even the Queen answered to a strange variation. Grandparents have no say in how grandkids are brought up or in their children's relationship but there's no harm in seeking their opinion on the proviso you can take it or leave it. Things are swinging too far the other way where children are being completely disrespectful as this women's child is. Remember neither you or your children would even exist if it wasn't for your parents. Unless they were abusive, in which case break all contact, treat them with respect. They are probably the people who love you most in this world. If your son insists on his kids calling you granny start calling him by a name he hates. Tell him you made a mistake on his birth certificate and that's the name you actually chose. Then tell him to grow up.

As far as I'm concerned it should be up to you what you want to be called. I mean the kid is probably going to pick their own name, but if you prefer a certain address then I don't understand why your son is so against it. If I wanted to be called exclusively mama instead of mum or mummy or anything else, I wouldn't expect my husband to say no absolutely not - it's what I want to be known as, it's my choice.

I say this as someone who actually asked her mum/mum in law what they wanted to be known as. My mum is Grandma because she just prefers it (call her Nanny and she just says she's "not a goat 🤷‍♀️) and mum in law wants Granny cos that's what she called her grandmother and what her kids called her mum. I would never have even dreamt of telling them what they're going to be called, it's their relationship with their grandchild, they deserve to be addressed how they would prefer.

It's a very weird thing for your son to want to veto.
Life is full of complexity. And this really isn't!

It's certainly not unreasonable to say you want to be called a specific name. But what your grandchild ends up calling you may be totally different to both 'granny' and 'nonna'! My DS couldn't pronounce 'grandmother' in our native language and made up his own name, which he called her forever after.

Oh God my MIL was like this, coming up with all manner of random ‘suggestions’ as to what our DC could call her.

We told her Nana or her name were acceptable to us, she is now Nana.

I asked my Italian relative about this and they laughed at the idea using the name was ‘cultural appropriation’ and said anyone can be called Nonna if they wish.

You definitely get a say.
Think of some nice grandmother terms and let the baby pronounce them.
You might hear the baby call you Gwonny, Moigran, Moinna or whatever.
Latch onto a title of which you approve.

I find this bizarre and a bit controlling. Why not let them be called what they like? It practically becomes their name, they should be comfortable with it. I’ll be interested in the future to know how you would feel should your children tell you that you must be called something you dislike. you will claim you’ll be fine with it and respect it, but if your children insisted in your grandchildren calling you something daft you hated I bet you wouldn’t feel this way.

How would they respond to you having a polite conversation with them along the lines of 'I'm sorry both but I find the name Granny just awful. Please may I be called something else?'

My mum used her best polite voice when raising such points with me and I have to say it did make me more inclined to not totally dismiss her out of hand :D

My mil wanted to be known as ‘Grammie’ but I refer to her as grandma, because I fucking cringe at the sound of ‘grammie’ 🤷🏽‍♀️
Personally, I think it sounds uneducated.

So no matter what you want to be known as, know that you can’t really control that…

I think it's weird on both sides. Your DS and you.

My MIL got a bit arsey and insisted that she would be called just 'Granny' and that my mum was not allowed to be called that. Her 'rationale' was that she was already 'Granny' to her other GC and it would be too confusing if my mum was called the same name, it was sort of a 'bagsie' situation. It obviously really mattered to her. Luckily I wasn't bothered and neither was my mum.

Why Nonna? It is weird. I don't know anyone with a non-Italian heritage to use it.

I hope you use your best polite voice with her too!

Even though my daughter is very easy going, Mumsnet has made me paranoid about my communication with her. I doubt that she over thinks it anywhere near as much as I do!

In our family, we asked the prospective GPs what they’d like to be called. That seemed to work out fine.

On the contrary it was a fight against a controlling MIL (who wanted to decorate my house and cried to DH that I wouldn’t let her choose all of our Christmas decorations).

When it came to my DC I wasn’t having her nonsense about feeling too old to be called Nana. If her suggestions had been in any way normal or have a reasonable explanation behind it and not totally random then maybe I would have listened but I wasn’t having my DC running around calling her ‘Moya’ or any other such suggestions

FWIW @Moira1951 our first kid came up with their own names for grandparents very soon after she could talk. Those names stuck, and are now what we all use. Hopefully your grandchild will do the same and it'll be a name everyone likes. I think it also seems only fair that the grandchild gets a say!

My kids grandparents all chose their own names. Seems a weird thing to dictate, especially these days!

My dad really didn't want to be called grandad, he wanted to just be known by just his first name, whereas my mum wanted to be granny and then her first name so it was a bit odd. I called him grandad at every opportunity when the kids were small and they've always called him grandad 😂

My mil wanted to be called maman (in local language this is pronounced momon and means fanny).

she’s now reverted to Mormor which is apparently Swedish. She’s not Swedish.

My parents chose what they wanted to be called. I’m astonished that people don’t ask and follow the request. why would you demand your parents be called something they don’t like?

@Cathy31 and what did your family do before your children could talk? What were the grandparents called before the children invented their names? There must have been a good 12 months before that happened.

You'll be called whatever the parents call you because the child will hear your title from them the most and just copy it I'd say. Nonna would not come naturally to me and I'd feel stupid saying it so automatically refer to you as something else I think. My mother in law wanted to be known as the Welsh word for nanna and I really struggled to pronounce it then always forgot and just automatically said nanna as that's what I call my own nanna and my kids have just gone with what I call her rather than what she wanted.

If it’s any consolation, neither of you may be able to choose. My mum wanted nana, brother wanted grandma, nephew chose nanny as he was learning to talk and it stuck!

I have known a few people who either didn't want granny/nana or wanted alternative ways of saying it. The families happily went along with their wishes. Surely you have some say in what you are going to be/being called? We asked my parents what they would like their 1st GC to call them. DH's were already grandparents and had their grandparent names.

I'm Nanny. Grandchildren's decision, not mine.