I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

But isn't that quite rude? I understand the welsh version is Nain, simply pronounced like 'nine'. In what other walk of life would you wilfully think it's ok to mispronounce a simple one syllable name without making some effort to get it right?

My mother and I had a bit of a complicated backstory: she was a nasty bully when Dsis and I were growing up, only to change her tune and become all meek and mild when we moved thousands of miles away and rarely spoke to her. I will freely admit that I was not as forgiving as I could have been when she reformed her behaviour and didn't always speak to her especially nicely. I considered it tit for tat really (as I think she did tbf).

I'm sure our relationship would have improved over time, only she died, so that was that.

Apologies for the probably unexpectedly serious answer 😁

And that's great. Everyone's happy. I think!
But what were you known as before the first one could speak? And did other grandchildren just fall into line and copy the eldest?

My grandparents chose what they wanted to be called.

I feel it's really strange to tell another person what they should be addressed as?

My daughters grandparents chose what they wanted to be referred to as, it's them who are going to be called it!

Never crossed my mind to name them. And it's not very nice to force someone to answer to a name they don't like! OP is hardly telling them what they should name the baby, just wants to pick her own name.

I think you should be called whatever you like, it’s your name. I certainly don’t want to be named granny, thankfully I don’t think my kids would make me. I think Nonna is lovely. As is gan gan. I also know a nannie and randomly a me-maw. There are plenty of names and in my opinion far less confusing if there are two different ones. The in-laws can be granny, you can be whatever you like.

I think YABU. I refused to allow nan/nanna/nanny because it just sets me teeth on edge. I find it so cringe; there was no way I was listening to that for years 😂

its odd you want to be called Nonna and you’re not Italian.

also seems like you are avoiding a name which sounds old like granny but you’re 73!! It’s like old people dying their hair black or bright ginger, you aren’t fooling anyone about your age…

Nana as mentioned in pp is actually a girls name in many countries. I think its lovely 😁

Whatever u r called, please make sure it’s the same for all the grandchildren. My exes mother has my daughter call her one name and her other granddaughters call her something else - bloody ridiculous.

Its not just a bit controlling, its straight out of the 'my bubz my rulz' handbook. The start as you mean to go on to make sure these old women know who's in charge around here now. I find it sad to think how many grandparents may be jumping to the whip, doing what they're told to the letter, now even accepting the names they're allocated, often under threat of not being allowed to see their GC if they don't comply. I can't imagine ever treating my parents or in laws this way. And thank goodness my children and partners don't treat me this way either.

Wtaf?! 😱😂. How disrespectful. This shit has gone wayyy too far.
OP has the right to asked to be called whatever name she bloody likes by whoever is addressing her. Thats basic respect.

It’s absolutely bizarre. How utterly nasty, controlling and disrespectful to think you have the right to control how someone else should be addressed 😱

Well if Granny was good enough for our late Queen, I do not see an issue.
In my family we also had a very lovely Granny. My aunt decided on Grandma (having insisted that her children always called her Mother and their father Father), my mother was Granny. My sister didn't want to be granny, so went for Nana (ugh) until I pointed out that she could have been Nonna and we do have Italian family connections. She was a bit gutted at that, but clearly hadn't thought it through ;-)
I am just a great-aunt, so I am Aunty Chopinwaltz26, but I may change that soon as my greats' parents always called me a shorter version of my name, when they were small.

I think if it’s about a controlling person and this is part of a backstory then maybe that’s different. But some commenters have suggested that if you don’t accept the name you’re given then you shouldn’t get to see the grandchild. If the relationship is otherwise healthy then I definitely think it’s odd and controlling.

Exactly!! Can’t believe some people are saying otherwise

There does seem to be a strand of agism creeping in here. How dare these old women dye their hair? How dare they decide what to be called?

I agree. My parents and in laws picked their own name and our DC are grand with it. I hope that I’m afforded the same respect that either myself or my GDC (if I have any) will choose my name. The threats of not being able to see your own grandkids over a name is just crazy to me.

And that name sticks with the grandparent, many of them have it on their gravestone - imagine being forever remembered in death by a name you hated?

If you’re Italian it’s fine, a bit weird if not.

But it should be up to the grandparents what they’re known as, not the parents. A woman I work with was told, when her son and his wife were expecting, that she couldn’t be ‘grandma’ as her DIL’s mum would be known as grandma so my colleague would have to be granny or nanny. Awful! I grew up with grandma x and grandma y, never caused a problem. My kids also have two both known as grandma, it’s fine!

It’s a strand which weaves through many a thread.
signed
the old woman with the not-entirely-natural -ginger -hair

ps I dye it because it suits me, not because I think I am fooling anyone.

Same here! Gran x, Gran z if talking about them so we knew who they were talking about, both just called Gran in their company. I think it is awful that you often hear about the Dad's Mum being treated as less important than the Mum's Mum

Are you Italian? My freind is Nonna to her grandchild but her husbands family are Italians. However,I don't know of any non Italians being 'Nonna'. We are 'Nana and Papa ' to our granddaughter but only because our daughter and son in law asked what we would like to be called. However if they had said the little one will call you gran/granny. It wouldn't have been an issue. A rose by any other name!....
Just enjoy your wee grandchild and have lots of cuddles.
Good luck to the new parents! 👍

I find that a very precious attitude. I'd be fine with her asserting a preference as to what she herself is called, but certainly not to place restrictions like that on anyone else. Kids are also not as easily confused as some people seem to think they are. I had two grannys and knew perfectly well which was which.

Lucky for her that others in the family were so chilled.

My English Mum is Abuella Ann to my 1/2 Spanish son and she's Mamgi Ann to the Grandkids who are Welsh. She didn’t want to be granny and it just happened organically. ❤️ Play nice

I’m ‘Oma’. Felt too young to be gran/granny etc…
My daughter was absolutely fine with it. Grandson starting to call me ‘Moma’ (Moe-ma)and I love it 🥰
I think having the moniker you feel comfortable with is important.