I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

Oh wow some people rolled their eyes. Better never do anything a bit different just in case someone rolls their eyes.

Some of us don't care about opinions of other people!

My dd asked me what I wanted to be called and had no problem with it. I think it's normal to ask the gp. Nonna might be not expected if you're not Italian but it's not a made up name eg Gigi.

I think that's appalling. It's your name, you decide... it's not for them to decide!

We asked my mum what she wanted to be called and although she chose something a little less common, she explained her reasoning which we fully accepted and love her name! In saying that, nonna is weird if you're not Italian. Just find a compromise with something else....

My mother picked Nona. We had a special discussion to choose her grandma name. Nona is also Scottish, for everyone picking on this lady for "not being Italian enough" 🙄. Use the name you like my love, and congrats on becoming a grandma!

(PS If your son doubles down, just say you will ensure he is known as "Grumpy McSaggyballs" when he's a grandad, since he's not allowed to choose 😉)

Oh my goodness, of course you should have a say in what you want to be called. You should not have to be called a name you do not like. We let our mum choose. We were certainly not that controlling. What ever she wanted.

Interesting one. My granddaughter is half South American and grew up in her native country until she was 4 plus, speaking Spanish. We were referred to as abuela and abuelo (Spanish for grandparents) until she and her parents moved here 3 years ago. She started school, learned to speak English in 2 months and then settled on Grandma and Grandpa partly to fit in with her peers I suspect - although our son, her dad, had always referred to us as that. If/when our other children have children it will make sense for them all to call us the same.

😂

I let my mum choose what she wanted DS to call her. I think it's weird and very precious for the parents to choose.

Not unreasonable at all for any person to decide how they would like others to address them. The parents are being unreasonable here imho, regardless of the absence of an Italian connection. However, I wouldn't die on this hill as the most important thing is a relationship with the grandchild. However, I do believe the OP is right and her son is wrong!

And so what? If the OP is proud to be 'doing well' at 73 to the extent people take her for younger, where's the harm in that? Ageing positively is far better for us than all the moaning and carping done by people who fear and hate it so much.

My mother hated the idea of being Granny or Grandma so picked her own name. One grandchild called her a variation of it for a while as he couldn’t say the word properly. MIL is Granny her name, our kids followed what their older cousins did.

I would rather not be ‘granny’, if my time comes. Granny to me was my very elderly paternal grandmother.

@Moira1951 Gosh, you've had some very bitchy and nasty responses here.

I cannot offer any advice except to try to explain to your son and DIL that you are not wanting to cause problems, and then suck up the 'granny' or 'Nana' soubriquet with a smile. I expect your DC will find his/her own name for you as time goes on

I don’t see what the issue with you choosing what you want to be known as is tbh. If my parents or in laws had expressed a preference I would have honoured it. Sounds weird & controlling to me.

This might help clear up your faux confusion…

I wanted my mum to be called Granny, cos I had a granny and loved her. But mum wanted to be called Nan. Having only a granny and nanna myself, it felt like a weird - it definitely wouldn’t have been my choice. But mum really wanted it. She’d had a Nan, and she liked that it was easy to say. So we went with that. And now I wouldn’t have it any other way! It’s her name!

I think you should have a say in what you’re called. It’s you that will be called it after all.

As for Nonna, I know lots of Nonnas who aren’t Italian. It’s perfectly acceptable and not pretentious. It’s a nice sounding word.

My friends grandson couldn’t say grandma and always said Jamjar, she’s still called Jamjar to all her grandchildren now, even though all 5 grandchildren are adults !! They wouldn’t think of calling her anything else and all the family refer to her as Jamjar. Really suits her as she’s so lovely.

I don’t really understand when people decide for others what they should be called. We asked grandparents and they chose their own names. All grandchildren call them by those names because that’s what they heard us refer to them as.

My DD1 calls me Mama and DD2 calls me Mommy when I’ve only ever been referred to them as Mummy so it can go both ways.

Whilst I don’t particularly like the sound of Nonna and would find it a bit odd without any cultural link, it sounds nicer than Granny.

😂

On my side of the family we pass the names down the generations, which I like. So I had grandma (great grandmother) and Nanna (grandmother) when our first was born my mum became Nanna and my Nanna, Grandma. It was always going to be that way as it’s what I wanted and they did to. With my DH side, we were expecting the same time as his step sister (MIL is his Stepmum) so we let her (SIL) choose the name and just used the same so all children called her the same thing, worked well for us. To be honest the kids make up the names half the time anyway 🤣

In every other walk of life we are told people are allowed to choose what they are called so I don’t understand why people think it’s it’s the parents’ decision.
I do get that this may be mutated by a child being unable to pronounce the name but that is a different thing.

All these people saying no you don’t get a choice… really? It’s a term of reference, nothing more. You don’t need to control every aspect of every relationship your child has. Our parents chose their own names and for a while my dad was ‘Baggy’ because DD couldn’t say Gampie. All good, everyone’s happy.

or a while my dad was ‘Baggy’ because DD couldn’t say Gampie

I'm curious about how and why people end up with odd baby-talk names like Gampie or Bampie or Gan Gan.

Do you also have yooneek names for Mum and Dad?

Erm because kids when new to speaking, sometimes struggle, so do their best? It's like 1 + 1 stuff.

Sure, but we model the right way to say a word - that's how children learn to speak.

Babaies say Da Da because they can't say Dad, we as adults say "Yes, Dad's here" and kids learn how to say it. Why don't people do that with Granny or Grandad?

We have 4 sets of grandparents for our kids. So they are all different but chose their own. It's upto them really unless the kid chooses a nickname when they are older. One of ours is nonna and I think its really lovely. X