I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

Ít's inappropriate to talk about your sex life in front of your children.

It is not inappropriate to choose the name you want to be known by, possibly unless that chosen name is Supreme Empress.

I think people need to chill out.

One of my friends recently chose a traditional Japanese name for her DD. She is from the Dominican Republic and her husband is French. No connection to Japan at all. But it is a beautiful name and that is their gift to her.

Should I be calling this out for being inappropriate too???

My MIL was Nonna (and late FIL Nono) already when I married DH - due to older brother with DC. No Italian connection that I know of, although French speaking Egyptian, not English. I therefore think that Nonna must be used more widely than just Italy.

My DM didn't want to be Granny either, because my Granny (her mother) died less than a month after I had my first DC, and I think it felt like a usurpation. She therefore settled on Grandma (Nonna was out of the question, given my MIL).

But in answer to the question, I absolutely agree it should be your call. Yes how you parent the child is the responsibility of the parents, and the parents only, but that shouldn't give them the right to define who you are, even in relation to their children. They don't get to tell the teachers at nursery, no you can't be called Auntie (First name) but must be called Mrs (Surname) (Auntie (First name) was the rule in my DCs nursery, and I always found it a bit cutsy and weird, but the nursery had the right to decide that is what they wanted). I agree with you that it does seem controlling to foist on you a name you dislike and thereby attempt to make you into someone that you are not - whatever your reason for not wanting to be Granny. A name is about who you are, not about who the DC are. And just as it is inappropriate for a grandparent to try and insist on their favourite name for their grandchild, parents get naming rights of the DC, until the DC grow up, when they are fully entitled to change it by deed poll if that is what they want to do, it seems inappropriate for the parents to insist on their favourite name for the grandparents.

@tachetastic

I wouldn’t say people have strong views on this.

OP asked for peoples opinions on the matter.

Mine is that it’s a bit silly and verging on cultural appropriation so is inappropriate (and most people would think so).

Whenever the child is in school and speaks of their Nonna, the other kids will say “Oh! I didn’t know you were part Italian.” The child will say, I’m not, then the other kids think both Granny and child are idiotic.

It isn’t just about the OP in this case, it has implications for the child.

Nonna is beautifully for people of Italian origin.

Nana, Nanny, Granny, Grannie, Gran, Grandma all fine.

Part of my wishes that I'd gone for the Polish 'babcia'. My kids are 1/4 Polish so I might even have got away with it! I do have a keyring with babcia on it, which my daughter bought for me when we were visiting the family over there last summer.

You might find something totally different emerges! We called my grandad Pops for absolutely no reason that anyone could remember. It never occured to me to ask if it was his decision. It just... was.

Ultimately you'll need to go with what ends up coming naturally to the children - you're entitled to give a bit of a steer, I think, but you can't keep correcting them, and how likely they are to adopt a given term is obviously going to depend mostly on what their parents use, and you can only push that so hard before it becomes tense...

Do I think it's a bit odd to use an Italian term when you're not? Yes, but it's hardly the end of the world. It'll just mean you spend your life fielding questions about your hitherto unmentioned Italian heritage, but you may not mind that!

I think you can be called what you like as long as it isn’t the same as the other female grandparent. My MiL had 9 GC by the time our first was born so my mum choose Gran or as the kids said when they were young Gan! I always thought it was up to the GP tbh!

Also the relationship between GP and GC is far more important than what the GP is called!

Do you actually think that most children will even be aware that Nonna is an Italian expression? I think they will just accept that this is the term used by the DGC to refer to their, well, Nonna.

Kids tend to think about these things a lot less than the typical Mumsnetter.

There are no "implications" for the child.

Most kids barely refer to their grandparents at school from one month to the next.

@tachetastic yep teenagers will. And we all know how lovely they can be if somebody has anything about them making them slightly odd.

Do you even live in the 21st century?

Super ignorant about what cultural appropriation actually is.

I LOVE Nonna. It's really common in the States and it's so much nicer than Nana that sounds like Banana to me.

I actually think it's a bit odd NOT to ask your own parents what they would like to be called when they become Grandparents. That's the one decision Grandparents should actually be part of.

It's OP's first ever grandchild. We have a bit of breathing room before they are a teenager.

But I agree. Let's meet back here in twelve years to discuss.

You are the one who is going to be called by the name, so you get to choose. The other person/people who just might choose a name are the grandchildren. Your son, and those who think it should be his choice, are ridiculous.

40 something Nonna here. Was allowed to choose my preferred 'name'. Was to young to be called granny and there were already lots of nannys. No Italian link, just loved the name

I don’t think most UK teenagers would know that Nonna is Italian. Also, how would they know the heritage of all their friends’ grandparents?

I only found out recently that my aunts’ description of our shared ancestry was a load of bollocks. It turns out that we are neither Irish gypsies nor the descendants of a famous composer.

My strategy would be to go with whatever the parents want GC to call you. Then, when GC is talking, discuss with them what you would like to be called, and establish it as your 'special name' with them. Win win.

Do I think it's a bit odd to use an Italian term when you're not? Yes, but it's hardly the end of the world. It'll just mean you spend your life fielding questions about your hitherto unmentioned Italian heritage, but you may not mind that!

I don't agree. I have a friend who chose to be called Bella by her grandchildren, after a long dreamed of trip to Italy. It bears no relation whatsoever to her actual name, but people seem to just accept it without question.

Does this mean that nobody can be called Maria unless they have Italian parents???

I think we should be a bit more relaxed about the names people use, so long as they are not offensive.

I think you'll always respond to nonna, i haven't read the updates, but my mum never wanted to be called granny and she still responds to granny or gran now, they call dhs mum nanny. My mum wanted to be called like Karen so.kazza, or Sharon called shazza lol.

@Hoardasurass

it's got nothing to do with 'how he's raised'

its about what the OP is called & that's up to her. I expect the Son Is a hand puppet. DIL needs telling that she wishes to be known as Nonna, end of.

If Eddie gets to call himself Suzy, and we all have to use that name, I don't see why you can't insist on Nonna.

I disagree. Why shouldn't SHE choose what SHE wants to be known as?

it's no more 'a cutsie nickname the Nana or granny.

Exactly, though I would say that we don't have to use that name but we agree to out of respect. But yes. On the same page.

To be honest, the more this thread goes on the more I'm tempted to be called Nonna. Dad seems old hat.

All three of my kids grans informed me what they was going to be reffered too, it wasn't my choice (mum, mil, step mil). No one liked gran or granny.

All my kids call me mummy except my youngest who calls me mama. People should feel comfortable. Unlessyou want to be called mum, I can't see the problem. The child may choose what they call you.

I love Grandalf and Grumpa!