I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

My children’s grandparents choose what they wanted to be called. One choose Papa and that wouldn’t have been my choice, however it was his and therefore none of DH or I’s business!

The only Nonna’s I know are from Italian families.

@Moira1951 I have seen sons alienated from their mothers and entire families and friends by controlling wives-

It seems to be men whom were once very close to their mothers that are easily “Taken over” by a partner or wife.

It happened to Elton John’s mum, too, so clearly alienation isn’t just done by women.

On here it seems as if a lot of people dislike their MIL’s, too.

The women I know in this situation do find it incredibly painful.

^ I agree with you, I give them the choice. One wanted to be a grandma, the other a nanny.

What harm is there in letting the grandparents choose?! Jfc MN sometimes makes me question my own sanity.

Funny that people say they aren't going to trash all DiLs then write a massive screed describing the DiLs behaviour as fully immature, controlling, and jealous.

DH and I are both British but living in Italy. When our DC was born, my mum asked to be called Nonna (she's a bit obsessed with all things Italian). I still think it's a bit naff but can see the reasoning behind it, so we go along with it. If there's no Italian connection, I'd find it really odd and pretentious, though!

Surely grandparents get called what they want to be called? Obviously sometimes this changes as children can have other ideas and make up names/mispronounce and it sticks but I've never known parents to insist on what their parents are called.

I too would hate to be Granny or Grandma, I am Nanny, a name that I chose. I’m with you OP I think they should let you choose your name, but as you say probably best to go with the flow or you’ll be in trouble!
You only have to read the MIL posts on here to realise that most DIL mistakenly think we MIL are an alien species whose only mission in life is to steal our sons back. My only consolation is that they too will be MIL one day and I truly hope they get the same treatment that they have given out.

I don't think its unreasonable to get to choose your preferred name.
My mum refuses granny, so my DS calls her nana.

My mil is italian and asked for nonna.
They're both very similar but my son can understand the difference and knows who we're talking about if one comes to visit.

That’s really not an OK thing to say - about a perfectly reasonable word in another language

In my post I mentioned they are often jealous of each other which interferes with what could be and often is a wonderful mutually respectful relationship. It goes without saying as a wife we expect to come first but the saying 'A sons a son until he finds a wife, a daughters a daughter the rest of her life is absolute nonsense. MY DH & children come first in my life, my mother accepts it & for the record I love my mil too she's an absolute gem.

Going against the grain here, but I think you definitely should have a say in what YOU will be called. My mum preferred 'Nanna' so that is what all of her grandkids call her. It really wasn't a big deal. What I find odd is your son forcing a title onto you that you aren't comfortable with. It's like giving someone a nickname they don't like then expecting them to respond to it when addressed.
I can't imagine any of my siblings taking a 'that's what we are calling you, like it or not' attitude, just seems arrogant to me.

as someone pointed out Nonna is becoming as British in our multicultural society as Pasta

Well it isn't though it is. If you threw it to conversation "My Nonna says..." judging by this thread a lot of people will go/think "Oh I didn't know your family was Italian".

If you eat pasta.... nothing happens.

and also it's sounds like you don't like DIL

Agree. Also, the words are poles apart, both in spelling and pronunciation.

Some people have some very fucked up thinking.

My children have a Nana and a Nanny.
My mother does have Italian heritage so it would be more acceptable for her to be Nonna, but to be honest, the children just called them what they called them and it stuck.
Both my mum and my husbands mum would have hated grandma and so we never even contemplated calling them by that. I even avoid grandma cards.
When I become a grandmother, I think I’ll be a nana.

I wanted to be called Gran but overbearing SIL insisted on Nanny which I dislike. Grandchild has shortened it to Nan which I don't mind as much . I agree with you the person on the receiving end of the name should get to choose but as someone else has pointed out, the child often comes up with their own name regardless

Your SIL insisted? So your brothers wife or husbands brothers wife? Christ, I'd be telling her to get to fuck. What did what your grandkids call you have to do with her? I'm flabbergasted.

We gave the grandparents a choice, ultimately my daughter decided for herself what she wants to call them at the age of 1 ! We have two gaga's, a nana and a kenny !

🤣 I meant son in law rather that sister in law

Has Meemaw been suggested yet? Admittedly it does work best if your grandkids have names like Peggy-Sue and Billy-Joe and you use words like 'varmint' a lot in day-to-day life.

Weird. Why not just ask if they can call you by your first name - which IS your name? It's unconventional for a grandparent, but I think it's less peculiar than picking a random title that comes from a different language and culture and thinking it sounds cute or nicer than 'granny'!

I'm not going to shout 'cultural appropriation' because that phrase has had its day but yeah, that's sort of what you're doing here.

(does this come down to a feeling that you think 'grannies' look a certain way, or are a certain age? If so, get over it and be the granny YOU want to be!)

I mean DIL might be the "problem".

I'm sure that that is what my MIL tells herself & others.

As it is my husband finds his parents hard work & sees them as little as possible.

As I've said on another thread, the tightrope that many grandparents have to walk is like the finest silk thread.

You have to love your grandchildren, but not too much
Care about them, but not so much that you actually ask to see anything of them.
Be available when needed, but otherwise be invisible

Never have an opinion (or anything that sounds it might be one).
Never have a feeling or preference of your own (while accepting every preference that your child and their spouse might have)...

...I could go on forever.

I'm so lucky in my daughter and son in law, who see me as a person in my own right. Who don't impose anything on me, who appreciate everything I do for them, who love the relationship that their children have with me as much as I do, and who respect my own feelings and that I also have a life and personality of my own.

I really do feel for the mums and MILs of some of the people on this thread. They clearly can't do right for doing wrong, and have to just sit on the shelf until required.

I’m really surprised by some of these responses. Why wouldn’t you ask your parents what they’d like to be known as, rather than imposing a name on them that they might dislike? It’s a bit like meeting your new colleague, Libby, and saying. “I don’t like Libby as a nickname for Elizabeth. I shall call you Beth instead.”

I suppose if the PILs became grandparents first and were already known as, say, “Grandma and Grandpa”, then you might prefer your own parents to choose something different. But even that isn’t a major issue, I grew up calling both of my grandmothers “Grandma” and just added their surname if I wanted to be specific.

My hypothetical grandchildren could call me whatever they want, does this really matter?
Just be grateful that you have involved and interested grandparents, and those grandparents should be happy to be blessed to have grandchildren!

Oh God. That's on me. Haha. I don't have husbands, brothers, son in laws or sister in laws so I've obviously gotten totally confused with the hierarchy (and double meaning abbreviation) there 😆