I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

It's always been Granny in my family until my daughter who decided her granny was Nanny. So there might be a strong willed child that goes their own way 😀

You don’t have to!

"Whatever The name, how lovely to have a grandchild"

^This!!

Many grandparents are denied a relationship with their grandchildren. Call yourself Granny and just enjoy the relationship.

I asked my parents what they wanted to be called, because it's them that has to hear it repeated - a lot! The only parameter for us was that my in-laws were already grandparents to my DC's cousins so it made sense to choose something different to their monikers (which my parents were already mindful of and had taken into account).

Baffled by the posters saying that it's controlling for you to come up with a name you'd love - but it's somehow not controlling for your son to tell you what you'll be called, potentially for years on end?!

I don't entirely agree actually.

If she just wants to be called a certain thing because it's cutesy and adorable to imagine a little child saying that, then to be honest, it's ridiculous.

Just choose between the many actual names for grandmothers that we already have - nana/nanny/granny/grandma. Why do people feel the need to make up random words instead? What if she wanted to be called NooNoo? Or Babamamagaga?

And when the child becomes a teenager/ adult and that's how they know their grandma, it becomes less cute and just cringey.

I think you get a say, but not to decide it you see what I mean?

so it’s fine to say ‘i don’t like granny, can we find something else please’

ans then make suggestions. But equally your son / DIL maybe don’t like Nonna, and they are entitled to say so and find something else.

my MIL wanted to be Mami (she’s french, it’s the standard version of granny in french). However the way it’s said in french is close but not the same as Mummy in English.

she cannot hear the difference. So when our 18 month old ran around saying Mummy, I want Mummy, MIL though DC was asking for her and would try to stop them coming and finding me.

it didn’t work. So she’s Grand-mere so everyone is clear

I asked the grandparents what they wanted to be called and most of them were happy for it to happen organically. There are more than 4 grandparents due to divorces remarriages etc. so it’s a bit more complicated. One couple wanted names which are really “out there” which makes people go… “what…..? Please repeat? What does that mean?” And they decided against when they saw that I wasn’t overly keen. I couldn’t see myself ever using those names myself as it felt silly, pretentious and forced and quite honestly a bit embarrassing. We settled for something in between. I don’t know what’s wrong with nana, gran or granny ‘x’ personally. It doesn’t have to be so fancy and complicated.

I became a nanny in my early 40s!!!! I was stuck for ages thinking of a name to be called. All my gps were nanny or pap and I just ended up being called nannny. My dh thought is now called Gandy as my dgs couldn't say grandad for ages so his way of Gandy stuck. I'm quite jealous would have loved a unique title but I just love the bones off him anyway so what does it matter x

We gave both of our mums the choice. My MIL was already Granny to BIL’s child so that continued and my mum chose Grandma. It’s easier with 2 different titles as we just refer to them as Granny and Grandma without the need to add their names, but we would’ve if they’d chosen the same title. Mine are my mum’s only grandchildren and she was so chuffed to finally be a grandparent, I think choosing how you are referred to is part of the experience. Hope you get it sorted.

OP, you sound really unhappy and if your relationship with your son feels less close and they are also moving physically further away with the new baby, I can understand why. Are they moving closer to your DILs family?

The name thing is unimportant. Whether the baby calls you Nonna or Godzilla the Terrible isn't important and I'd actively avoid any unnecessary points of potential conflict. I know you say you've tried hard to work on a relationship with your DIL but now isn't the time to give up. I'd keep up with the invites, keep asking if there's anything they need/you can do (and follow to the letter, even if they want the baby dressed from head to foot in Dayglo Orange) and when they move, make yourself available for visits. Don't stay with them, but nearby and look for ways of helping that don't involve hogging the baby. If they do stuff as parents that you wouldn't, don't say anything. Smile.

I can't guarantee this will work but you get the drift? Things can change for the better as well as the worse so hold on.

I think it's fair for the grand parent to have some say of course but with the parents having a say too. A lot of people have associations with certain names both good and bad. My MIL wanted to be grannie as her own mother was strict on wanting grandma as she thought granny was "too old" and her own mither in law went by granny and was always incredibly warm with her kids, so she associated that with the kind of gran she wanted to be (and is).
My own mum didn't have this as er have set names depending on what side you are so she is mormor (mummum as it is the mums mum).

But aye long way to say should be q conversation both ways if there are preferences.

Baffled by the posters saying that it's controlling for you to come up with a name you'd love - but it's somehow not controlling for your son to tell you what you'll be called, potentially for years on end?!

Exactly. The hypocrisy on this thread is really strange.

It's really not about you, honestly. Insist and you will cause a rift. Is it really that important ???

@Moira1951 if your dgc is miles away then post little cards, letters and occassionally small gifts, socks or a book.
Dc love post and you'll be really popular if you're the one that does this.

It's not. There's a big difference (for Italians) in the pronunciation of Nana and nonna. The double letters together can completely change the meaning of a word.

Your son, DIL, and future grandchild will be moving away in the near future and you have suggested, in snippets, that your relationship has become distant over the years and that it is relatively non-existent with your DIL..

Honestly, that should be your main focus i.e. repairing and strengthening your bond before they leave not harping on about a name. Doesn't matter if you are called Nonna, Lizzo, Hobo, or Bozo - this is not a rock you should choose to perish on and it won't matter a tosh if your grandchild isn't there often enough to say it to you.

Focus on what is really important here... the future relationship with your grandchild and his parents.

My daughter used a strange made up word for my dad as she couldnt say grandad. And it became the default name for him for all successive grandchildren, and now often us siblings too.

Thank you so much for your help, reading is a real struggle for me, I did manage to toil through your whole post nonetheless.

And the fact remains I disagree with the sentence I quoted.

Obviously a baby won’t call OP anything so at that point she’s still mum.

Nonsense! It's in effect, going to be the OP's name!

I love Nana. I called my Grandmother this, other Grandchildren called her Grannie, she didn't mind either way. Nana is actually a girls name in some countries.

Seizing control! Hardly. Poor woman doesn’t want to stuck with the ‘granny’ label and I agree.

She’s the one who’s going to listen to it so of course she should choose it.

If her son doesn’t like it she can start calling him sonny.

Incidentally I called my grandmother by her name, and my son, but not my daughter, has always called me by my name. and his paternal grandparents by their names. I guess he just picked up what other people called them. He calls my mum Granny

You’re welcome 🙃

<snorts>

I asked my Mum what she wanted to be called when I had my DC and went with that. I'm with you surely you get a choice in what your name is?! It's not as if you've asked to be called twatflaps.