I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

Then that's just weird IMO

Why would the parents want their child to call you by a name for Nana in a different language?! Bizarre

Well you now how things get anglicised? They start using them.

You now know my mother. And possibly the OP.

It is controlling. Put your foot down OP!

My mil wanted to be called Oma because she is Dutch.

We respect that because it is up to her what she is called!

Imagine of our kids started doing this to us, "your name is Pamela, not mummy and it isn't up to you!"

She doesn't seem to want to expand further on that, so I'm not sure why she's included it.

I became a grandmother last year, and my son and DIL let me choose what I want to be called, but if they hadn't been happy with what I chose (Granny), then I would have chosen something different.

When I had my dses, my mum refused point blank to be called Nana - which was what we had called her mum, but my mum had always hated. I loved the title Nana - because it was associated with my lovely grandmother - but I respected my mum's view on this, and was happy for her to be grandma.

I do think that Nonna is nice, @Moira1951, though I do associate it with Italian grandmothers, and I understand why you are disappointed not to be able to use it - but in the long run, the pleasure of being a grandmother will vastly outweigh any disappointment at not being Nonna, I promise.

BTW I don’t overstep, I hardly see them, not even once a month! I only ever see DIL with my son despite trying to cultivate a relationship with her. She’s not interested, but polite. I don’t have a daughter, I’d love to have her as a friend but after seven years I can see it won’t happen. Often when I do see them, it’s because I’ve suggested a pub lunch or invited them over. I’m a widow and would love to see them more!

Always makes me think of a vulva for some reason!

Wanting to be called “Nonna” is hardly learning another language is it 😂

The OP even admitted she didn’t know it was the Italian word for Grandmother.

We had Amma in my neck of the woods which I believe could be the Viking heritage here, but I'd think it a bit daft to be Nonna with no Italian connection.

I find it odd, myself and other people I know asked the grandparents what they would like to be known as.

but I also find it odd when people insist they can’t be the same (e.g. 2 grandmas). There was a story on Reddit where a child had 8 grandparents and the mother was annoyed that 2 of them wanted to be called the same thing.

My son has a Nanny and Grandad, and a Grandma and Grandad. All 4 grandparents picked their preferred name.

That said. Is it a hill you are willing to die on? Maybe find out why your son feels so strongly about it. Could his other grandmother be granny? Did she get to choose?

I cannot fathom telling another adult what to call themselves. I have known a few grandmothers who ended up with nicknames that their gc gave them but I think your ds is over stepping.

Exactly. See also Chantelle, Siobhan, Hansel, Ezra, Marisa, Ingrid, Niles, Isabella etc etc etc. LOADS of parents give their child non UK names, when they have NO connection to the country the name originated from! (And yes I do know a the young people (under 30) with all of those names.

@Moira1951 I mean this with absolute kindness and gentleness- have you told them how you feel with regards to you'd love to see them more and develop a relationship with them both? I wonder if there's an element of standoffishness on either (or possibly both) sides because of miscommunication somewhere along the line. I hope this new baby can bring you all back together over time. Perhaps this is an opportunity to begin those conversations and start making time together. But tread carefully or it may come across as woe is me which is not the message you're trying to get across. Wishing you the best OP, truly.

What about being called " lovey " instead?

Works for Kris Jenner? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

No she didn’t.

I’m not here to write a family history so I won’t be elaborating, but friends know, and think it’s very unfair. Anyway my purpose was to get tge viewpoint of others and it seems 50/50 on what I should be called. I will compromise as I always do, resolution and solution!

Nana is pronounced nan na(h if you must), I have no idea where nah nah comes into it?!

I asked my parents (first time grandparents 🥹) what they wanted to be called, English Grandma, Nan, Grandad or their native language equivalent, it’s up to them 💖

Surely it's her own name
Though! She's allowed some say?!

Gently OP, their friends probably know also and side with them. There will be three sides to this story, with the facts lying somewhere in the middle.

Anyway, I hope this is resolved soon, and that you can get your relationship back on track.

I can see why this is a bit irritating but given the resentful tone of your posts, and the fact it’s clear there’s other issues at play here, this simply isn’t a hill I’d choose to die upon. Ultimately it’ll be up to your son and his wife anyway as they’ll do the referring-to (let’s go to granny’s, oh look there’s granny, etc) so this isn’t a battle you can win, frankly. Names tend to evolve naturally anyway, once baby is here. My MIL started off as Nana (which to be fair, she chose. I asked them all what they wanted to be known as), which my son has changed (by himself) to Nannie, then Nan-nan and I expect it’ll change again in time.

This sounds such a shame. I know you've said that your son has his pressures, and I think it does happen in life that people get married and become 'too busy' with work etc. I can't imagine not seeing my Mum most days, I don't know if it's more of a son thing.

As a PP has just said, I hope the new baby can help bring you all together.

Nonna with no Italian connection is pretentious imo. What did you call your grandparents? What do your dc call theirs?

My mum is Nonna but she is half Italian. I think it’s really odd if you have no Italian connection sorry!
But yes agree it’s up to you what they call you

Nah nah is the dog in Peter Pan... But I agree, definitely Nan-eh.