I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

I don't think I would have let my mum use nonna if she wasn't Italian. But she had the choice of nan, nanny, gran, granny, nanna or grandma. Any of those you should be able to choose from but nonna is a bit random for a non-Italian family.

In the end it will be up to the kids. My dad has three sets of grandkids and they all call him something different .

Unless you're Italian, or the child is Italian, calling yourself Nonna is pretentious.

It’s completely different- nonna is a generic familial term, not a name. Which is Italian! No way would I want a child of mine running round a village hall in Bedford or somewhere shouting nonna when none of us have any Italian connections.

Plus most of the names you mention are now completely anglicised and have been for some time- for what it’s worth though I feel the same about Gaelic Irish names (like Aine, or Aoife) being used when the family is not Irish nor has no Irish connection- especially in England where no one knows how to say them.

I thought it was normal for grandparents to pick what they wanted to be known as?

Not in my family - I suppose it may vary but names evolved often same names between cousins despite there being little contact between said cousins - based on previous family names used by parents or GP for their grandparents.

I personally think 'Nonna' is a bit cringe if you're not Italian but each to their own. I also think it's ridiculous that people think the parents get to decide what you have to call yourself as a grandparent!

I think it's really odd, and quite unpleasant, to encourage your kids to call a grandparent by a name that you know the grandparent actually hates! My grandmothers wouldn't have liked to be called Granny or Grandma - it's just not what grandmothers have ever been called in either of their families, and it would have felt weird to them to be called that.

Your son should be grateful that you're not like my friend's dad. When she was pregnant, she made some reference to her parents becoming 'Grandma and Grandad' and he said 'Hmmm, I don't think I actually like the name Grandad'. So she asked him what he'd prefer, thinking he'd say Grandpa or Pops or something, and he thought for a bit and said 'Just Tony.'

I have 2 questions here-

Why OP being called Nonna is offensive to Italians? It is so similar to nanna. I could understand if OP wanted a completely different term but what cultural appropriation is happening here when British never subjugated Italians? In fact, Romans did.

Second question is for Op, what is the issue with the term granny? Is it age related?

I think both sides need to think why they are being so rigid in their thinking.

I know in India a lot of parents in 1980s gave their kids non Indian names - Natasha, Nikita, Anushka, Monica. Would you call that cultural appropriation too? What about a non Indian calling their daughter India?

I asked the grandparents what they wanted to be called (both of my parents have remarried, one more recently than the other so wanted to check what they preferred) but I knew it was likely to be nanny/grandad x because no grandparent on either side of my family has ever been anything different. The DC developed their own nicknames to tag on to the nanny/grandad bit after a time. I'm surprised so many people have said it's up to the parents only! The only thing I was adamant about choosing was the spelling of mommy for me as DH family and mine use different forms

Doesn't matter a monkey's if you're Italian or not. I think you have the right to choose whatever you want to be called and your son needs to respect that.

Haha your son sounds like my brother.

i was first out of my siblings to have children and my mum said she wanted to use the name for grandmother in line with her heritage, I was more than happy to oblige and my kids have always known her by this name.

Fast forward 5 years and my brother has his first child and starts to refer to our mum as ‘grandma’, he has been corrected countless times but keeps trying it on 🙄

Well for a start nobody in Bedford village hall is that likely to know what your heritage may be and I can’t imagine I’d even notice a child calling out Nonna instead of Nanna! A bit ridiculous especially in multicultural Britain. Who cares!

What utter nonsense! They’re not going to lose contact over a name.

OP hasn’t said they’ve lost closeness over this particular issue.

Are women so in deference and fear of their sons that they insist on silent submission?

I thought it was normal for grandparents to pick what they wanted to be known as?

We certainly asked if my parents and grandparents had a preference. I know my MIL hadn't wanted to be called 'granny' either - I recall having a conversation with her about it before DS was born, but sadly we never did find out what she wanted to be called as she passed away.

It would be strange to ask to be called 'nonna'; to me, it's like asking to be called 'abuela' despite not being from a spanish-speaking country.

Aria Is not a name it’s a type of song! Mia is not a name it means my!

Your social inhibitions are no-one else’s problem.

They could always call you Moira.

Of course it's up to you what you are called!! It's the one thing that is up to the grandparent concerned! Of course your grandchild may have other ideas as they get older but initially you decide how you are referred to. Anything else would be ludicrous!

You may not like "granny" or "grandmother" or "nan" for good reasons. It would be awful if someone insisted on calling you something you didn't like. If someone liked to be called "Liz" because they hated "Elizabeth" you wouldn't insist on calling them the latter. It would be extremely rude!

I'm a relatively young grandparent and didn't want to be granny/grandma. So I picked nanny, but changed to nana, as MIL keeps calling herself nanny to dgd, even though she is great nanny (she is nanny to my DC, I'm not sure great nanny sounds right either). I'm still not 100% settled on nana tbh, so think I'll wait and see what dgd calls me.

I don't think it's up to the parents to choose. Luckily the other grandparents are from another country, do have their version of grandma/grandad, so we can all be different.

I’m grandma and have been since I became a grandparent at 40. Wouldn’t have been my choice of name but never questioned it, I don’t think it’s up to me to do so.

Thank goodness my daughter (like all my friends' offsprings) asked me what I'd like to be called.

The person who's going to be addressed with that name for the rest of their life, should surely have a say on what that name is?

Just as people in here have sentimental reasons for liking a particular grandparent name, others have bad memories or associations. Had my daughter insisted on me being called granny, I'd have been very very upset. My memories of someone called granny are terrible

Weird unless you are Italian.

My MIL wanted to be called Nanou, no French connection, she just, like you, thought it sounded nicer.

My dad also got upset as we hadn’t asked him what he wanted to be called.

I found the whole thing baffling to be honest. My kids call all their grandparents either Nanna or Grandad.

It’s what we used to call our grandparents and it’s just stuck.

My MIL tried for years to correct our kids but they just giggled and though she was being silly until she finally just gave up.

You can try and insist all you want but you can’t control how they refer to you when you’re out of earshot so I’d just let it go.

I don't really get your sons issue to be honest but saying that one of my child's nans wanted to be called nanna but he calls her nanny and calls the others that regardless of what they want. He does differentiate by something he associates with them so it's nanny x or nanny y. Just kind of happened on it's own so regardless of what they or you want your grandchild might determine their own name for you

Village halls in Bedford sound judgy, I’d avoid!!

No one in London or another city would bat an eyelid. In fact they’d probably just assume it’s a cute variation on Nanna. If you’re THAT worried about appearing too different like some of these people clearly seem to be

I feel the same and I am granny to my GC. If they remember me as I remember my grannies I would be very proud.

I'm sure I've heard Prince William and Prince Harry refer to the late Queen as granny so if it's good enough for her........

I mean in a birthday party type situation so people likely would know your heritage. And I can just imagine the tedious questions every blinking time, “oh heronwatcher I didn’t know you/ your DH have Italian heritage” no I don’t etc etc. And I would definitely tell the difference between Nanna and Nonna once the child is over about 4. Plus if they are that similar why not just suggest Nanna in the first place!

I think your idea of Nanna as a compromise is good- because whatever you think your DS and his partner will have to use the term too, and if they are not happy with it I don’t think you should force the issue.