Judgy comments about C-section

heyduggee12345 · 2024-01-22T20:06:47+00:00

Did anybody else experience judgemental comments from friends/family when they told them that you'd opted for a c section? I had many complications with my first birth which was to be quite honest traumatic and ended up in an EMCS. I guess I could try for a VBAC but I'm terrified it will end in another emergency. I don't think I am being unreasonable for wanting/hoping for a more calm experience this time. But family & friends have been so judgy when I've mentioned. It's making me question my decision and I'm having to justify myself everytime when people are asking the reasons why. Even the midwife told me today the consultant will likely try to push me for a VBAC. Why is this?

Viewfrommyhouse · 22/01/2024 20:08

Don't discuss it with anybody if you don't want other people's opinions on it. It's a perfectly valid choice for you to make!

LadyCrazyCatLady · 22/01/2024 20:10

The consultant should not try to push you for a VBAC. They should inform you of the risks and benefits of each option, offer time for you to consider your options and then respect your decision with no judgement either way.

People are judge about all aspects of parenting from the moment the sperm hits the egg, try to blank them out and make the right decision for you.

User79853257976 · 22/01/2024 20:10

What have people said?

Original poster

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:11

LadyCrazyCatLady · 22/01/2024 20:10

The consultant should not try to push you for a VBAC. They should inform you of the risks and benefits of each option, offer time for you to consider your options and then respect your decision with no judgement either way.

People are judge about all aspects of parenting from the moment the sperm hits the egg, try to blank them out and make the right decision for you.

Not sure if you would know, but my appointment with the consultant is next week. I will be asking for an ELCS, will they book it in on that date or am I likely going to have go away to think about it and come back?

OP posts:

janeintheframe · 22/01/2024 20:11

What have they said? I find that really odd.

Original poster

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:12

User79853257976 · 22/01/2024 20:10

What have people said?

Just mostly asking why, am I thinking about what's best for the baby, why don't I try to go in labour naturally on my own as it would be better etc etc. I'm having to justify myself everytime and I'm getting sick of it

OP posts:

Username9917 · 22/01/2024 20:13

Omg they can all piss off!!! Not their uterus? No bloody opinion then!! My first ended in an EMCS, my child suffered a horrific birth injury and now has a lifelong condition as a result. I am not even contemplating a VBAC for my next child (if I ever fall pregnant...) and I'm almost willing people/ doctors to come for me about it as I will annihilate them!!

Phew sorry, these emotions sit close to the surface! But you are not wrong or overly sensitive, people are being rude and need to back off!

theduchessofspork · 22/01/2024 20:14

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:12

Just mostly asking why, am I thinking about what's best for the baby, why don't I try to go in labour naturally on my own as it would be better etc etc. I'm having to justify myself everytime and I'm getting sick of it

Show quote history

That’s a really odd response. It makes no difference to the baby.

I’d just stop talking to them about it. They are peculiar

hulahoopqueen · 22/01/2024 20:14

I had an EMCS with my first, and if I'm ever lucky enough to be in a position to give it a second go I'll be going elective CS without hesitation. Anyone offering unsolicited opinions about that will be none so gently invited to fuck off.
I wish you a positive and smooth birth experience with a happy healthy baby OP.

Zaranj · 22/01/2024 20:14

A few, despite having a niece with CP as a result of a natural birth that went wrong at a midwife-led unit.

OP, do what is best and safest for you both. If this is a CS stick with it.

Notreallyhappy · 22/01/2024 20:14

It's nothing to do with anyone else. Speak to the professionals. Do what's best for you. Plan the birth, get house ready, with freezer.meals and ignore anyone else.

Runnerinthenight · 22/01/2024 20:14

Don't discuss it with anyone else. None of their business.

My first baby was a c/s and I never for a millisecond even considered a VBAC. Just as well, as one of the reasons for the first one was my small pelvis/big baby, plus failed induction - and the second one was nearly 1lb bigger!

Original poster

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:15

It's like they are trying to persuade me not to have one. But why wouldn't I after a traumatic birth which they already know about? I don't see the point of risking that happening again. It makes sense to me to have it planned and know exactly what to expect.

OP posts:

GaroTheMushroom · 22/01/2024 20:15

Erm really no? I had an emcs and no one assumed I would try again for a Vbac? The only person I found slightly judgey was the MW

0rangeCrush · 22/01/2024 20:15

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:11

Not sure if you would know, but my appointment with the consultant is next week. I will be asking for an ELCS, will they book it in on that date or am I likely going to have go away to think about it and come back?

Show quote history

Depends where you are.

I signed consents there and then; then 10 days before my scheduled date (which was at 39+0) they called me to book me in formally and give me a time etc.

Original poster

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:16

GaroTheMushroom · 22/01/2024 20:15

Erm really no? I had an emcs and no one assumed I would try again for a Vbac? The only person I found slightly judgey was the MW

Yes I've also found that MW have been pushing me for a VBAC. Really annoying!

OP posts:

Janedoelondon · 22/01/2024 20:16

Yes yes yes 1000000 times over!!!

I am absolutely sick of it. The strange sympathetic looks you get "oh, why are you having a c-section?' You wouldn't ask a woman having a "natural" (vaginal) birth why she was having one would you, yet nearly 30 percent of births are by c-section!

And then the comments too. "Oh be prepared it can be painful...." "I know my friend found the recovery really hard....". Shut up, I had one for my first and I know what it entails!

Add into the discussions you aren't breastfeeding and it is judgement overload

Alwaystired2023 · 22/01/2024 20:18

Oh gosh OP that sounds really annoying and bizarre, why do these people care so much how your baby arrives?! Agree maybe try not to mention to them or find some sort of phrase to shut them down like 'please fuck off'

Trying2bemum · 22/01/2024 20:18

I had an elective section a year ago, after having an emergency section with my first.

No judgy comments here. No one else’s sodding business quite frankly.

Be firm with consultant if that’s what you want.

The recovery from section is tough but you know that already. Elective was a positive experience for me. Would do that again no qualms. No longer interested in vaginal birth!

TeenLifeMum · 22/01/2024 20:20

I had a traumatic birth with dd1 (largely due to poor care) and as a result I had a consultant appointment to agree to C-section before I even got pregnant again. All fine.

late in pregnancy we had a group tour of Labour ward and I’d mentioned to the midwife I was having an elective C-section. During the tour the mw said “right, I’ll show you theatre for our elective C-section mum and others if you who might end up there as birth isn’t always perfectly planned.” There were audible gasps and mutters about my elective C-section (which I found interesting but I thought I was being over sensitive until dh commented on it). Dh was shocked at the behaviour. I told him “mums are the worst at judging other mums!”

I wanted to yell “dd1 tore her way out at breakneck speed during her birth with no pain relief due to mw fuck up, leaving me with 38 stitches and a room looking like a scene from kill bill… good luck with the hypnobirthing!” Actually, mw clearly read the room and looked pissed off on my behalf and gave everyone a lecture about no birth being better than another, baby safe and mum safe will always be the priorities. She then referred to me as her twin mum and the mood massively changed. I was having twins but that’s not why I was having a C-section. Apparently C-section for twins is acceptable though. 🙄

Payakan · 22/01/2024 20:20

Ignore everyone. You don't have to give details or explain your reasons.
Or it you really must, just say, "last time went bad, this time I want to be in control" .

Hall84 · 22/01/2024 20:20

I ended up with emergency section with DD. If I had a second then it would be elective. Go armed with the NICE guidelines, which include maternal request. Ask them to explain the risk of scar rupture and then politely refer back to point one. Its a risk you aren't prepared to take.

TeenLifeMum · 22/01/2024 20:21

I’ll add my C-section was a dream to recover from compared to the vaginal birth.

Original poster

heyduggee12345 · 22/01/2024 20:21

Trying2bemum · 22/01/2024 20:18

I had an elective section a year ago, after having an emergency section with my first.

No judgy comments here. No one else’s sodding business quite frankly.

Be firm with consultant if that’s what you want.

The recovery from section is tough but you know that already. Elective was a positive experience for me. Would do that again no qualms. No longer interested in vaginal birth!

Did you find the recovery with your second better or worse?

OP posts:

Tinkerbyebye · 22/01/2024 20:21

Just don’t tell anyone, discuss it with your consultant and if necessary push for it

dont tell anyone the date and just crack on