Judgy comments about C-section

[heyduggee12345]

Did anybody else experience judgemental comments from friends/family when they told them that you'd opted for a c section?

I had many complications with my first birth which was to be quite honest traumatic and ended up in an EMCS. I guess I could try for a VBAC but I'm terrified it will end in another emergency.

I don't think I am being unreasonable for wanting/hoping for a more calm experience this time. But family & friends have been so judgy when I've mentioned.

It's making me question my decision and I'm having to justify myself everytime when people are asking the reasons why. Even the midwife told me today the consultant will likely try to push me for a VBAC.

Why is this?

I'm having an elective after an EMCS last time and everyone always asks me why...

I had a consultant appointment last week and my consultant said there was risks with a VBAC and she was more than happy to book me in for an elective and told me the risks etc. itl be week 39 and I'm find out the date the week before

EMCS with first so you can bet your arse it was elective Cs with second and third. Tell people to fuck off. Your body your baby your choice

My mw has also been very supportive as well. I've not had anything negative from heath professionals

Bollocks to them and their judging OP. The only member of this household who was not born by emergency C section is the dog. All 5 humans here came into the world that way. Not sure any of us would have been here otherwise.

Your body, your decision. I had one of each and frankly much preferred the C section recovery despite having a small baby and easy natural birth with the first. It is no one's business but yours. You are still birthing a baby. Just tell them "i'm making the best decisions for myself and my baby. My uterus, my choice.".

I'm booked in for a section with my first as they need to come early and I have refused induction. My body, my choice.

Anyone comments they will be told the same!

Yes. I had a maternal request C-section with no medical indication. That really gets people in a rage 😂

Just ignore them and do what's best for you 🙂

No one ever has given me any judge comments on either of my sections - but I also did t discuss birth plans with anyone but DH.
just stop telling people…

I've had an EMCS with my first and elective with my second, tbh no one ever commented on my choices. Not sure if it's a trust/regional thing maybe?
The closest I had to a 'judgment' was that I felt people didn't like me talking about it during pregnancy yoga, no one said anything but they seemed uncomfortable about it (a big part of the class was preparing for labour).

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Don't even discuss it. It's your body and your choice. If you want a c section you don't have to justify it to anyone. And that's exactly how it should be.

A lot better.

first time around was after x4 days involving a failed induction, manually broken waters and syntocin drip, epidural then failed forceps delivery. When they finally did the section I lost 1.5L of blood and baby was distressed / not breathing well. Looking back it was quite traumatic but I was so happy
to finally be a mum I didn’t care (years of infertility and ivf). I ended up being readmitted a week later because of the big blood loss.

Elective section was so different - just chalk and cheese. The team were so relaxed. I was more nervous weirdly - first time around it was an emergency and I didn’t have time to think about it. Second time I was waiting quietly to be taken through and had time to feel nervous.

Recovery in short was much better and felt quicker second time around. But I’d say that was probably mostly because of the haemorrhage first time.

If it’s people close to the baby eg grandparents, I’d rehearse a few choice phrases about not having visitors after the birth who can’t be supportive now.

Push back hard now. I had the mw chat about how if we had a third they’d be keen for me to have a VBAC. The more I think about it now, the worse it sounds.

I’ve done it both ways - pros and cons to both. Recovery from the cS was straightforward - and better than my second degree tear from DC1.

Who cares? Labour is rubbish, I’d have loved a planned c-section, instead I got piles from pushing!

I chose to have my second DC by C-Sec as my first was emergency C-sec and left me a bit traumatised! I actually checked with my GP if I could choose this and he was lovely and said if a consultant refused me, he’d find one that would. Friends and fam were fine.
When I went into hospital for the C-Sec the midwife in charge was sorting beds and someone gestured to me and said, C-Sec to her. The midwife looked me up and down and said very unpleasantly “Why are YOU having a C-Sec?”
Totally threw me and upset me. I just mumbled something like “I wanted to have one” but felt sooo terrible! It was 25 years ago but remember the moment well!

Why are they assuming a natural would be better for the baby? It wasn't last time - what was safest was getting the baby out in the quickest way possible (I assume), which was a emcs. Also, what's safest for baby is a not stressed mum in the last couple of months...

If it helps, I had a emcs with baby #1. Second time round, midwife referred me to a consultant who was elective cs friendly so I have no issues getting booked in for one. Was undecided, so booked in for 41 weeks and decided to let Mother Nature take over before then to make decision for me. Went into labour naturally at 38 weeks. Was offered cs on arrival if I wanted one as that's what I was down for. Decided to give it a go as aim was to get home asap. Babys shoulder got stuck. 3rd degree tear and surgery to repair. Ended up staying in 2 nights anyway and was surrounded on the ward by women having elective cs's who breezed in and out (comparatively obvs - still major surgery of course, but all very calm - met surgeon beforehand etc, no sleep deprivation before surgery from hours of labour).

I'm not having a third, but if I did, it would be elective cs 😂

Your birth your choice. It's no one's business but yours and the medical advice you have. Vbirth was easy and simple for me but had friends who suffered. Same with a c section I've had friends who had good and bad experiences.... You known you and your medical history and your doctor knows you....do what's best for you and baby x

I had 4 C-sections in 6 years, and I understand. PFB was an ECS and I had a lot of 'oh, what a shame, you didn't get to give birth properly...' comments and looks. Quite frankly, I laboured for 36 hours and it wasn't something I was keen to repeat.

DC2 was delivered 14 months later so there was never a question of anything other than another C-section, and then I was told once you have had 2, there is no chance the doctors would risk attempting a vaginal birth.

I recovered fine after each delivery, I asked for help (with your first child to look after, you can forget about things. Don't go picking them up after surgery!), I rested and I took it easy. My mum was amazing, and came to stay for a couple of weeks each time.

Ignore the nosy and stupid people. Those who are genuinely curious and can ask a question without the head tilt or pity look would usually get an honest answer from me.

People just like to have opinions. Some people will be genuinely concerned about whether or not you have considered all the pros and cons, and it's up to you how you want to engage with those people, but the rest are just busy bodies. I'm personally all for minimising medical interventions where possible but that's my very privileged preference. You do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby. Good luck, and make sure to stand your ground!

"My consultant recommended a section for DC2 as he said that following the mismanagement of DC1's birth my best-case scenario in a vaginal birth was a 1 in 3 to 1 in 4 chances of double incontinence. He also said "it's a no brainer. If it was my wife I would recommend a c-section. If it was me I would choose a c-section"."

I am usually happy about sharing details about my 4 degree tear. It tends to shut people up for good.

Baffles me why people think they can share their opinions on stuff like this. Ignore them, it's not even worth arguing with them over.
For what it's worth, my mam used to be a midwife and she advised my sister to have an elective section following the emergency section with her first.
She was also greatly relieved when I was taken for a section following 4 days of them trying to induce me. She's seen the alternatives first hand.

I had a post partum hemorrhage with my first. My second had shoulder dystocia and got stuck, but was OK. I realised when pregnant with my third, watching mum to be type programmes like 'One born every minute' that I actually had trauma from it. I'd break down crying in complete panic at the first hint of a problem in the delivery rooms. I also had quite bad SPD the 3rd time, so really didn't want to put my hips and pelvis through the same experience I'd had with my second.
My consultant really didn't want me to have a C Section. It was only me crying, begging and probably displaying PTSD symptoms that got them to agree!
My planned C section was wonderful. The most pain free, calm and beautiful birth. I'm so glad for it. I got a few comments from people but told them to shut it. I've even had my SIL lately saying how I 'cheated' with my third. I remind her that I had two previous births that could have killed me, my baby or both of us. Don't feel any need to justify yourself 💐

Echo all of the positives on here. Your body, your choice. DD1 was an elective section as she was breech, was offered an ECV but had a weird, bad feeling so declined. When she came out the cord was round her arm and neck so pretty glad I didn't go for it. Section was a dream, pain free and easy. Recovery was fine and I was up and about that evening, home the next day. DS2 I was all set for a VBAC until my 34week midwife appt when I got another weird bad feeling so was booked for a second elective section at my request with no pushback or judgement whatsoever. Section again went very smoothly, he was super engaged and they had to get the forceps on to get his head back out of my pelvis apparently. Weird bad feeling was again totally justified when he came out at 9lb 8 and a head circumference of 38cm! My vagina thanks me on a regular basis 🤣

I’m so sorry that you’ve encountered this. I find it so odd that anyone would feel the need to comment on how you’ve decided to give birth. Lots of my friends had emergency c sections with first babies and all but one had planned c sections with their second that went perfectly (the one that chose vbac regretted it but mum and baby were ok so not trying to scare anyone with a horror story) I had two fairly easy ‘natural’ births but I couldn’t give a stuff how other women choose or need to give birth! As long as women feel safe and valued then why on earth does anyone need to add a judgy opinion? And I think you’ve been unlucky with midwives as from what I’ve heard they are generally very supportive. Stay strong and congratulations on your pregnancy xx

I'm just under a week now recovering from my third section. First was planned due to baby being breach and refusing to move. Second was an emergency after trying to labour naturally, so my third was a planned section and pushed for by the consultant.
Planned c sections are amazing and the staff this time were wonderful (tbh each time the staff were amazing) . It's calm, you know the date baby is coming so you can be really prepared and it's usually a pleasant experience unlike my experience of trying to naturally labour.
Don't let anyone bother you with comments, at the end of the day it's your choice and it's what is best for you.
First few days were brutal after my third section but now I'm back to normal and feeling great apart from the odd twinge.

I’ve also read horrendous comments on here about the state of women’s vaginas after giving birth so I don’t think anyone is free of judgement or unkindness sadly!