Judgy comments about C-section

[heyduggee12345]

Did anybody else experience judgemental comments from friends/family when they told them that you'd opted for a c section?

I had many complications with my first birth which was to be quite honest traumatic and ended up in an EMCS. I guess I could try for a VBAC but I'm terrified it will end in another emergency.

I don't think I am being unreasonable for wanting/hoping for a more calm experience this time. But family & friends have been so judgy when I've mentioned.

It's making me question my decision and I'm having to justify myself everytime when people are asking the reasons why. Even the midwife told me today the consultant will likely try to push me for a VBAC.

Why is this?

Holy crap, I'm sorry.

I'm pregnant - and disabled - and both my sister (vaginal births) and SIL (C sections) both said "I hope you'll be having a C section" or words to that effect....

Ignore the deeply unhelpful people making judgey comments.

Don't bring it up from now on, and if people ask, just say "i'll follow the advice of the consultant" and change the subject.

@DewinDwl that is an excellent response.

I’m due my 2nd in May, and definitely leaning towards a planned CS after an EMCS and sepsis for me and DD1. I’m
not telling anyone just yet, bar one supportive group of friends.

A lot of people seem to have experienced the judgement and I am definitely expecting that from one side of the family. Does anyone have any good statements to shut them down? My body my choice probably won’t cut it with some
of them!!

Oh god. People really do seem to forget that pregnant women are actually capable of independent thought! I'd be fucking furious if anyone felt they needed to check if I was doing what was best for my baby!

FWIW I had two medically indicated ELCS. It was not what I wanted but my big headed buggers didn't realise they were supposed to get head down. The experience itself was lovely, both times. Beyond weird to walk into a room pregnant and not even labouring and then out with a baby. The only judgement I've ever had has been online, where women (aaaaaalways women🤦🏼‍♀️) felt the need to point out that vaginal breech delivery is an option. Yeah I know, but not with a big baby with an insanely big head, footling breech and head extended backwards. Oh, hmm, maybe you do know your own situation best after all.

Oh and if, God forbid, anyone starts with the women have been doing it thousands of years, it's natural crap, then I'd just gently point out that infant mortality being sky high is also natural, so meh.

Queen Elizabeth II was born by c-section. This is my favourite c-section-related fact :)

My mum said her c-section was the best out of her 3 births as it was nice and calm. Do what works for you OP 💐

Please do what YOU want to do with YOUR body for whatever reasons you choose. Even if it’s simply just preference. A c-section birth is just as valid a birthing experience as a vaginal one.

I had an elective c-section with my twins, mainly because one of them (who would have been the 2nd to be delivered) was feet down, and had some issues with her cord/blood flow. I was told categorically a vaginal delivery would be difficult, likely result in needing her to be manually turned mid-delivery after the 1st baby was delivered, could mean an EMCS midway through, and could be too much strain for her due to the blood flow issues, and therefore be life threatening for her. So I did what I thought was the sensible thing to do- book in for an elective c-section. I’ve never regretted this.

Despite explaining this, the amount of times I’ve been judged is crazy, (always by other mums) for ‘not trying anyway’ or been told ‘oh what a shame you didn’t get to have a real birth’.. oh yeah such a shame I opted for a safe birthing experience for me and my babies!

I’ve had four c sections and am perfectly happy and content with my reasons for doing so. Nobody has made me feel otherwise.

I had a planned c-section and nobody was in the slightest bit interested either way.

I thought it was great as I was allowed to choose what day I wanted it done. No waiting around for labour to start. I went about normal day to life right up until the day before the birth and was out of hospital within 24 hours. It was the best decision imaginable.

I had plenty of judgy comments. I let them bother me not one jot.

You win no medals for 'breathing the baby out' or any of that shit, and even if you do - so what?

Genuinely, people are arseholes. Just let their inane comments wash over you - they don't matter, at all.

I think an emergency c section is acceptable to judgy people to an extent. An elective one is still judged as the "too posh to push nonsense".
Do what is best for you and your baby. That's all that matters.

I get all the bullshit is annoying. I had an emergency CS . Acceptable. Then I read loads about how detrimental it was to your child, emergency or otherwise. I couldn't breastfeed either. That was the worst thing ever for a baby. Not breastfeeding. Not a vaginal birth. So a c section and bottle fed baby. I wasn't a real mother even though my son would have probably died had I not agreed to the section and the bottle feeding.

My boy had everything stacked against him. Apparently.

Now he is a 6"2' trilingual 18 year old studying at one of the best engineering schools in France.

Do what is safe and comfortable for you and your baby . Do not feel bad about it. What comes after the birth is far more important.

I think you just ignore. I was the opposite as I hoped for a VBAC with no 2 but unfortunately it wasn’t to be! I then tried for a VBA2C and again it was
t to be but I had so many people telling me I should be going for elective sections! By no 4 I was just resigned to it…

Regardless of what others think a c section isn't easy. I'm not at all saying don't do it. Just be prepared for the aftermath of surgery. Given your history it may well be easier but it's no walk in the park.

I wish you could choose to have a c section 54 years ago
Both of my two were born by EMCS over 50 years ago now.Both long complicated labours first one nearly killing us both, second unjust as bad when my uterus nearly ruptured.
I am 4ft 10ins with a very narrow pelvis, no way would a normal size baby pass through it.
We have to give you a try was the excuse.I made sure no one would give me a try again by having tubal tie done.I would not have even considered this if elective sections by maternal request had been allowed then.If you asked or this your sanity was questioned.
Thank goodness times have changed.
I am now a great grandmother only by the grace of God.

OP, this is your decision, that should be made between you and the medical team who are dealing with your labour.
It isn't for anyone else to comment on how your baby is born.
I am sorry that you are experiencing so much judgement. I wish that as a society we were more interested in empowering women to make decisions about their bodies, their births, and their babies but everyone is so wrapped up in what they view as the "right" way.

Wishing you all the best.

So very true.

It’s your body your business. What friends and family wouldn’t want you to choose a c-section after a bad first experience that resulted in an energy c-section. Good luck with the birth.

The frankly primitive levels of misogyny at the bottom of much of this sort of bollocks does my head in. Even more so that it's often women spouting it, thought, tbh, I think that some of them are just enraged at the idea that some women are getting out of the pain of a vaginal birth. Like a 'I had to go through it, so you should too' mentality.

Every woman has the right to decide what happens to her own body, no matter the reasoning.

It's breathtaking the amount of people who seem to think they get to judge and vocalise that to people whose medical arrangements are fuck all to do with them.

I had an ELCS just because I thought it looked the better option, no real medical indications except for age being over 40, and it was fantastic.

If anyone was unwise enough to ask about it, I just used to airily say "I'm too posh to push' and that was that. It took the wind right out of their sails, there was nowhere for them to go and I was plainly not feeling any sense of shame or being apologetic.

Make the choice that suits you and own it. It's nobody else's business and it would do them good to be told that.

I was once told "nobody can 'make you feel bad'. They can be nasty or judgemental or whatever, but how you feel about their comments isnt something they can control".

So a simple reply "Ive decided the ELCS is whats best for me and my baby". And " its medically appropriate" And "fuck off you rude cow".

Elected with first. Will always elect. The consultants will always ask the questions about “have you considered a VBAC” blah blah blah as they have to. They also have to perform a c-section if requested by the mother, or refer them to a surgeon who will perform it, so ultimately they just do it.
Your body, your baby, your choice. Don’t even feel you need to justify yourself. Do what works for you. People will always judge your parenting choices whatever you do anyway, so live true to yourself.

People are judgy bloody animals… Whether you give birth vaginally or not, breastfeed or not, start solids when you choose or they deem it to be appropriate, everyone is going to have an opinion on your parenting of your child - and it doesn’t stop there. They will judge the way you speak to them, the way you discipline them, the books you read with them, the food you feed them.
Get accustomed to the idea and let it slide off you. Your kid - your way.
*2xEMCS, couldn’t BF, have kids with allergies (genetic) and now they are 19 and 17y/o twins all bigger than me, hard working, polite, considerate and just lovely. (I don’t take credit for it all, their personalities were there from the start.)

I had 2 elcs and didn't discuss it much socially, so I never got much criticism or questions about it. My gynaecologist insisted that I should have one due to medical issues, so there was never any questioning from medical staff. I definitely needed it for medical issues, but all the other advantages were a bonus for me (including keeping my body intact and being able to plan the timing better).

Sod what other people think, And do call them out if they say something offensive, I remember a family friend saying to me when I was pregnant with my first, that I don't deserve to be a mother if I don't plan to breastfeed. I went on to have a still birth, I wish I'd of said something at the time they said it. They were very remorseful after but I'll never forget it though.

After that, I requested C-sections as the trauma was too much. If anyone dared say anything to me about my choice I'd have lumped them one.

Good luck with your baby

I had emcs with my first and was offered an elected section with my 2nd which i took, no judgement or comments from anyone. And from what I remember being told by the consultant, is that statistically c sections are lower risk for baby but slightly higher risk for mums, whereas vaginal births are slightly lower risk for mum but higher risk for baby. Not by a massive amount but those telling you its better for the baby are talking rubbish. You do what's best for you & your baby, it's no-one else's business.

I had an elective in June as I have mild cerebral palsy and I was worried that I would get very tired during a natural labour.
Luckily, my local hospital were very supportive of my decision and we did have to go to an appointment with the head midwife so she could chat us through the risks of a section but I think they do this anyway with all who want an elective.
We then met with our consultant who again was very supportive of my decision for an elective.
My husband asked the question if anyone could request an elective if they wanted one and the answer was yes they can as it is the mums decision as it is their body so your midwife shouldn't be making comments about what your consultant will say as it should be your choice as you know your body better than anyone - make sure you are firm if the consultant tries to sway you.

All of my family/friends have been supportive of my section and I'm sorry to hear you have received judgemental comments. I think that having a section is just as daunting as a natural birth as the recovery after a section can be very difficult and unfortunately I think some people think a section is "the easy option" but it isn't.

You do what is best for you OP and try not to listen to the judgemental comments

Hi OP,
Similar situation - traumatic birth by c section and next one I insisted on a elective. Consultant was moody until after surgery, when he admitted it was probably for the best as I'd have had the same issues due to womb shape. Stand your ground. We're all behind you!