Have I been unreasonable to teach my DC the correct terminology for their body parts?

[Coffeeandteaplease]

I have NCed. This post briefly mentions a history of trauma

I have a DS who is 3 (very nearly 4) and a DD who is nearly 1.

Today while bathing my DD my DS was with us and asked me if she just had a bum. He said he has a penis/willy and looked at her and said she has a bum?' were his words. He was just curious and noticing that his sister looks different to him - I don't see a problem with that. My DH in the other room shouted through and told me I should tell him my DD has a 'flower'?! I said 'what!! I am not telling DS that! It's not true!' Anyway, I told him she has a vagina as she is a girl. DS said 'okay' and that was that. My DH however said I was wrong to tell him that as he's 'so young'.

AIBU here? I'm not sure I am.

For a bit of background, I was raped as a teenager and I suppose because of that I want my DC to understand their body parts and their correct names. God forbid anything were to happen, imagine my DD saying flower instead of vagina, someone might not even understand what she meant! I know DS is young, but he's nearly 4 and he asked a valid question. My DH seems to think I'm being over cautious because of my trauma and now I'm having a little bit of doubt in my mind. He has said 'what if DS says it in nursery' and now I'm worried/doubting myself.

Please be kind. I'm feeling quite anxious about this because of my past.

I think OP you are doing a sensible thing. Though perhaps additionally you should make your DC aware that some people use different words.

My 6 year old asked me if her auntie knew what a vagina is 🤦‍♀️

I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean with DS1 when he was little. He commented about one of the characters testicles! Then he said “I didn’t mean testicles did I? I meant tentacles! 😂

It's not that big deal tbh. Personally I use terms "winkle" for penis and "fufu" for vulva as I want my DC to understand that their genitals are something to keep private, that they're no the same as a hand or a nose.

As toddlers, my daughters knew they had vulvas and boys have penises. One was obsessed at age 2 with categorising everyone - “is that a boy with a penis?” Even Father Christmas!

Nursery said they were happy she knew the proper words and that they used the correct terminology with the children when going to the loo etc.

You are in the right OP

There must be more to this than the poor child not knowing the words to use.
Don't professionals have many different strategies when working with very young children?

Didnt get full details from parents but I think it boiled down to that. I wont go into details on what exactly happened, but it was an adult male getting a young child to touch him and not the other way around.

Private parts are not like any other though, are they. I think it's normal and healthy to be a little squeamish and reserve some privacy around these things.

Also I don't really buy the correct terminology avoid sexual abuse thing. GPS and other health professionals as well as those working with young children will be aware of a variety of terms used for these things.

You think it’s ’normal and healthy’ to be too ‘squeamish’ to not teach children euphemisms for their genitals?

If a child says someone touched their front bottom or willy it will be just as clear what they mean. The issue is more if they are unable to talk to their parents or shamed for talking about certain things.

I think it's normal and healthy for there to be an understanding that certain body parts are to be kept private, yes. I really don't think the terms used are that important! Most people don't use the female ones correctly anyway. Is it worse to say fanny than to say vagina when you actually mean vulva?

Should we be using words like 'tummy', 'bottom', or 'bellybutton'?

A fucking flower??😂

All those earnestly advocating all this shame free openness , do you take that attitude throughout life or is it only with young children? I am suspecting all these wanting us all to discuss a nose as freely as a vulva wouldn't be taking the same attitude if discussing something with their mother in law.

Good point, most people seem to think tummy means stomach...

Why would I be teaching my MIL correct anatomical terms for the organs via which she conceived and gave birth to my DH?

I taught my kids the correct names, but also "private parts" which is what we usually call them and I think helps reinforce the idea that no one else is allowed to touch them. There is a slight risk with telling really young kids the correct terms that you end up in the situation a friend of mine had in a supermarket with her DD jumping up and down excitedly screaming"I've got a vagina, I've got a vagina" 😂

I certainly would. My mum in law is a very lovely and sensible lady.

Honestly, it’s vitally important that children know the correct terminology for body parts to safeguard them in the future. They need to feel confident using the words

Can't imagine why I'd be discussing my vagina (or anyone else's) with MIL but yes, if it came up then I would be referring to it as my vagina. Why wouldn't I?

I thought so too. It would be really off-putting for me. Proper terminology is at the centre if current safe guarding recommendations. Why would anyone working at a nursery not be very well informed about that? This would be a red flag. I would be looking closely to see if there were other gaps and if this was the right setting.

You should probably have used the word vulva, and your partner really needs to educate himself.

I teach year 3 (7 and 8 year olds). We teach vulva, vagina, penis and testicles.

I taught my children anus. Dc1 now likes to use bum hole, but that is because he heard it and found it funny. He is v well aware it is an unusual.