Have I been unreasonable to teach my DC the correct terminology for their body parts?

[Coffeeandteaplease]

I have NCed. This post briefly mentions a history of trauma

I have a DS who is 3 (very nearly 4) and a DD who is nearly 1.

Today while bathing my DD my DS was with us and asked me if she just had a bum. He said he has a penis/willy and looked at her and said she has a bum?' were his words. He was just curious and noticing that his sister looks different to him - I don't see a problem with that. My DH in the other room shouted through and told me I should tell him my DD has a 'flower'?! I said 'what!! I am not telling DS that! It's not true!' Anyway, I told him she has a vagina as she is a girl. DS said 'okay' and that was that. My DH however said I was wrong to tell him that as he's 'so young'.

AIBU here? I'm not sure I am.

For a bit of background, I was raped as a teenager and I suppose because of that I want my DC to understand their body parts and their correct names. God forbid anything were to happen, imagine my DD saying flower instead of vagina, someone might not even understand what she meant! I know DS is young, but he's nearly 4 and he asked a valid question. My DH seems to think I'm being over cautious because of my trauma and now I'm having a little bit of doubt in my mind. He has said 'what if DS says it in nursery' and now I'm worried/doubting myself.

Please be kind. I'm feeling quite anxious about this because of my past.

We used 'bits' as a catch-all, but they know boys' bits mean penis and testicles (and not Tescos, no matter what DS1 thought initially) and girls bits mean vulva

@Shinyandnew1 Nanna is to blame for that one. He was running around at 2 chanting willy willy woo woo because he thought it was funny 😂😂

You’re not wrong to use correct terminology and parents who use nicknames for body parts are also not wrong. Most of us have grown up understanding there’s multiple words - some formal and some informal. All totally fine. Do what works for your family.

My kids say vulva, penis, testicles and anus. I noticed in their infant school projects on fish and on felines that their teachers use the same terms.

I thought it was the done thing to use the proper terminology nowadays. We did say willy though, not sure why other than it sounds better.

One mum I know told her (primary school aged) daughter off for saying vagina to her gp!

There is an English equivalent. It’s ‘Fanny’.

@Coffeeandteaplease you’re quite correct to use the actual words. My dh is equally as weird about this stuff and didn’t like me telling dd she had a vagina and boys have a penis. Just do what you think best.
I come at it from a similar perspective as was sexually assaulted at 7 so I believe in being honest with children and trying to give them the correct information when they ask.

I wish there was a female equivalent to willy. 'Fanny' is regional I think, it'd be offensive here.

Both my children aged 5yo and 8yo know the correct terminology for their body parts and they also know what sex is and how babies are born.. my 8yo son also knows about rape and paedophilia.. because I answer any questions I am asked simply and factually. He saw something about Jimmy Saville on the TV and asked me about it and I just answered honestly.
I also answer any questions my 5yo has but she hasn't asked about those words yet so we haven't covered that. She does know basically what sex is, what periods are and how a baby is born. She also knows that it is wrong for adults to touch children in a sexual way and also that if anyone of any age ever does anything she is uncomfortable with or confused about she should come and tell us.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to lie to children or use confusing words. Just answer their questions. They aren't protected by being kept on the dark it's quite the opposite

In addition to the correct terms we also used willy and in-betweens.

Your 2 year old asks about periods 2 years old or is that a typo.

Totally appropriate. You won’t be ashamed to call your eyes ‘eyes’. Why is it different when it comes to genitalia?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/1406336777/
This is a great book age appropriate from 3 I would say, and uses all the ‘proper’ words.

We say willy for penis. I don't think anyone could misunderstand that. Everyone knows a willy is a Penis.

We don't know use silly names like flower or whatever that wouldn't be recognised as meaning genitals.

However, my DS did go through a stage of calling my vulva a scary hairy monkey. But that was just mine! He does know that girls have vaginas. That's what we call it. Willy & vagina.

We tend to say willy/fanny the most but also refer to them as penis/testicles/vulva so they are aware of the correct terms.

It’s basic safeguarding.

See, in a busy classroom a supply teacher is not going to know what "Miss, my in-betweens are hurting," means. I would assume that he needed the toilet and would suggest going for a poo!

We have recently potty trained and she has come to the toilet with me a number of times when I’ve been menstruating. She has asked me why I wear sanitary pads and knows it is because I have periods. I think it’s important to be open about these things.

okay

We use vulva, penis, scrotum pretty often as they tend to be the external bits that are trapped in a zip / sore / need to be covered. Likewise "bottom" or "bum" as there isn't really a word other than gluteus maximus to describe the bum cheeks. "No naked bottoms on the sofa!" is fine because the anus wouldn't actually touch the sofa anyway.

The kids also know testicle, vagina and anus but they don't get used often as they're not usually relevant day to day.

To PP thinking discussing periods at 2 is unusual enough to be a typo, all mine have known about periods from about aged 2 when they notice sanpro, of course they've asked about it. Maybe not at 24 months but at 35 months (still 2!) their conversation skills and curiosity were definitely at that level.

My husband prefers our children to use nicknames for their genitalia. I prefer them to know and be confident using correct terminology. I think a huge part of this stems from the fact I work with children so my awareness of safeguarding and disclosures is heightened compared to my husband. He doesn’t stop me teaching them correctly, and doesn’t tell them not to use those words either. It just makes him uncomfortable. He knows why I think it’s important.

So my preschooler knows and uses todger, willy and penis. He know his sister and I have a vulva but also knows “foo foo”. I use the idea of nicknames to explain this to him. For example “We call you Bean, but if I went to nursery and started talking about Bean, would they know who I mean? That’s like saying todger. We only use that with each other. But if I said Joe or Joseph to nursery, they’d know who I’m talking about. Like willy and penis. So that’s what you use if you need to tell another grown up about your penis.”

Why wouldn't a 2 year old ask about periods? They're always in the toilet with you! And mines very into injuries, doctors etc so blood is interesting to them. In public toilets there's sanitary bins, sanitary products in your bathroom, loads of opportunities for it to come up.

I'd rather have had gentle age appropriate conversations about periods than it be a playground chat before I was properly told

We use front bum and back bum for my daughter

Mine did because I was buying tampons and she asked what they were for. It's no big deal.

@Gotsomedebt

However, my DS did go through a stage of calling my vulva a scary hairy monkey

😂

That's hilarious!

When I was about 13 my 7 yo cousin caught sight of mine and ran around the house shouting "Motherships got a hairy mary!" repeatedly. I was mortified. We had a very full house at the time, but the adults all handled it well and calmly, but I am sure they were cracking up inside!

I was not having a dig i just asked i have boys so no my children did not come in the loo with me.
But yes they no all about periods when they was about 8.