Have I been unreasonable to teach my DC the correct terminology for their body parts?

[Coffeeandteaplease]

I have NCed. This post briefly mentions a history of trauma

I have a DS who is 3 (very nearly 4) and a DD who is nearly 1.

Today while bathing my DD my DS was with us and asked me if she just had a bum. He said he has a penis/willy and looked at her and said she has a bum?' were his words. He was just curious and noticing that his sister looks different to him - I don't see a problem with that. My DH in the other room shouted through and told me I should tell him my DD has a 'flower'?! I said 'what!! I am not telling DS that! It's not true!' Anyway, I told him she has a vagina as she is a girl. DS said 'okay' and that was that. My DH however said I was wrong to tell him that as he's 'so young'.

AIBU here? I'm not sure I am.

For a bit of background, I was raped as a teenager and I suppose because of that I want my DC to understand their body parts and their correct names. God forbid anything were to happen, imagine my DD saying flower instead of vagina, someone might not even understand what she meant! I know DS is young, but he's nearly 4 and he asked a valid question. My DH seems to think I'm being over cautious because of my trauma and now I'm having a little bit of doubt in my mind. He has said 'what if DS says it in nursery' and now I'm worried/doubting myself.

Please be kind. I'm feeling quite anxious about this because of my past.

I think children should know the names of their body parts but there's nothing wrong with teaching them it's your penis/testicles/vulva/vagina, some people call it x,y,z . Like your tummy is your abdomen.

It doesn't have to be either or but also there's nothing shameful or dirty or age inappropriate about calling a vulva a vulva. It's just a body part like any other and crazy euphemisms just teach children there's something wrong or dirty or secret that they mustn't talk about. Which is the last thing we want when it comes to genitals!

I blame the Victorians

I'm not sure why men find using the correct body names unsuitable 🤦‍♀️
My DP can't even say period and if he needs to say vagina he calls it "Mary" sweet Jesus above 😵‍💫😵🙄

A lot of people find the correct terminology uncomfortable because they were brought up not to talk about it. Same as periods etc. I only learnt I should of taught my DD vulva rather than vagina from MN!

The first time my DD said vagina in front of a family member, they were mildly shocked but said it was a good thing.

I must admit though, I'm still not 100% there as I say Willy rather than Penis. However Willy is obvious in terms of what body part it is.

Ahh, teach me your secrets for them not coming to the toilet with you at home please 😆

I work in a nursery, we use the correct terminology & encourage parents to, as part of safeguarding

They have never came in the loo with me because i wouldnt let them.
I always said that you keep your bathroom habits to yourself you never go to the loo with anyone.😃It worked for me.

I don't think what words you use matters as much as whether you're able to convey that genitals aren't dirty or unmentionable.

Vagina is internal, vulva is external. We have taught both but use fanny most of the time.

I think either way is fine. We use willy and fanny, same as we say tummy, bum etc instead of the correct anatomical terms. I’m sure if they did ever need to use those words with a teacher or doctor, the adult would know what they meant! But my kids also know the proper names and use them.

I only have a son, too, but I fail to see what the sex of the child has to do with them coming into the loo with you when they’re small?

I think schools and nursery’s are also pushing for this to be the norm to teach the correct words to use so you’re not unreasonable at all.

YANBU but as others have said if teaching correct terminology it’s a vulva
Why shouldn’t we use the correct terms? Using metaphors like ‘flower’ (ugh) is confusing for some of those with neurodivergence.

A flower! This sort of language is why children disclose and are not understood.

When they were toddlers and you were out and about? Did you make them wait on their own outside the cubicle in public toilets?

I think it's useful, especially from a safeguarding point of view, to teach the anatomical names of body parts. However, insisting that these are the only "correct" names is a bit of a stretch, no-one insists that anyone who says 'kneecap' or 'eyebrow' is using incorrect names, and they should always say patella or supercilium. There are common English names for body parts, the problem with genitials is that there are a wide variety of common names and they tend to vary regionally.

Thank you! I am glad to read this reply. And yes, exactly the same as you have described (even down to DD being close to turning 3).

Couldn't keep both DS out (and/or the 3 cats) unless I remembered to lock the door - and then boys or cats would be hurling themselves at it. Boys would try and take a sneaky peak at the results in the loo bowl afterwards too! What inquisitive little minds grubby little urchins

I'm amazed a nursery would indicate surprise over penis.

I taught mine the correct name for both male and female anatomy. We also use the other 4000 words for penis (I only have sons). I am fine with both (vulgarity aside), I just made sure they knew that penis is the correct term and the one to use if they need to see a GP etc.

Why? Would you call a nose or a lip by any other name? It’s a body part like any other.

Our little one is still a baby but this thread has made me realise it's a good conversation to have with my DH to check we are on the same page for the future.

Vulva seems easy enough to say but I can imagine a toddler struggling with the word penis. So anatomical language will be the goal and we will adapt if necessary.

You are quite correct. Children need to know what all their body parts are called, even intimate ones. A flower? How ridiculous.
so sorry about your past experience.

Because people feel embarrassed talking about genitals. Some people feel shame. Yes, they are just body parts but surely you know that it is a sensitive subject and for some quite a difficult one.

Among my friends we are all quite able to talk about our vulvas and vaginas, but mostly we would say fanny or whatever. My mother never once talked about such things with me. She is a product of how her own mother raised her.

we Need to start changing this. Treating is as not a taboo subject.

Of course, I'm just explaining why talking about a spot on your vulva is not the same as talking about a spot on your lip.

And things are changing. It's only quite recently that woman starting using vulva at all. It doesn't happen overnight and telling people to get over the taboo and any personal discomfort they feel won't speed up the change.

Always correct body parts.

i think it is part of teaching them body autonomy and consent. It’s Not just so they have the terminology to describe problems. You treat them with enough respect from the very beginning to provide them with the real information. You are showing that you respect their bodies.