Leaving my 5yo at a bday party when I don't know the parents?

[Wiselass]

Hi all!!

So my DD5 has been invited to a birthday party. It's a karaoke party in her friends house. I RSVP'd to the mum and the reply came back with the expectation that I've just to drop her off and come back 2 hours later.

I understand space will obvs be an issue so I get it from her perspective.

However, I don't know the parents or their family. The thought of leaving my daughter for 2 hours in a household where anything could happen to her fills me with crippling anxiety.

I know the likelihood is that the parents will be absolutely fine and pose no risk to my or any other of the children, but I am actually sick to the stomach.

For context, I've previously worked in child protection which clearly isn't helping matters.

When I told my DD that I wasn't allowed to come in, she had a bit of a wobble. She's used to soft play parties etc where there's always plenty of space for me to remain. I've told her that I'll sit outside in the car for the duration and if she feels uncomfortable at any time, she can just leave and I'll be right there.

AIBU? Am I overreacting?

Please give me your thoughts on the situation.

Please don't listen to these people about your anxiety being the issue, of course you should be dropping and leaving, bla bla bla
No.
Kids have to grow too quickly as there is too many parents happy to give them too much responsibility.
Tell them that either you can stay or she won't be able to come. It's as simple as that.
It wasn't that long ago the mam's boyfriend killed the mother, 2 kids and the daughters friend who was having a sleepover.
I always stay at parties, our son is 8 and I am so pleased I have because 9 times out of 10 the party parents are so busy they have no idea where everyone is or what's going on. I usually get kids coming to myself with issues an stuff because they know that I'm always there.
Trust your instincts.

A somewhat naive view I feel.

Thank you for all the replies. Although some of the less constructive ones have been pretty hurtful.

Spoke to the other mum and she's happy for me to stay and help her paint nails.

Job done.

In this day and age No you are not being unreasonable. To be honest these small children's parties are normally ' parents stay optional' aren't They.???
In this current climate of uncertainty PARENTS will have to be one step ahead of the game.
Lots of different people have different perspectives on this kind of thing. Well years ago my EX HUZ. would often take the kids on short breaks in a caravan park holiday. As they got older it was only youngest who would go. I was surprised her friend's parents agreed that daughters friend could go with her and EXHUZ. While I did not go we was negotiating D. I. V. O. R. C. E.
Do what you need to do STAY WITH HER , make an EXCUSE why you have to stay.

Don't listen to the hurtful ones.
It's laughable how vile people can be behind a keyboard.
You are a brilliant parent and you are doing the best by her.
Glad you managed to sort everything out hope she enjoys the party.

It was drop and go from reception when mine were small, only 15 years ago. Whilst some kids did have parties in public places eg church halls, most were at home and never went to a soft play type one ever. I think parents expectations have changed

I'm glad you can now stay. Everyone is different but I wouldn't leave mine at that age either, even if I knew the parents. My two wouldn't be happy being left either,

Id feel the same I'd likely decline or sit in the car outside incase she wasn't comfortable

I think you're very sensible.

I wouldn't leave my child at a house party where I didn't know the parents at least a little bit and hadn't visited before. The one exception to this was where the mum and dad were both primary teachers - I was happy to leave my 6yo there even though it was the first visit, since looking after and controlling children was essentially their day job 😂.

I wouldn't leave my child at a party in a public place without asking another parent (not the party parent, who will have their hands full) to supervise. In busy soft plays or halls or public venues, I like to know roughly where my child is at all times, especially if there is access to roads/car parks where they might sneak out and an accident might happen.

If I'm running a party in a public venue, I expect parents to ask specifically if they can drop and run so I can mentally note that I am responsible for their child. I take the responsibility very seriously and would need to know where their child was at all times and would be scanning the room for them the whole time. I'd prefer them to ask another parent, personally, so I can concentrate on running the party.

I was the same when my children started school - I would ask if its OK if I came in for 10mins to settle them - I was usually the only parent who did but I found it weird dropping my young children off with people I had never met.

Conversely, I was shocked when I held parties - I had the door bell ring at one party and a four year old stood there by herself - mum was on her way to work apparently. Another party of 30 x 5 year olds - a mum came up to me and said she has just changed her 3 year old's nappy so he should be fine for the party and with that she turned and disappeared out the door of the soft play centre before I had a chance to gather my thoughts and shout WTF!

@Wiselass perfect 👌🏼

This is one of the reasons that so many children are struggling with their mental health - they need to slowly learn independence, not be helicopter parented. I know I’ll get blasted for that opinion, but we cannot always be there all the time - and yes I know it’s terrifying as a parent, but you need to be strong and let them have increasing amounts of freedom otherwise they’ll never learn. They pick up on anxiety from their parents as well which in turn makes them anxious. I think 5 is about the norm for leaving them at parties, but if you don’t think she’s ready just ask if you can stay for a bit to settle her.

That's great. I also wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my 5 year old at a party, particularly not knowing the family! Maybe in a couple of years, but certainly not now.

For my DD's 5th party, which I held at home, I put on the invite that parents were welcome to drop and go as space is an issue but they were welcome to stay for a brew if they wanted.

Every single one chose to stay with their child and there were therefore 11 adults in total all rammed into my quite small living / dining room 😬plus the 8 children. Chaos.

I'd only invited people whose parents I consider friends as well, so it wasn't like they would be leaving their child with a stranger. I guess they all just stayed because they wanted a brew and a chat, and we were all friends. So the atmosphere was nice, it was just very loud and a bit cramped trying to do the party games and so on.

I remember as a child parents dropping me off at parties all the time from a young age. Seems like times have changed.

I agree . After having three children with hundreds of parties over the years I can honestly say that I never stayed at a party and no one ever stayed at our children’s parties ! They were all fine . Absolutely no incident at all .

Not my experience every party I’ve been to the parents have all stayed including couples

I knew a set of parents who considered moving to the University town with their daughter. They were still taking her to playgrounds after school until 6th form. No ND, high achieving, highly academic young woman.
DS1 went to look at uni open day, a parent on the tour asked when they would get reports.
It's not far away..😂