How to explain why we're moving (without sounding superior)

[wouldthatbeworse]

It's a secondary school one. Secondary schools where we are very mediocre. (e.g. Progress 8 of 0, 30% 5 or above in English and Maths). Behavioural issues seem no worse than anywhere else, so by no means terrible schools but not exactly what anyone hopes for their kids.

We are in the very fortunate position (through hard work and saving but also through luck) to be able to move into the catchment of a much better state secondary. It's not far away and we will transport DS back for the rest of Y5 and Y6. It's a chunky jump in house price. His friends will almost all go to one of the local schools we are moving to avoid.

How should I explain this move to my son in a way that doesn't make him sound like we are superior to any of his classmates (he will likely repeat a version of what we say to his friends). Is there any way I can tell the other parents without coming across like a twat. I don't think we are "better" than any of his friends and their families, just luckier. But by moving we are effectively saying what's good enough for your little Perry isn't good enough for our Kevin.

I am also aware that there is no guarantee my kid will be happier or or get better grades at the 'better' school. I just feel if we don't move then I'm not doing my best for him.

I have been in a similar situation and didn’t want it to sound like implied criticism of the local schools so I just said it was about the house, that we loved it enough to change area.

Surely there is something about the new house you can point to, that your current house doesn't have?

Why would you need to explain it to anyone? Just say you are moving and will be choosing the school nearest to you. If people are nosey and ask why, just say you have seen a house you like and have decided to move. But the time it comes to secondary school applications, it will be obvious you would choose the nearest school.

Make it about the house, not the school.

Make it about the house if you must explain it. "Ah, we've been looking for a bit more space for a while/love this area so when this property came up we were chuffed". And leave it at that.

In an effort to not make yourself sound superior... You could actually achieve the opposite so practice the "we just love the space/area" reason. But really ... It's no one's business.

I don’t think I’ve ever given a reason to anyone for moving beyond ‘we like the house’. Moved DC school two years ago (after moving house to get into the catchment) and all I told any parents who asked was the school was closer to the new house

You don't need to say a word about the school. You're moving house because you want to ml e house...simple as that.

‘We’ve always wanted to live on X St, couldn’t believe it when the house came up for sale’

You just say you are moving house. Don’t even mention secondary at this stage.

You do t need to say anything! He will be going to the high school nearest to his new house.

Also what you perceive as a better school isn’t always the case. We have one “super school” near us and one that’s pretty good. Plenty of parents actually prefer the latter but those who get their kids into the “super school” just can’t see this!

Surely just don’t mention anything about the schools? 😵‍💫

Focus on the house. More space, better garden, away from busy roads type stuff. Or it being more convenient for getting to work, better for WFH, easier to keep an eye on elderly relative. Don't mention school at all.

Agree that you should make it about the house
“We want to live nearer to the train station”
“we prefer a house on 2 floors”
”the landlord wants the house back” (if you rent)
”we fancy a change”
”we want a house with a bigger garage”
sort of things.

We've think YOU would be better suited to "Good School" so we're moving closer to there.

But honestly, when one school is so much better than the other, the other parents will figure it out and possibly envy but hopefully not feel snubbed.

Quite, and progress 8 scores are often an indicator of the socio-economic profile of the intake than wonder-teaching.

Just talk about the house and don't mention the school at all.

Do you need to give an entirely honest account?

I moved at a similar age and had no idea at the time it was due to one of my parents becoming bankrupt.

Can you simply couch it as hugely exciting, don't pose it as a question or a choice - it's happening. Your child still gets to see their friends. Offer support for any nerves and anxieties.

"Mummy and daddy have found us a new home that's got x, y, z cool things" "mummy promised we can still have playdates" is all you want your child knowing really or repeating? I think you'd be hard pushed to sell the move on schools to a child with a friendship group.

Of course - someone on here will say be totally honest, but I'd be tempted here to be age appropriate and just offer support to your child, moves are a big upheaval as it is!

Good luck with it - im sure many would, and do, move for this reason.

I think you are massively overthinking this. People will know you have moved house so you will logically be going to the catchment school of where you live because it’s closer.

Where is Bob going to school-X?
No, we’re in Y’s catchment now we’ve moved, so he’ll go there.

Sone.

I think you’re over-thinking this - albeit, I don’t blame you.

We paid for private to avoid the locals mediocre school.

It’s just the choice we made, and nobody really cares. Or maybe they do, but not enough to ask or demand an explanation from us. And we’re still friends with the people who made different choices.

it seems like a big deal, but it’s actually not. Play it under the radar and everyone else will, too.

You over thinking this. You moving house and your dc are moving to the catchment school...

You're massively over thinking! 'We've seen a house that we really like, so we've decided to move' done!

You say you will travel back for Y5/6 but it may be easier to consider a school move too so DC is going to secondary school with new local friends. Ultimately, you choose the school but by 10 or 11 DC are more vocal about their wants so if they are at the old primary school still then your current local secondary will be a big draw as it will represent going with friends.

I think you are massively overthinking this. Close friends presumably know of your plans anyway and for everyone else 'we saw a house we loved'. For your DS 'we are moving house soon but I'll be staying here'. Year 4s/5s aren't going to be wondering at this stage what secondary school he'll be going to. That will just come up naturally after the move nearer the time at which point it's 'I'm going to the school closest to where I live'

You wouldn't be thinking this was if you were moving to a similar area / house. 'Superior' doesn't come into it. It's just a decision. The less thinking / worrying that you do about it, the less others will. I would be delighted in your shoes as I'm sure you are. What other people think wouldn't be high on my list of worries at all.

I actually thought you were going to say that you were moving your DS to private school from a state school, which at least 5 people did when my DC were at primary. That's also no one else's business.

I hope it works out well for you.

Say what now?

DS we’ve found the perfect house with a great garden and we’re moving in the 17th.

Job done.

Why drive DS back for Y6? Far better that he gets to make friends in the new area before secondary.