How to explain why we're moving (without sounding superior)

[wouldthatbeworse]

It's a secondary school one. Secondary schools where we are very mediocre. (e.g. Progress 8 of 0, 30% 5 or above in English and Maths). Behavioural issues seem no worse than anywhere else, so by no means terrible schools but not exactly what anyone hopes for their kids.

We are in the very fortunate position (through hard work and saving but also through luck) to be able to move into the catchment of a much better state secondary. It's not far away and we will transport DS back for the rest of Y5 and Y6. It's a chunky jump in house price. His friends will almost all go to one of the local schools we are moving to avoid.

How should I explain this move to my son in a way that doesn't make him sound like we are superior to any of his classmates (he will likely repeat a version of what we say to his friends). Is there any way I can tell the other parents without coming across like a twat. I don't think we are "better" than any of his friends and their families, just luckier. But by moving we are effectively saying what's good enough for your little Perry isn't good enough for our Kevin.

I am also aware that there is no guarantee my kid will be happier or or get better grades at the 'better' school. I just feel if we don't move then I'm not doing my best for him.

The school my son went to says this:

Progress 8 of -0.49, 24% 5 or above in English and Maths.

He came out with a 7 and the rest 8's and 9's. My daughter is on track for all 8's and 9's too in the same school.

How should I explain this move to my son in a way that doesn't make him sound like we are superior to any of his classmates (he will likely repeat a version of what we say to his friends).

I think you are overthinking this. Just say you aren't happy with the local schools,so you're moving near a better one. Tell him this is not an uncommon thing for people to do.

You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, firstly. You’re doing the best for your family. Secondly, by year 4, loads of people did this where we used to live (us included). It’s to be expected. About a third of the DC from our old primary went to the better, further away high school. Some had parents who moved. Others managed to get in from out of catchment. The real issue is the crap high school that everyone tries to avoid!

I think the posters saying don't worry, you're just moving to another house, it's not necessarily better/better school, no need to explain are short-sighted.

I've been in this exact position op. When dh and I first bought a house we looked at the house and how close it was to work - school catchments didn't figure. Then we had dc. Our local Primary, whilst in a very deprived area, was lovely. However, we realised by about Y3 that the catchment comp was anything but. Awful GCSE results, run down, constant trouble.

We moved when dc were in Y6 and Y4 (just in time for school applications). About 10 miles within the same County - but from an area classed as significantly deprived to the 'posh area' with the best performing school, which is well known as such.

There was no hiding this fact from neighbours or school parents. No casual 'oh we just like the house' possible, and it wouldn't have been believed. House prices in the new area are 3 or 4 times the price of old area and people know this. Many pupils from the new school end up at Oxbridge and people know this. And there was a LOT of inverse snobbery. People from our area just didn't entertain moving to X area - it was out of reach for everyone we knew.

We had lots of questions and curiosity and it was uncomfortable. It's awkward, theres no denying it. We went with along the lines of 'Oh we've always loved X area, always wanted to live near the sea. It's taken about twenty years to afford it though! The house prices make me want to cry so we'll be on beans on toast for the next ten years haha'.

It seemed to land OK. Theres just no point in trying to ignore what many people are really asking which is 'how the fuck are you affording that, you snobby twat?'

For the dc, we were honest. We explained that we wanted to give them the best opportunity at school and life and that X school was the best one and in a far nicer area, so we were moving. But we also explained that some people we knew would find that very hurtful and that it was best not to say that to others, and they were mature enough to understand this. They stuck to 'parents are making us'.

I would really, really encourage a rethink on not moving Primary though.

Dc1 started in new Comp straight from Y6, the only one from his school. He massively struggled for two years. Seeing this, we moved dc2 at the start of Y6. He came around quickly, had a year in Primary in our new area and did the transition to Y7 seamlessly. We absolutely kicked ourselves that we didn't move Primary too.

It's honestly not a big deal, say you wanted to move.

Yeah just frame it as you are moving house and that’s the closest school to the new house

Agree with this

It’s completely normal for people to move during the primary yrs for good secondaries. Unsure why you would need to justify but just say you love the area, house etc.

I would move your DS to a school which feeds in to the secondary school in the new area so he can make friends where you will be living.

We just told people that we had both grown up in similar style towns to the one we were moving to and wanted the same for our children. We didn’t mention schools at all.

Standard line around here when kids move schools is that they wanted a school that offered more sport/after school clubs. I’d just stick to something non-academic like that. That’s IF you even need to discuss schools. Ultimately focus on the house move as the main thing, like other posters have suggested.

You are overthinking this. Just explain you are moving house.

Is there nothing bigger or better about the house you are moving to? Surely, if the new area is significantly more expensive, there must be something else about it that makes it more desirable.

That would be the location!

Loads of my friends did this, no issues.

Agreed. It will be a far better transition to secondary all round as he will already know lots of his classmates and not be the ‘new’ kid. He’ll also avoid the Y6 upset of being the only one to be going to a different secondary school than his friends. Finally, you’re then freeing up a place for another family in your current catchment. I have had DC move school in Y3, and one move in Y6. They were/are absolutely fine and my DD who moved in Y6 was able to make core friends prior to Y7, subsequently finding her feet much faster.

I agree.

Don’t say that it’s anything to do with the school, just say that this house has come on the market and you want it because it’s bigger/more character/ a good investment etc.

Then when you’ve sold it to him, say it does mean being in a different school but he can still see his other friends too.

People move all the time. People especially move during year 4 and 5 for secondary catchment.
Just tell the kid you are moving to a nicer/bigger/better house.
Undoubtedly some parents will clock thar it is in a "better " catchment but that is very much life.

I agree with PPs about getting him into a feeder primary school, else he won’t know anyone and will be resentful and want to go to the other secondary school with his mates.

When we did similar we were honest and said that the school was better for dc and offered more opportunities that the others didn’t.

@Simplepink I agree that the school that looks best on paper is not necessarily the best experience. I send my DS out of catchment to a primary school in one of the worst areas of town. There are literally people dealing drugs on the same street. There are large numbers of pupils who have factors such as FSM, ESOL etc that many would think "drag the school down". On paper it is average at best. But they are brilliant with the kids. The teachers and support staff really care, pastoral care is brilliant, SEN provision is exceptionally good and DS is performing ahead of or at the expected level in everything. I also think the school experience can depend on the cohort. My oldest DS was in with a very "rough" and disruptive year group and hated school. His experience and the way the local school dealt with it is why my younger ones go elsewhere.

I understand this dilemma because I paid to send my daughter private for secondary and was very anxious about how the parents at her state primary (some of whom were and are friends) would perceive this: I was worried they would think I was a snob and a twat etc.

In reality people just don’t give it much thought: they are far more concerned with their own lives. The vast majority of parents understand everyone does the best for their kids with the resources available to them and cracks on. If there are a handful of people who judge, their views are not something to concern yourself with. Life is too short to frustrate your obligations to your children in order to worry about what others think.

In your case though literally no one has to know why you are moving anyway so why would you concern yourself?

We did the same thing and I just said it was for the schools. It didn't occur to me to say anything different!

Oh, and I agree move DCs to a school near the new house so they have friends when they move to secondary.

We are in the same position. The difference for us is that the area we are moving to has better facilities for children growing up (cinema / safe shopping area / cafes and restaurants and a big park) so we are making it more about that. But ultimately it is absolutely about the schools.