How to explain why we're moving (without sounding superior)

[wouldthatbeworse]

It's a secondary school one. Secondary schools where we are very mediocre. (e.g. Progress 8 of 0, 30% 5 or above in English and Maths). Behavioural issues seem no worse than anywhere else, so by no means terrible schools but not exactly what anyone hopes for their kids.

We are in the very fortunate position (through hard work and saving but also through luck) to be able to move into the catchment of a much better state secondary. It's not far away and we will transport DS back for the rest of Y5 and Y6. It's a chunky jump in house price. His friends will almost all go to one of the local schools we are moving to avoid.

How should I explain this move to my son in a way that doesn't make him sound like we are superior to any of his classmates (he will likely repeat a version of what we say to his friends). Is there any way I can tell the other parents without coming across like a twat. I don't think we are "better" than any of his friends and their families, just luckier. But by moving we are effectively saying what's good enough for your little Perry isn't good enough for our Kevin.

I am also aware that there is no guarantee my kid will be happier or or get better grades at the 'better' school. I just feel if we don't move then I'm not doing my best for him.

Our near neighbours did this as there was one school that all the more middle class parents sent their kids to and she was an absolute snob (we fell out over this amongst other things). Imagine her surprise when my son was offered a place at the same school without us moving! But as it turns out, nearly all the children who went to the local 'sink' school have all done very well in life, the school now has a much better reputation locally and in fact would probably have suited my son more as he wasn't very academic and had more friends at this school. So be careful what you wish for!

Friendships definitely shift in year 7 (I’ve had 3 go through that; youngest in year 8 now). All mine would have been really upset to miss out on year 6 in their established school. Stick with your original plan.

lol, this is about the most braggy thread I’ve ever seen on here, and that’s some stiff competition. I was going to write humble braggy but there’s nothing humble about it.

Very diplomatic of you imo.
I was conscious of who sent their children to private school without criticising the local schools!! It is an art!

Could you say you fell in love with the house, got the calculator out and decided to splurge on the house and save elsewhere.

Or say it's near your cousin. School friend. Brother..

We did the same move as you a few years ago. I think when we talked to our eldest about it we focused on both the house (bigger garden) and also emphasised an aspect of the school my kids wouldn't have had at the local school - this aspect was very particular to us as a family (MFL offering), but less so for the other families in our previous area.
I never moved my eldest in year 5 or 6, and I am glad I didn't. His friendship group at his junior school was established since reception, and I think it would have been a shame spending year 6 at a school where he had no friends. He made a lovely group of new friends in year 7/ year 8 at his secondary - I really don't think moving him in year 5 or 6 would have made a big difference in that respect.

The bigger picture is doing the best for DC. Years from now it won’t matter what people thoughtof your move. But to be sensitive yes focus on house pluses. Re moving Y6. We moved area and deliberately chose to move for last two terms of Y6. It was heartbreaking to leave the amazing primary behind and all the extra special things about Y6 traditions like residential etc when they've shared history together through the school. But it did help with transitioning to secondary.

DC was given great welcome in new school and all her friends went on to the same secondary and continued friendships for a good while. It’s a tough one to call. Once you find a house, can you give DS the choice of moving and making new friends for secondary or staying or will he definitely choose the familiar?

Everyone will know you've moved for catchment anyway so I wouldn't worry about it.

I’d move his primary school before he starts yr7 so he has an opportunity to make new friends for beginning secondary.

Stop overthinking it. I doubt anyone will ask. Just say I wanted a smaller/bigger/lighter/darker/ modern/old fashioned kitchen. Job done.

You can't have been here long if this counts as the most braggy thread you've seen.

As someone who did a similar move at the start of year 5, and who works in year 6, I would say stick with your original plan of keeping him at his current school if it is not particularly inconvenient.
Most children who arrive with us in year 6 settle in fine and make friends, but I think if they can do all those year 6 things with friends they've had all through primary they enjoy them more.
My son went to a different school to all but one person in his primary and had no problem making new friends at secondary school.

Yes, my DS and DIL did this, leaving a London borough where the secondary schools were pretty poor to live in Surrey near much better schools. They moved to a primary school in the new areas and the girls have made lots of friends who will move through secondary school with them. They were very behind at the new primary school when they arrived, even though their London primary was considered to be good.

@Definitelylivedin absolutely, but maybe they can drive him back the rest of Y5 ánd encourage him to get to know the new neighbours' children. He'll probably prefer walking to school with them instead of being shuttled to his old school, and then maybe even ask himself to go to the local school!

This op isn’t posting because she’s bothered about what others will think about her son moving schools - seriously nobody ever demands a reason why a family move because that’s their business. This is an exercise in self congratulation - the endless reference to “affluent area, more middle class” zzzzzzzzz

I didn't read it like that. I think when you ''move up a rung'' it can be complicated because you can lose friendships. Maybe they were only situational friendships. I'm not at the top of any food chains oh boy oh no but when I was a single parent (not working) I made a couple of friends in similar boats. One of them I've lost because she was angry when I got a full time job. Stupid as she had all day free and I envied that sometimes. Anyway, I wouldn't assume that ''how can I phrase this'' is an automatic brag.

Agree with this. I work in Y5 and we have had 2 new children and lost one this year. Primary age tend to adapt to new folks better than secondary.

Your intended secondary will have a multi-primary intake and streaming will be based initially on Y6 SATs, so DC may be at a disadvantage if current school is not pushing. Also there tends to be some cliquing based on primary school, so DS may be the outsider.
Does he go to cubs? You could change packs instead, which will get him to know new area boys if you do not change schools

Progress scores reflect how much the children have improved over the five years. So a school in a deprived area may get low scoring kids in, and if they are a brilliant school they can achieve good results and have a high Progress score.

A school in an area of high performing primary schools may get a lot of bright kids in, but their P8 scores could end up lower because the gap is smaller anyway, if that makes sense?

So you could maybe disregard a lower P8 score in the second scenario, but a high P8 score is always going to be a good thing because it means the teaching has pushed the pupils beyond the results indicated by their SATs.

Bear in mind also that several years were affected by Covid and SATs were not taken, so some data may be historic?

OP, we’re a year or two behind you with exactly the same game plan. Have got friends in other areas who have also done the same. We’re not planning on moving either DC from their current primary, but we will move some of their extracurriculars so they start getting to know some of the kids they’ll go up with, albeit not at school.

Can you look at after school clubs in your area for y6 that might have local children attending? There are other ways of forming friendships than at school. And kids will have their friendship groups in y6 too.

Jist Say it’s about the house / more space. I wouldn’t worry too much as when they are in secondary they’ll all get mixed up into different classes, and many in our area go on to different grammar schools

Is it guaranteed that your DS will definitely get into your local high school when you move? Only asking as our local high school is massively over-subscribed, so many of the local children have to go to high schools out of the area. Parents then have to arrange car-share agreements or pay for their DC to get a bus (unless on a low income, Universal Credit etc when presumably the transport would be funded).

Tell them your current house has a huge rodent and spider infestation.

You’re making an issue out of nothing. Every parent wants the best for their child. Nobody is going to have an issue with that.

I live in an area with what I consider to be poor state school provision. I decided to use private schools instead of moving house as we’re happy here and it’s a very desirable location aside from the schooling options.

Nobody asks me why we don’t want to use the local state schools.

Maybe you could find some hobby or sports clubs for your DS in the new area so he's more ĺikely to meet kids he'll be at secondary with.

The fact you're even asking this makes it clear you do feel superior for moving to a better area where your excellent adulting will provide your child with opportunities those other children can only dream of.

Just do what other people do. Tell the people who need to know you're moving and tell them it's because you fell in love with the house/ needed more space / wanted to move closer to Granny. Or just be honest and say "we wanted to be on the catchment for Superior School" with no comment on the awful drudge their kids will endure.