How to explain why we're moving (without sounding superior)

[wouldthatbeworse]

It's a secondary school one. Secondary schools where we are very mediocre. (e.g. Progress 8 of 0, 30% 5 or above in English and Maths). Behavioural issues seem no worse than anywhere else, so by no means terrible schools but not exactly what anyone hopes for their kids.

We are in the very fortunate position (through hard work and saving but also through luck) to be able to move into the catchment of a much better state secondary. It's not far away and we will transport DS back for the rest of Y5 and Y6. It's a chunky jump in house price. His friends will almost all go to one of the local schools we are moving to avoid.

How should I explain this move to my son in a way that doesn't make him sound like we are superior to any of his classmates (he will likely repeat a version of what we say to his friends). Is there any way I can tell the other parents without coming across like a twat. I don't think we are "better" than any of his friends and their families, just luckier. But by moving we are effectively saying what's good enough for your little Perry isn't good enough for our Kevin.

I am also aware that there is no guarantee my kid will be happier or or get better grades at the 'better' school. I just feel if we don't move then I'm not doing my best for him.

@wouldthatbeworse

Our local secondary admission policy takes children who have been a feeder schools for 2 years before those who live in catchment. Check yours.

No need to mention anything about education. You don’t have to give a reason at all

I've taught for 20+ years in a challenging secondary school so am aware of how it works. On paper, yes P8 should measure the progress made and all being equal that's great. However, primaries, especially in challenging areas are under pressure to produce results. We have definitely had a lot of pupils whose KS2 data bears no relation to the student sitting in front of us.

Many of my students, supported by parents only care about English and maths. For my subject, you need a reading age of 16 to be able access the exam papers- a big chunk of our cohort are well below that and many students come to us functionally illiterate.

We have higher performing schools in our trust and I have seen the teaching- it is not better than ours, their students and parents value education more.

It's always an interesting discussion as to what difference it would make if teachers from the higher performing schools were swapped with us.

So to go back to my original point, often higher performing schools reflect the socio-economic intake they have and when I look at the performance tables where I live, that is definitely the case.

Agree make it all about the house and location not the schools! Tell them he’ll still be coming back to primary don’t mention high school yet
jyst say to your son and other parents if asked that you will look around when the time comes
say to your son you might go to a different high school if we move so that you can walk there and back yourself
make it sound all like convenience rather than better!

I would definitely not move him in year 6. Much harder to fit in with a group who knows EVERYONE else, than in secondary where there will lots of people who don’t know each other. Lots of kids from different schools all mixed up. When I went to secondary, only 4 people including me had come from my primary. None of them were in my class. Just luck of the draw - we hadn’t moved or anything. And loads of kids move around friendship groups in year 7 anyway. It’s a good natural break/change.

I think less is more here. To your son and therefore to his friends etc. Keep it about the house and the school follows. People may be less concerned with your business than you think.

If anyone asks, just say, ‘oh-they’ll be going to x school, we’ve moved, haven’t we, so we’re not in y catchment any more.’

Moving house is an acceptable explanation.

Seems to be all about you. It comes across that you do think you are better, you just embarrassed by your thoughts. What is going to happen is your son's will just disappear and he will be alone.

I’m also with staying where he’s the end of year 6. Those year 6 rituals are so important and there’s no guarantee that he’ll make friends part way through year 6 at another school. I think starting year 7 happy and confident is much better than knowing one or two people.

I'm posting exactly because I'm bothered about other people will think. Quite possible unnecessarily but not because I want to show off to a bunch of strangers that I've got a few quid in the bank. I do that by wearing my diamond shoes out (although they pinch a bit).

Thanks. Definitely no feeder schools where we live. But worth checking.

DS1 didn't get a place at our nearest secondary. Many of his friends did as had older siblings, and he was devastated ( we went through an appeal process and waiting list, no 4 on waiting list on 1st day of term).
He loved his secondary school from the first day. He had no one he knew in his class and was fine.
I don't think you can 2nd guess these things. I would keep him at the school he knows for y6.

are you moving to dullsville? Your jokes very on point in that case zzzzzzzz

You can say what you want but most people will know you have moved for catchment reasons. Nothing wrong with that, but don't expect people to delighted for you - you're inadvertently implying their choice of school is bad. I'd prob specify a niche reason x school is better suited to my child eg excellent trampoline coaching rather than insulting their intelligence by making it all about 'the house'.

I think starting year 7 happy and confident is much better than knowing one or two people

By the time they start Y7 in September, Y6 will be a distant memory. In the nicest way possible, I think you're being naive. The first weeks/possibly months or even a year or two, when not knowing anyone are an incredibly difficult time and no amount of 'confidence' from Y6 memories will carry them through. No stones to throw here because I was exactly the same. I could have written your post a few years ago.

They don't need to make best friends or even really good friends in their new Y6. They just need to know people, know others well enough to play with on break time in Y6 (which is far easier in the structure of a Primary) and then have someone to walk to school with/spend breaks and lunches with in Y7.

Having familiar faces around them is what gives them the confidence to branch out and make more friends ime.

We did this 18 months ago, maxed ourselves out mortgage wise to buy into the good catchment and ferried our son to his old school for half of year 5.

Then the school we wanted took a massive nosedive and all sorts of stuff came out of the woodwork.

Then our sons primary also took a nosedive and he point blank refused to go to school for 7 months.

Now we're stuck in an expensive house working more hours to pay for it, and have no option but to send him to the secondary that we moved to access. Mind you, all the other secondaries nearby are also awful, so it made no difference really, we're just financially worse off because we moved here.

In answer to your question, we just said that we felt that specific secondary would be good for his SEN- I imagine they are all laughing at us now though 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Why can't you just say you've found a house you like?