To ask why you had your first baby?

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I'm married, mid-30s, and have no children. I've never really wanted children, but now that it's getting to the stage where it won't be an option for much longer it's obviously playing on my mind, along with the fact that it feels that everyone in my peer group is pregnant or on mat leave.

So can I ask, what made you decide to TTC? I'd really appreciate thoughtful responses, I suppose 'i just wanted to' is semi-helpful but it would be good to know if you've always just known you wanted kids, if it hit you at a certain age, if you decided to when your sibling or best friend had their first etc. Did you think really hard about it or is it something you always expected to do? Thanks in advance

Sorry, didn't really answer your question. I think I did it because I was worried that when I was older I would regret it. I would have happily gone along for another 10 or 20 years if I could have.

Me too. Always felt the urge/longing since my early 20s - didn't have dc1 till over 30 as dh wanted to get married first, then took 2y to conceive.

I'm so glad I've got my two now.

I always wanted kids but not actively till I was 26/27, then it took another couple of years for DH to be onboard.

I was never sure , I only wanted kids if the circumstances were right which for me meant having a really stable relationship and enough resources to give a child a good life.

That all started to line up when I met my husband and we were both doing well in our careers. The impetus to actively ttc came once we were married, now 11 weeks pregnant.

Because I fell pregnant. I would have perfectly happy not having children.

It was - and remains - the one big thing in life that I wanted to do. I was prepared to move heaven and earth to make it happen.

Some of us feel this way. Others don’t. And of course there’s a whole continuum of variation in between.

Best of luck whatever you decide. xx

Same, although maybe instead of never wanting them I wasn't fussed either way.

Always knew I wanted a child. Worked with children and adore them from around age 3(unacquainted with pre-verbal stage although about to meet my baby!).
Also wanted to live an irresponsible, impulsive lifestyle (childfree can = childish) as long as possible so only became serious when in 30s.

Always knew I wanted kids. Held off until I finished my PhD and then got on with it because I was a mature student to start with and was getting a bit old.

I'd always assumed I would have children. Me and ex husband tried when I was 24 nothing happened I bought an ovulation kit and nothing was happening so went to clinic and had a laparoscopy and it showed one of my tubes was completely blocked and the other kept going into spasm every time they tried to put dye in it so was given price list for IVF.

I never had another period, I was pregnant then 3 years later I felt it was time for another and had a miscarriage then DS2 came along. He was allergic to milk so never had any more after him. He never stopped screaming.

They are 23 and 19 now.

Honestly, I think unless you have a deep desire to have kids don't do it. There's more to life that having kids.

Like you, I've never had that urge to have my own kids. I enjoy my freedom too much. Even simple things like having a long lie on a Sunday, making last minute plans without having to arrange childcare, going on holiday whenever you want and being able to spend your money on whatever you want.

My DH has 3 kids. The 2 boys are 16 and 17 so don't really require hands on parenting. My DSD is nearly 6 and was 2 when I got with her dad. We have her 50:50. I love being a stepmum but it can be hard work and it's definitely flipped my life on its head. We have the best of both world in that we have family life but also have plenty of couple time, can go on adult only holidays etc.

We've been asked loads if we're planning a baby together but I absolutely don't want that. Even though we have the kids I still feel like I have been able to retain some of my independence and a baby would change that.

Having kids is one of those unfortunate situations where there is no such thing as “the right time”, or “being ready”. And people can tell you how hard it is until the cows come home, but until you are in the thick of it you can never really understand how hard and in ways you hadn’t even imagined (and ways that might surprise you).
I thought the lack of sleep would kill me but actually your body does just adjust. But the loss of identity was a killer for me and that surprised me. That, and the realisation that your life can never go back to the way it was before.
Having kids is such a permanent thing, and you don’t get a trial run, and the stakes are as high in life as they can be.
The decision to have kids was sort of taken out of my hands (an accident!) but I’d sort of wanted to “one day” have kids and I was at an age/life stage where I could make it work, so went for it.
I’m glad everyday for my little family, but if I knew then what I know now would I still make the same choice? I think so, but I genuinely do have days where I wonder. So in many ways I’m glad it was taken out of my hands as it may never have happened. And that’s speaking whilst having a young family. Maybe when they are older I will feel differently. There are many stages of parenting and you don’t have to enjoy them all.

I really wanted to experience seeing a child grow up, and see the world through their eyes. I wanted to teach them and have fun with them, and see them grow into adults.

Both pregnancy and parenting are 100x harder than I expected, so I would say do not have a child unless you're really certain you want to.

If you don't want children, don't have them.
I love my children desperately and really wanted to have children - but they sap my strength, my energy, my money... and I'm not loving it. The teenage years are soooo hard. I loved the cute toddler stage but beyond that, I haven't really liked it.
If I hadn't wanted them with all my heart, I would resent them hugely now.
In short, if I didn't know them and love them, would I have children.
It's a no. Have wonderful holidays. Take time for yoga! Eat in fabulous restaurants- have an amazing hobby.

Also my DH loves kids. He never put any pressure on me or even mentioned it - it was always understood that it would be 100% my decision, but I thought he’d be a great dad.

I wouldn’t have children with someone who I didn’t think would be an amazing dad and a 50/50 team mate.

I had always felt children were in my future "one day" but as I entered my 30s I found it difficult to take the plunge as I was nervous about how it would change my life. DP was much more certain. I got to 35.5 and decided if I didn't try now I never would and got pregnant just before I turned 36. I'm glad I didn't wait longer because, now I've had s baby, it turns out that I'd like another one and I hopefully still have time.

Mine isn’t a particularly happy story

I actively ttc after having a forced abortion as a teenager. That pregnancy had been accidental but it gave me such severe ptsd that I immediately went and got pregnant again. I then over the following years had multiple children never fully getting over what was done to me unfortunately

Realised I wasn't a high flyer career-wise by late twenties. Also thought you can work until you're old but can only have children usually until your early forties. So I prioritised children rather than career progression.

I was overtaken by an overwhelming biological urge. I was absolutely desperate for a baby. It took 3 years to conceive and I was a bit bonkers to be honest.
Having him was the best thing I have ever done. And the same for his brother.

I was told I would struggle to conceive naturally because of PCSO, so in my teenage mind decided that meant I didn’t need the pill and ended up pregnant at 18.

The dad told all of our families immediately so I felt I couldn’t have an abortion.

I love my DS who is now an adult but wouldn’t have done it that way if I had any sense.

Was about to turn 30 and it felt like it was either now or never. DH and I talked it over and we decided we'd try. I'd had nothing but problems from my uterus as a teen and had been on hormonal birth control for a very long time so I expected it would actually be quite hard for me to get pregnant.
I was wrong.
He's sat behind me tapping away on his electric drum set right now while his little brother is playing Roblox. Hasn't been easy, but has been worth it.

Because on our wedding night we didn't use contraception as a sort of joke about 'wedlock'...9 months later there was our gorgeous DD. Other children were conceived on equally trivial circumstances, although we were very happy to have them all

And people can tell you how hard it is until the cows come home, but until you are in the thick of it you can never really understand how hard and in ways you hadn’t even imagined (and ways that might surprise you).

I think this sums it up perfectly. The thing is, and although it sounds obvious, it is a life long commitment/worry/surrender. Even if you have a healthy, well adjusted child (and there's no guarantee about that) you will always have another individual to factor into your life. They don't just magically become "not your problem" at 18. There will be situations and responsibilities that hadn't even occured to you.

People think the hardest part is when they are babies - sleepless nights etc but in many ways this is the easiest part because you are in control. Bear in mind as well that, even in this enlightened age, the bulk of the responsibility still falls to the woman.

Does the pleasure that children bring outweigh the freedom of choice without them. In my opnion, no it doesn't, unless having children really is one of your primary life goals.

I suppose I’ve always wanted them, maybe in my 20s I went back and forth a bit but by late 20s I knew it was something I definitely wanted.

Unfortunately various things happened to knock my timeline back a bit - breakup with my ex of 13 years which came totally out of the blue (to me) and took a long time to get over, caring responsibilities, bereavement. Didn’t meet now DH till 35, at which point I’d made some steps towards starting fertility treatment alone. There was obviously something worth pursuing with now DH but it was hard to know what to do as meant putting my plans on hold to see if things worked out with him, however was totally upfront with him about it all and he knew he wanted children within the next few years too (ie not in a vague ‘maybe one day’ way) So after around a year of being together and moving in together we started ttc. Still took us 4 years in the end.

I never had a burning desire to have kids but then at age 27 I had a contraception fail. I didn’t think too hard about it, I just knew that I was keeping the baby. I raised him as a single parent and didn’t give myself any room for regret. He is 23 now and totally ace.