To worry about the impact of my DF leaving significant sums to DD in his will?

[PistachioIceCreamLover]

I have quite a complex relationship with my dad - we are very close in that he’s pretty much raised me since my teens (when my mum died), I tell him a lot and wouldn’t say I have many secrets, he shares a lot with me too, visit him often (maybe for 1 week per month), we call every day, he says that my DD (2yo) and I are the only people in the world he actually cares about. He is quite wealthy, think millions of dollars. He’s also an incredibly cynical man, divorced my mum, dated a lot of women since and is cynical about relationships, also has friends who are high net worth and through his own life he’s seen that people will do anything for money - kill, marry, divorce and anything in between. He heavily financially supports me, ie has bought me a house that me, DH and DD live in now, gives me thousands of pounds to spend as a wish every year, buys jewellery and expensive gifts, invites me on luxury holidays with my DD (DH often can’t come as he works and has limited leave)

He has never liked a boyfriend of mine, they’ve never been “good enough” to be with his little girl. When I got engaged to DH you could tell he was jealous: I had to get DH to sign a very harsh pre nup, my dad still made comments to me like “you know it’s never too late to change your mind, even the day before the wedding”, “you’re settling” etc (not to DH’s face!). For context my DH is my age, has a decent job in finance, caring, we wanted the same things. We’d been together for 5 years so not a rushed decision. For my dad he isn’t wealthy enough, isn’t smart enough for me, and the main issue is that he will always put himself above me (not proven by any of his actions, just my dads cynical view of humans and marriages)

Recently, i think out of dislike for my DH and fear thqt i divorce and somehow lose assets despite pre-nup, or I'm too soft and give DH money or an expensive present which he runs away with, or I die and my will isnt properly in place so DH gets it then remarried and my DD is deprived, he has decided to leave most of his assets to my DD. Lucky DD except… my concern is that this money falls on a teenager or girl in her early 20s (DF in his early 70s so it wouldn’t be unheard of to pass away in the next 15-20 years). This could prevent her getting an education if she thinks “ah I’ll never need to work” or she gets into drugs if money is no object etc. How do I get this through to my dad? Or how do I stop this happening to my DD? He doesn’t normally take comments regarding finances from me well and is likely to say something like “you just want all cash for yourself” or “my money so I’ll choose what to do with it”. I don’t care about the money, I care about the impact on my daughter’s life!

Given the amount of money if he could get over his issues about trusts he could set it up to benefit not just his granddaughter and any other children OP has but also his great-grandchildren and beyond.

I would appeal to his vanity, get him to imagine setting up a trust that pays for his great-great-grandchildren to go to private school and then university and that can benefit future generations

He needs to use a trust fund. There just ain’t any way around it.

he can make you the executor of the trust fund. he can set up rules on how it is operated and when it pays out.

I would talk to your dad about how you can work together to ensure your dd is getting this inheritance in a way that sets her up to make good financial decisions. Maybe sit down with a financial advisor together to look at options. For example could he stipulate in his will that it needs to be spent on property/education/ wedding type of thing or invest some on her behalf? A trust does seem like the obvious answer here.

In terms of her values etc, that's really down to you to instill a positive work ethic and respect for herself and others and appreciation for what she has.

Your father is being incredibly controlling and abusive. Dangling a carrot for your attention. If he is as wealthy as you state he can easily find a lawyer to ensure your DH he has no time for has no hands on his assets….
Assuming you have a pretty happy life / financial situation, I would just leave your dad to do as he pleases. He’s effectively cut you out of your inheritance if he’s leaving it to your daughter. So tell him to do whatever he desires. Stop running to his every call.

This

Why not contact a finical advisor?

With the inheritance she could buy a house, use it for parties and drugs, burn the house down and still have enough money to buy a few houses. What I have now is tiny in comparison to what she would inherit

I think its quite bizarre for you to even be thinking your daughter might do any of that

Don't tell her his plans, they may well change, presumably you'll be bringing her up with good values. She might be in her 20s before she gets the money anyway.

You have a house supposedly in your name and you and your husband can pay for DD to have a great education so leaving money to your DD is a good idea.
I would ask for him to put in a clause to keep it invested, in property or other, until DD is 25 and has finished her education. That way she doesn't have huge amounts to entice her to be out of the work force, not bother studying, spend it on cocaine etc. You father should be able to seek advice from his accountant on how to manage that.
Once your father passes, if you are the executor of the Will, you might also be able to seek that the inheritance is kept aside. Look into that. There might be less to worry about than you think.

If she is under 18 when he dies then it is automatically put into trust for her.

(UK law)

www.girlings.com/latest/can-a-beneficiary-of-a-will-be-under-18#:~:text=A%20beneficiary%20of%20an%20estate,reach%20the%20age%20of%2018.

My only issue with that would be, what if you have more kids? One of the siblings will end up being richer than the others through inheritance. It should be fair. Trust is better. He is not a legal expert. That is why there are lawyers who help with these things. He should try one.

Hurry up and have more kids. What is enough for a few houses for one child is enough for a house each for a few (lots of?) kids. Sorted

Or more sensibly, focus on bringing up your DD to understand the value of money and have goals and interests outside of money and drugs, a strong sense of self and healthy relationships and values.

He needs to leave it in trust for any of his GC born, so that includes any born after his death. Inaccessible until they’re 30.

How more children quickly so the amount your DD will inherit will dilute!

i think 25 is a good age to inherit money. Doesn’t he see a concern with her having it at 18? I’d be concerned too and I’d rather my child didn’t know they had a huge inheritance coming as yes it could affect her ambitions in life. Kids who are handed things on a plate like that often end up wasting money and getting themselves in trouble so I can see your concern.

Why do you have so much to do with a man who actively dislikes and disrespects your dh? That's surely the bigger question.

If your DF will not consider a trust then there is not anything you can do. So I would stop worrying about it and just raise your DD as well as you can. Catastrophising the future will just make you miserable and won’t solve anything.

This is terrible advice! 'Sorry DD, my DF was going to leave you a life changing amount of money but I told him to shove it'.

I agree with other posters that it's ultimately up to him what he does with his money. And it's up to your DD what she does with it when she gets it. I would encourage her to put the majority of it aside for a deposit when she's older, but give her enough to do something fun in her teens. Eg - a car or fun holiday with friends, a year out travelling etc. Hopefully she'll listen to your advice. You could encourage your DF to put words / advice like that in his will. Again, once it's hers she can do what she likes but if it's written in a will she might feel like she has to be sensible with in.

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This.

I know someone who is quite "ordinary" who had a child with someone who is part of a semi famous wealthy UK dynasty family.
They broke up when the child was tiny and the dad is a bit of a loose canon. (drug/drink problems).

She KNOWS her child will inherit hundreds of millions.

She get on fine with the ex MIL ( who is mistress of the coin) but won't take "general hand outs" from her.

Her child goes to a very fancy/elite boarding school (the "family" school, mil pays)
But she herself remains independent and works.
They have a good normal simpleish life (live in a 3 bed cottage in a niceish village... house is furnished like ours ie 50% IKEA 😂, child wears h&M, m&s etc. she drives an unremarkable car)

she spends a huge amount of time teaching her DC about "what's really valuable"

I think if you as a parent lead a highly lavish or materialistic lifestyle that is "high quality" in all areas
Eg ....
5 star luxury hols 5 x per year
and
live in a carvarnously spacious home filled with Neptune furniture and a littlebone kitchen
and
You wear designer gear, have a collection of designer handbags and a jewellery collection worth £££...
and
go to fancy restaurants/events
And
Drive a 100k+ car

You are going to struggle to raise a child who knows how to keep it real /accepts oa lower standard lifestyle (which can limit social circles) unless you are very lucky / the child has the right temperament.

*should have said child is 12 and has no clue about the cash.

You just need to raise your DD to be sensible. Loads of young adults are given large sums of money and don't get involved in drugs! It is also not at all unusual to do what your father is doing. As you are already financially secure (thanks to him) it makes complete sense for him to leave his estate to your DD.

I would suggest he talk to his other HNW friends. Because you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll have everything tied up in trusts.

unless he’s so ignorant he won’t take their advice.

Set up a trust fund with release of capital at varying ages.
Some at say 21, 25, 30etc. So that your daughter can enjoy some of it but the release of funds is regulated.

Well, in one sentence she says dollars, the other pounds, so not sure where she is.

You can't control what your father decides to do with his own money.

You CAN however, raise your daughter well, and instill in her a good respect for both money and her body so she has a healthy attitude to both.

You CAN help to make sure she always knows where she can go to get good solid financial advice should she need it.

You CAN make sure she has a good education and understanding of how important it is in general.