I'm pretty sure IANBU but I needed advice on how to handle this situation!
I've been friends with a woman for around 10 years - let's call her Michaela. She and I worked together but bonded fairly quickly and we have stayed close despite me moving jobs. She was my bridesmaid when I got married a few years ago and we see each other probably every six months or so (I have to organise these).
Her relationship started around the same time as mine but for various reasons she was never expecting her OH to propose to her. He subsequently has and she is obviously very excited about this, and has asked me to be her bridesmaid. But her wedding plans are utterly out of control.
Her OH is from a religious background so she's having a big religious wedding up north, plus the religious ceremony (non legally binding). She's also having a legal wedding party in her home town - AND is planning a (non legal, non religious, just fun) destination wedding in a fairly expensive country in Europe. All of this is....fine.... though I am slightly stressed as to how I'll afford this both money wise and holiday allowance wise, but I'm very happy to attend all parts of it.
The problem came when she started discussing a hen do - again abroad, in a different European capital city. I was caught slightly on the hop when she first mentioned it and went along with the very vague initial planning stages, but I realised fairly quickly it was going to be a) my idea of hell (very late nights clubbing etc) and b) totally unaffordable in the context of all the other money I'm spending. So I messaged her to say how I was really sorry, but realised money was more of an issue than expected, and while I was delighted to be attending all parts of the wedding itself I just couldn't make the hen do work. I would have called her to chat through this but she hates phone calls and refuses to answer them, so a message was my only option.
She has since totally ignored me. I left it a week or so then messaged again, asking how wedding plans were going etc, and if I could help with anything. She has ignored that too.
BUT weirdly has added me to the bridesmaid WhatsApp group. There's lots of chat on there about plans to meet up and chat about the hen do, talk about the various wedding logistics etc - but no one is addressing me directly and she's still ignoring me.
WIBU to message her and say I was voluntarily stepping down from my BM duties? I really don't want to even go to the wedding at this point, and I'm so disappointed by her behaviour - I just can't imagine how she's justifying it to herself. But I am loathe to throw away so many years of friendship over something pretty petty in the grand scheme of things.